Okay, so my wife has a horrible problem with just saying the most horrible things to me when we argue. I am floored by them and tell her so.... So now I have turned the table the last time we argued and she can't believe I would say such hurtful things to her... Her response is that she does not mean then but they hurt none the less... help!
2006-09-09 18:07:08 · 8 answers · asked by Southpaw 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would do what ever I can to both of you to not say hurtful things while arguing. My wife used to always say that she wanted a divorce when we argued. I got so used to hearing that I just agreed and said you want one you have it. Then I turned around and started saying the same to her. Well, 3 years later we are divorced. I got so sick of arguing with her that I basically stopped talking to her. Then all the other stuff happened. Cursing and yellling are one thing. It is so much more when the fists are flying and the name calling. You will get feelings hurt. She needs to learn how to argue.
2006-09-09 19:20:34 · answer #1 · answered by sdo3lg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether she means it or not is not the issue. The problem with this is it can be very hurtful for the receiving end and serves no constructive purpose. A lot of people become irrational when they argue and respond based on emotions rather than logic. Personally I think effective communication is an art to be learned and it needs to be practiced.
My husband and I disagree at times, but we don't yell and scream and cuss at each other because we realize that a lot of times, we are just acting out on emotions. Instead, when we find ourselves getting hot under the collar, one or both of us leave the house to cool off and return to the discussion table when we're both calm enough to discuss it in a rational way.
More importantly, we pick and choose our "fights". If it's something so stupid as to not matter tomorrow, we let it go but the main thing is any argument needs to be resolved so u don't end up fighting about the same thing over and over again.
2006-09-09 18:19:26 · answer #2 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its very simple in a one way street fatal accidents are not common but in a two way street anything can happen imagine a head on collision at 70 miles an hour no survivours will be left. You just had one head on collision and your wife is feeling the pain maybe next time she may have some respect for you. Its important to respect each other in history fighting and quaralling has never solved any problems. History will always repeat itself if you fight with her you will not solve anything. Negotiate a deal. If she screams at you wait for her to cool down then tell her you are not happy about what she has said. Never fight with her when she is angry. You will worsen the situation you end up exchanging blows and both of you may end up in a prison with no one to bail the other.
2006-09-09 21:08:29 · answer #3 · answered by cool runings 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you may have taught your wife an important lesson. She sounds immature and insensitive to anyone's feelings but her own. To be perfectly honest, I can't imagine why you stay with such a nasty person, nor can I imagine why the other answerer is still engaged to a fiance who does the same thing to her.
Anyone who behaves like this is not worth wasting your time on and deserves to be dumped.
2006-09-10 02:17:40 · answer #4 · answered by Specsy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a very typical response for the double standard individual. No offense to your wife, but some are so selfish and hypocritical that they do not see the pain they cause..only the pain you cause them. they never learn the lesson because they deny the issue, or claim they didnt mean it, they needed to learn the lesson from in the first place.
my fiance can be the same way sometimes. what works for me is to leave the environment as soon as he does it or i shut down. when you sit there, screaming and yelling about how much theyve hurt youre feelings, it doesnt help. giving them space and the silent treatment forces them to think on their own and they eventually let go of their pride and apologize.
2006-09-09 18:12:08 · answer #5 · answered by wearyblossom 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I beleive it is more of an impulse reaction. Which in essence leads to a maturity issue. Most people who say derogetory things to their partner, have heard it from non other than their mother or father. Used against them or their offspring. When she says this to you, you need to say "STOP" listen to yourself. Do you know what you just said? I would suggest that you stop turning the table, as hard as it maybe. Beleive me I know how hard it is to walk away w/ out saying something too. If the time were to ever come when the big D were to play part in your life, that could be used against you. Secondly, try not to stoop down to her level. When fiery words are spoken, it's more so because they want to make you feel bad because they are insecure..
2006-09-09 18:33:55 · answer #6 · answered by michele g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a south paw to my probble is the other way it is the man. i stay because i have been married before and i have 2 little boys ask her or you need to decide if love her enough for that becaue know one needs that i don't know you but you should be treated better thin that
2006-09-09 22:48:56 · answer #7 · answered by 360 little bit 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i used to say the nastiest things to my ex...the more hurtfull the better.
hes now my ex, but i do know that once the nastiness starts its hard to stop, it develops like a bad habit and gets worse and worse.
you have to tell her to break this cycle before it gets outta hand. x
2006-09-12 07:43:48 · answer #8 · answered by Girl From Mars 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋