Is my husband cheating?

Question

We've been married for 2 1/2 yrs, we hardly ever get along anymore. I try so hard to be nice to him, but he says I just aggravate him because I never paid any attn to him, and now he thinks i'm faking it cuz i dont want him to leave. Ive heard 2 msgs on his cell ph from a girl he works w/-i asked him,he said they were just friends,she needed help w/ college. Ive saw a few text msgs, but couldnt really decipher them. For the past month-he's been coming home late saying he's working late. Is he cheating? How can I find out for sure?? (I cant go to his work)

Answer 1

you already know, if you're not getting on well together he may have found someone else he is getting along with. Sounds like he is to me

Answer 2

You know, this is a tough one. My gut says he is cheating. But the next question is what do do about it. I think if you follow him around and check up on him, it will just get ugly.

I think you should find a quiet moment, calm yourself as much as you can, and just tell him what's on your mind. Try to stay away from "how he makes you feel" or anything he has said or done, and just focus on telling him how you feel, think, etc., and ask him to look you in the face and tell you that you're wrong, that he loves you still, and that he means it and will spend more time at home, because it's really important to you right now.

But before you do that -- make sure you know what you're going to do in either case, and be ready to do it. Let him know that you've thought it out.

I can think of a few options:
1) He admits he is cheating, and you tell him that you're glad he told you, and if he's willing to stop it and start over, the two of you have a lot of work to do but you're willing to do your bit (whatever that is).
2) he admits he's cheating, that he doesn't love you any more. Tell him that you can't just sit there, and that you want a divorce. This will hurt like living hell, but so will staying in it. Be strong!
3) He says he isn't cheating, but he is -- you can sense it in everything he does. This has the greatest risk of turning into a nasty argument -- so don't let it. Tell him that you're glad he isn't cheating, but that he needs to be open about all this other stuff, because it LOOKS like cheating, and wouldn't he think that if YOU did all that? Give him a chance to be open, talk in calm tones, and take "time out" if you feel upset. Meanwhile, get ready to act on Plan B (see #2).
4) He says he isn't cheating, he explains what's up, why he's been acting crazy, and he apologizes for being a jerk, and maybe even reaches out to you to help rebuild some faith in the relationship.

You can't keep going if all that's holding you together is your need for him. You must focus on your personal well being, and take active steps to build your self-confidence, self-image, and sense of independence. In the long run, this will help reduce your need for unproductive relationships.

Good luck and god bless.

Answer 3

Ok first of all if you don't trust him, you are wasting your time and his.

Second you said "you never paid any attention to him" and he thinks now your faking because you don't want him to leave.. I would think that too.

Why would a man want to come home to a house where there is complaining and accusations of cheating etc. (Or a woman for that matter).

I lived that game, no I was not cheating, I just couldn't stand to walk in the door five minutes later than my usual time to a grilling.

If you think he is cheating, it will do no good to ask him, because even if he isn;t you already think he is, so no matter what he says you won't believe him. Unless of course he says "yes". And other than a yes answer you still won't know.

So the more proper question to be asking (of your self not here) is do I want to stay married to this guy, and if I do, what can I do to let him know that!

Once you figure that out, if he doesn't respond then check out!

Answer 4

WHy do you ask when you already know the answer? Why didn't you pay attention to him for the past 2 1/2 yrs. Once you marry it does not mean that you don't have to work at the relationship. I'd say MOVE ON....... SOunds like neither one of you was interested to talk, or do anything to work on your relationship, and that he has moved on. Be an adult and walk away, end it before the two of you destroy each other.

Answer 5

I havent been married, and I'm only 21. I wish i knew nothing about the topic...but i guess i do...If you think he's cheating, he probably is. You can just feel it, like an instinct. It starts off small at first, and then the more things that dont add up, the bigger the feeling gets....As far as finding out..all's fair in love and war. Thats my opinion. Everytime i snooped on my boyfriend, i found something out that he didnt want me to know. Can you access his email? Check his phone? Check his phone bill? Check his credit card..see where hes been spending money. Cheating costs money. If you look, you'll probably feel better. I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 6

Get his cell phone and call the girl and tell her you feel like she is doing the deed with your husband and if that's the case you would appreciate it if she were truthful to you.Or you could tell him if there is nothing going on between him and her that you want him to call her and put it on speaker phone and this is what you want him to say:I think my wife knows whats going on here.If shes totality baffled he can play it off by saying sorry I was talking to my friend .If her response is something like:What how could she know.Well you get the picture.I would say that if he is cheating on you then he is not going to do this.Truth is he should not be giving Lady's his cell number.If my man gave his cell number yo some lady I would be pissed.There is probably more to it than hes telling you.

Answer 7

you already have the proof, and he's just stringing you for the ride. Confront him with the intention on leaving him. See what he does next. If he allows this to happen, lets you go freely and doesn't fight to get you back then yeah he's cheating. But if he caves and tells you that he loves you and you mean more to him than anyone else. Then stay... A second chance is always good in a relationship...If you leave good luck to you, its his loss.

Answer 8

I know you are very troubled by this...get on your knees and pray to God for your husband to come to his senses if he is considering cheating...and also pray for yourself to not worry no more about it...God will take care of it! If he does cheat....he will continue to cheat and be caught...everyone does eventually! So
just be all you can be to be right in the Lord's eyes and don't you cheat to get even. Be loving and quit being suspicious...it is too painful and takes too much time in the day...and you are depriving yourself from some other things you'd rather be doing them so go do them and stop worrying! If it turns out you were right there is nothing you can do about it...Only God can change your husbands heart! If God does not change your husbands heart and he cheats and he knows you know and keeps doing it
then you have grounds for Divorce for adultery is grounds for divorce...porn is considered adultery...but hopefully your prayers will be answered and your hubby will not cheat!

Answer 9

He's cheating. Go to a spy website (there are so many) and buy some spy devices. They have teeny minuature cameras and recorders that you can hide in his car, underneat his shirtcollar or back pant pocket..the run anywhere from 50-300.00. Spy devices always work.

If you have nothing to lose, hire a private detector.

Answer 10

Sounds like he is. Of course if you ask him, he'll deny it. If you really want to find out... follow him... or just show up at his work. Be prepared for what you may find. It's one thing to think about it... it's quite another to have it right in front of your face. Make sure you know what you'll do in the event.

Answer 11

Only your husband and God can answer that question for you. Pray about it (This really works because I prayed about my husband and the Lord showed me a few things). And ask your husband maybe he will tell you maybe not but at least it can never be said that you did not ask. Ask point blank no room for misunderstandings just ask ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?