i got married 2 yrs back .My husband is a nice man but i dont love him..he is very practical and words like "love" and "expression" are not in his dictionary.I am in love with a man who is married too and almost in same situation as mine. We love each other so purely and truely.We dont want to hurt our spouses' feelings so we both are good to our spouses.But we cant live without talkin to each other.And we have decided that no matter what ,we will talk to each other always stay in touch. We feel our life so complete with each other.What do you think about our situation??
2006-09-09 16:15:09 · 22 answers · asked by preet 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
if you two are so happy together and so unhappy in your marriages aren't you both hurting your spouses by staying with them and seeing each other? Wouldn't it hurt your spouses just as much if they found out about you later then if they were told the trueth now. Do you really enjoy being in a loveless marrage?
2006-09-09 16:19:47 · answer #1 · answered by melthule 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all, marriage is not always full of passion. If you believe what you see in the movies, then you're pretty naive. Marriage is full of responsibilities like paying bills and raising kids and cleaning the house. It isn't glamorous, but it grows from the initial passion into a deeping friendship. The love changes it doesn't disappear.
Married people who cheat are in relationships that are FREE from the day to day responsibilities of married life. Not only is the "forbidden fruit" exciting, but you're not dealing with HIS kids, or HIS laundry or his MOTHER. You don't complete each other, because you don't deal with any of the reality that you would have to if you were to be together. REAL relationships come with imperfections and problems.
If the two of you divorce your spouses and get together, you'll have all the same non-fun issues with him that you have with your current husband, AND you'll get to deal with his angry ex-wife, and his kids who most certainly will resent you for breaking up their parent's marriage, and your kids, ex and mother will all feel the same about him.
In other words, what is fun now will be hell later.
You are in love with a fantasy that will NEVER be reality, and in your selfishness, you're going to hurt a whole bunch of other people.
These kinds of situations NEVER work out. You won't live happily ever after. Odds are that 10 years from now, you'll each have 2 divorces under your belts.
You NEED to end it now and get yourself to a family therapist to find out why you would be so quick to abandon a nice man for a fantasy.
Stop talking to this other dude now and clear your head and heart, so you can begin to see what real life is all about.
Go read the story up above. She actually left her husband for the dude she was cheating with and all it did was completely tear apart her life and that of her children. In the end, she didn't even end up with the guy. Had it been true love, like she thought, he would have gone with her, or found a way for them to stay together. She STILL hasn't figured out it was just a LIE, a fantasy. Learn from her stupidity.
2006-09-09 23:23:35 · answer #2 · answered by Lori A 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you keep thinking the same thing day after day, it is probably the correct thing. You have to do what is right for you. Whatever that may be... stay and fix the issue, or leave and fix the issue. Pretty cut and dry. Those are the two choices. Each choice is difficult and each choice is going to take effort... but doing both at the same time, is only going to end up in disaster.
2006-09-09 23:23:15 · answer #3 · answered by Its Me 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are asking for a lot of heartache and trouble. Although your situations seem identical, being involved with either a married man or woman is not the solution. And men will tell you over and over they are planning on leaving their marriage, but they never do.
So, you need to decide to leave your marriage or quit seeing the other guy and make things work at home.
2006-09-09 23:26:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK cheating is the game,that is why you are not in love with spouse,for you and the man cheating on his wife,what gos around comes around and you both will will find that out,i really believe in this,once a cheater always a cheater lets see how long you 2 will last and good at cheating.You don't play game with people's hearts.Don't you believe in your the words at your wedding,I guess not
2006-09-09 23:22:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must be reading my mind......I am in your same shoes. Except I have 3 kids and have been married 23 years. We are in the middle of a divorce/separation. My kids are l8, 20, and l2.
Long story. I moved in with the man I love for 2 years. We had so much trouble with custody and divorce proceedings and my family's disapproval that I couldn't stand it anymore. My ex got transferred l000 miles away in April. He took my l2 yr. old daughter so for me to have fifty/fifty custody.....I had to move too. Well, the move did it for my true love and me. I am sitting here hurting so bad now.....hearts really do hurt. You need to leave now and be with the love of your life.......don't wait like me.....years and kids later....
2006-09-09 23:21:09 · answer #6 · answered by chattykatty 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is a mess. try couples counselling to see if your husband can learn to better meet your needs. if you continue your hubby may end up hurt. not only that, if the other guy decides to stay true to his wife that will break your heart. and if the other guy left his wife would you be willing to leave your husband? if not then leave it alone. you are driving up a dead end street. find another hobby... i think bowling leagues are starting up this time of year.
2006-09-09 23:19:52 · answer #7 · answered by ŧťŠ4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your marrige is in the tank, cut and run. As for hurting the spouses, you have already done that. I just wonder if you will ask this same question two years from now?
2006-09-09 23:20:53 · answer #8 · answered by MAD MEL 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how can you say ur not in love with ur husband when he doesn't stand a chance , u have another man in ur life , duhhh . u know i love it when ppl are seeing someone behind their spouses back then blame the spouse for their unhappiness . get rid of the boyfriend and maybe you'll love ur husband again
2006-09-09 23:29:27 · answer #9 · answered by jojo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are getting it wrong. Guys generally do not express love in marriage. They do small little things to show that. HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT?
I'm afraid; you are getting to believe that 'more loud it is, more true it will be'. You are in a trap and may be the other guy is up to something called -NASTY.
2006-09-10 04:00:24 · answer #10 · answered by sharma.kulbhushan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋