what is the deal with gay women saying that they dont want a male but date a woman that looks like man?

Question

But dont get me wrong becuase i dont have anything against gay people but........ I dont understand why some of them say that they don't want penis but yet still they use a fake one? I mean it's molded of a the real thing.

Answer 1

No problem! I'd rather have someone ask!

For the first part of your question. There are some women who aren't comfortable with frills and lipstick and lace. They are more comfortable in jeans or slacks, pull overs or dress shirts. That is how they prefer to dress. They aren't identifying as men, but just dressing in a manner that pleases them. I think other women are attracted to them because they sense that freedom and confidence, because they sense a strength of will and character that enables the "butch" to be who she truly is, and who doesn't feel a need to emulate society's version of a woman.

For the second part of the question. It is a myth that lesbians as a whole don't like penetration. There are several of us who enjoy it very much. For a long time we didn't feel comfortable letting that be known to our lesbian sisters or to the straight world in general. We didn't feel comfortable with some of our lesbian sisters knowing because we were afraid we would get a lecture on "submitting to the patriarchy" for enjoying such a thing. We didn't want the straight world knowing because they would assume that we are a bunch of straight women who are just amusing ourselves until "the right man comes along".

However, just because some of us enjoy penetration....it doesn't mean that we feel any romantic or sexual feelings towards men. We just enjoy the feeling of being full, full, full! :) And we enjoy many other things as well... as long as it's a woman that is doing it!

I hope that this answered your questions. Thanks for taking the time to ask, instead of assuming. It means a lot.

Answer 2

No, not in any way. I think living stealth is harder but its a personal decision and I don't think its WRONG tbh. Why does it matter so much what body you were born with? We look and are SO different from who we are and what we looked like as babies that it doesn't seem to matter at all to me. And although chromosomally a transwoman may be XY, she is largely still chemically female through hormones. Any man who would be 'tramautized' by your trans status would still be 'traumatized' if he knew before versus after because I think that would mean that he the ignorant and homophobic kind of guy that is too damn insecure about his own sexual orientation and ignorant to understand that no, liking a transwoman doesn't make him gay. Why else would he be traumatized? Cases like this often go back to confusing gender identity and sexual orientation imo. I'm sure he hasn't divulged to you his life history, including the worst parts of it and his intimate feelings etc on the first even 5 or 6 dates and I don't think a transwoman should have to do that either or be thought of as 'decieving' someone. He's LOOKING at who she is now and thats what matters the most. I think people are more accepting than you might think a lot of the time.

Answer 3

Allot of the answers on here already are pretty good. Here's my two cents. A woman is a woman, a man is a man. End of story. No matter how masculine or feminine they act, dress, or appear, they have a certain body shape, certain parts, and probably most importantly, certain hormones that effect their personality. Lesbians are attracted to women, some women look or act more masculine but this by no means makes them any less a women with their clothes off, or in the personality area. Same goes for men. Allot of gay men are more feminine than the majority of men, but I'd still be attracted to a guy that at first glance seems unmanly. I've found that once you get to know someone, guys are guys, period. The same goes true for women.

As far as the dildo thing, a woman's anatomy is designed to feel pleasure that way. Many lesbian couples choose not to use dildos, while others have no problem using them. Some dildos look nothing like the male anatomy, probably for the simple reason that most lesbians (and straight men that like anal penetration, yes they do exist) don't like to think of it as a penis. If a gay man is attracted to feminine men, and likes to give rather than receive, no one thinks of this as being straight, right? Then why think of it as straight for women?

Answer 4

You are making some ridiculous assumptions here. You are assuming that women who love women and do not want men are shallow and choose their mate on looks rather than substance.

There are straight people who use sex toys too, yet you assume that if a woman does not want a penis she is adverse to pleasure in the forms she can get it.

Are you really so shallow that you choose your mate on the basis of they way they look and the size of their penis?

As to this mold thing, you have not been to many sex toy stores, they come in all sizes and varieties, some in no way resembling the "real thing"

I usually think when a question like this is asked by a male, that they are insecure and know that even the most butt ugly roaring bull dyke of a woman is getting far more action than they are.

As a lesbian I can tell you I do not choose my partner based on anything so trivial as their outward appearance or their proficiency with a dildo.

What I don't get is how you ever find love if all you see are the superficial exteriors.

Answer 5

Clothes Hair Etc are surface it is what is beneath the surface that matters - - - no matter how she might look a woman is a woman and a woman who loves woman wants a woman. As for the fake penis - - - not all women use a fake penis often a vibrator is simple a long thick cylindrical object that feels good when inserted in various orifices. ANd if they do use a fake penis - - - so what - - - you could not possinly imagine how many women throughout history have done their duty, birthing two or more children (and you know what it involves to get pregnant) and then after the kids have grown up,they settle into a relationship with a woman - - - in Hawai'i there are Aunties living with AUnties and no one thinks too deeply about the relationship whatever that relationship is - - - the point being that it is not as if a fake penis is like a Cross would be to a Vampire. Peace....

Answer 6

I do not understand that either. I am completely supportive of a gay life style, but I like you don't understand some things. Especially the woman who like other women who are masculine. I have never had the nerve to ask anyone who would know this question though.

I guess this is a non-answer since I don't have one, but I will keep checking back in hopes that you get a good answer.

Great question.

Answer 7

I'll answer your question as honestly as I can WITHOUT being judgemental! The dildo thing is from a need or urge for penetration. Even if a woman is gay, a lot of us still enjoy penetration. Let's face it, just cause you like girls doesn't mean that your g-spot moved. It's still INSIDE!

And as for the women that look like men, beats me. My woman looks somewhat manish, but that's genetics. Let's face it, you don't really get to choose what you look like. But she is all woman, she has no urge to be a man, and would change her appearance if she could. I wasn't attracted to her because of her looks though. To tell you the truth, it was a big setback for us because I like pretty girls. But after getting to know her, I realized that she is beautiful inside, and her appearance has nothing to do with WHO she is. Does that help???

Answer 8

No matter what she looks like she's still a woman. Just because some like the feeling of fullness they get from a phallus does not mean the want a man attached to it. You look at straight couples and tell me you don't say to your self,"What does she see in him?" or vice verse.
Tammi Dee

Answer 9

I would imagine most gay women who date 'masculine' looking women are doing it because it's the person underneath that they love. Kinda like when heterosexual men date a woman whom society deems 'ugly'. As for the fake penis question.. you got me there, neither of my lesbian friends seem to have any interest in using them tho, they talk fairly openly about that kind of stuff.

Answer 10

It's questions like this that makes me wonder sometimes. By the way, straight people use dildos and other sex toys to enhance sexual pleasure. It's a matter of choice if you want to get your groove on with a "butch" or a "femme" Personally, I prefer a "futch"(butch and femme together), but hey, that's me. You have straight men who date women that look like men and vice versa, so what do you say to them? Something to ponder, eh? It's just that when people say that "I'm not against gay people, but...." it just gives me the willi-menas!