I have been married most of my adult life,so being single is hard enough for me.I found out in march of this year that I have a brain disease.The jerk I was married to for the last 5 yrs...that made me believe he loved me sooo much,turned out to be an abusive(verbally)drunk.It broke my heart,but when we found out I was sick..he threw me out.He told me to"take my broke down dying a** on down the road".I'm single now..and still hurting from that.I do want to find someone special,but how fair is it really to ask or expect anyone to want to get involved with me now?I get very lonely and I do miss having someone beside me,being held by loving arms and having someone to lean on when I'm at a low point.I just don't think I could take anymore rejection at this point.And to be honest..I really never thought about dying alone.Now I'm very insecure,and don't think it would be right to start a relationship that would last only a few yrs. What would you do? I'm not into casual sex or one nighters!
2006-09-09 16:20:57 · 38 answers · asked by desguisedangel06 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am so sorry. I wish I could meet you. I wish I could help you. I don't know anything about anything. I am a young girl of 13. But I think it is very fair that you should not be alone. That you should have a great wonderfull amazing guy. I don't know how you will meet him,but I sent you my best wishes. Don't be afraid of men . Learn to trust again.Somehow.
2006-09-09 16:31:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to work on yourself. When you find out that you are ill the emotions can be very strong and make you very vulnerable. You do not want to be hurt again. Live your life and make friends. Ligthly date people. You do not have to tell them within the next 5 minutes that you are dying that will scare everyone away. Let the person get to know you. If things become serious then and only then put your cards on the table. At that point the ball will be in the person's court. Most people will not sign up for a lifetime of pain but you never know. Just live life to the fullest by yourself for now because if you get lonely and depressed you would make your illness worse.
2006-09-09 16:27:37 · answer #2 · answered by honeyluv_2010 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I realize this sound crass and off base.
Have you made hospice arrangements? If not, it might be wise to make them now. Then you will have that in your favor as you date people.
Maybe it speaks poorly of me, but I don't know how to care for someone in that way or if I would even be willing to.
If I knew the person was taking care of themselves and preparing for what was to come, while I would maybe be more careful about "planning" I would find myself open to living for the moment, however long that moment might be.
Living for the moment doesn't mean one nighters and I think casual sex is a term you have to define for your self.
Yeah I know what people call casual sex, I'm not dumb. Yet consider this, during college I was into casual sex with girls I had known for several months, not strangers nor ones I had just met the day before. We were friends... that just had this itch to be scratched once in a while.
Most of my guy friends defined casual sex as "what's your name again" when they were done.
They were seldom happy - busy with lust and sex sure but seldom satisfied to the same extent I and my "casual" partners were.
If your not willing to have a relationship/marry, would building a friendship or two, or three help you? And if you know their names?.... is it "just casual" or a friend helping with an itch... and would that be all that bad?
Just some random thoughts.....
2006-09-09 16:53:24 · answer #3 · answered by charlie_2you 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! First, Let me say just how bad that I feel for you!
You were blessed by getting rid of the previous garbage!
You'll be okay! Are you with any hospice program, or are you too far away for that?
I'm Sorry! I Really do feel for you, but am trying to know Where you are.
There are Always folks that Love you and make sure that you Never die alone!!!! I'm So glad to hear that you don't go for just any pig!
Oh, what happenned to your Marriage, if I could ask. Was This the one that told you to leave?!
Please! Do this now! Ask Jesus into your heart and accept him as your Savior! If you've already done this, then great!
I can only pray that your whole situation goes well!!
God Bless You!!
2006-09-09 16:45:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is up with this phenonem. I know about couples that have been married for years who have broken up only because the woman is ill. It seems men have taken shallowness to a new low. Just try to enjoy your life and by wallowing in the pity that you have the right to feel now be glad for the things that you do have in your life and be glad for the things in your life that you dont have (like you ex) that you dont really want. There are many men who will understand and have compassion for your fate and will truely love you despite it. I like the idea that was mentioned earlier about a support group or counseling so you can bring this event into perspective. The sooner you release the hurt that you are feeling, the sooner you not allowing your ex to have control over you.
2006-09-09 16:40:13 · answer #5 · answered by diaryofamadblackman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do understand exactly how you feel as I am facing death also; it is hard to do alone but the doctors were wrong once already they told me 20 years ago thet I would not live for more than 10 years but I am still here. They told me again 3 months ago that I had about a year and half left. I know that they are right this time I can feel it my body is trying to repair itself but I am afraid there isn't enough time this time. I have had plenty of time to show and tell all of my loved ones how I feel about them and that is really all that matters to me at this point. If you just need to talk to someone feel free to drop me a line.
2006-09-09 16:39:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In order to learn to love again, you should first, learn to love yourself.
You have lost someone you love. Per your story, he is no good to stick around anyway. You should consider yourself lucky because he threw you out because this means you can go and find someone new. When you do find someone new, you should write your ex a thank-you note sign by you and your new love.
Now, you said you are terminally ill and dying. Think about this. What would you do if you know you're dying? You would want to do the things you always want to do. Ask yourself this question, what do you always want to do and never have a chance to do it. Wouldn't it be nice to do that one thing you always want to do before you die?
First, do those things you always want to do. Think of it as a goodbye remark to the world. Maybe in your last quest, you will encounter love once again. This once will be true.
2006-09-09 16:32:47 · answer #7 · answered by camellia_ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long ago did this happen? I am sorry to hear that you went thru such a horrible time and sorry for your illness... When my ex beat me and such I took time to myself and reflected on what I needed to change about myself and talked to friends who have been thru some of the same stuff as me. You dont want a rebound date those never turn out very well. I myself have an illness PCOS and Anxiety but not as tragic as yours. I just took time to myself and Mr. Right found me:) Or u can try www.matchdoctor.com... I dont know if any of this will help... I am sorry if it doesnt :( I hope u find someone who can treat you the way you should be treated..
2006-09-09 16:26:44 · answer #8 · answered by queenmaeve1979 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I have been single for 29 yrs and I have enjoyed most of it. I have seen all the BS that is involved in a relationship and I dont want the headache. I have 2 jobs that keep me busy and a lot of friends to talk to. Just do what makes you happy and live life to the fullest. No sense in wasting time trying to find Mr. Right. Go out meet new friends and enjoy your remaining time.
2006-09-09 16:26:01 · answer #9 · answered by tapa_autoparts 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I believe you are honest with your feelings and you need to continue to live life to the fullest. That may just require being honest with anyone you meet and see where that leads. There are a lot of great guys out there who will look beyond your illness and will recognize a good person when they meet them. Who knows, a couple years may turn into 5 and then 10 or more. Just get out there and I am sure you will find that right person.......Good Luck!
2006-09-09 16:29:01 · answer #10 · answered by sfs_onfridays 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, you have my prayers and good positive thoughts. Second, your ex is a low life sucm for not sticking with you. (my opinion) Its my belief that you should look for love for the remaining time you have. Enjoy life as you should. Enjoy the time you have with your kids and grandkids. being so close to the end of life has a way of making you appriciate the small things in life. The shades of red in a sunrise or sunset. the smell of the earth after planting a garden. The laughter of a child being tickled. Do not fret over the small things in life. Make memories for those around you.Record a video tape or DVD for your kids when you are gone. Give them advice for situations after you are gone. Tell them a story about the day they were born and things you and them did when they were young. Sit around and go thru pictures you have in boxes and point out who is who. Spend real quality time with them. Make it known in your own circle that you are still available and want to have a man in your life. I have faith that your time spent will be well spent. Good luck and God bless.
2006-09-09 16:37:44 · answer #11 · answered by asbratcher 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋