I've been married to my wife for ten years. All this time she has basicly done nothing. I have had to work and do all the hosework, cooking and cleaning. I wake up at 4:00 in the morning to get to work and get to bed at midnight because I have so much to do.Im exausted! As fst as I can bring money into the house, she spends it. Although I have always had well paying managment positions, we have always lived check to check or worse. I always stayed with her because I thought it was my obligation to our chidren. we have four incredible kids. For years I have talked to her , argued with her and even cried but nothing has changed. 4 months ago I fell in love with another woman and she made me see that my life doesn't have to be like this. I began making plans for divorce. My wife found the information from the lawyer and swears that now she's going to change. Is it too late? I have such resentment and loathing for her and I really want to be with my new love but is it fair to the children?
2006-09-09 16:07:36 · 48 answers · asked by Kungfudad 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
marry me!
2006-09-09 16:09:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Well , i have always been an advocate for marriage; however, let me tell you this.
Life is too short. Going by what you said, you have tried for quite a while, and there has been no change. You have litterally busted your butt off for so many years, and she's never changed. unfortunately there are children involved,but you can't stay with someone who you don't love just because of the kids, in the long run this will affect them in a negative way b/c they will see you guys fighting all the time. You also deserve to be happy,this doesn't mean you don't love your kids. I'm sure you do, but, this will help you be a better person a better father for them. You also mentioned you "love" this new person, which means it's too late to try and save something that's not there anymore. I feel that you are doing the right thing , the fair thing for you , your children, and your wife.
2006-09-09 16:18:40 · answer #2 · answered by L G 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you have no time to do anything, how do you have time to find a girlfriend and spend time on Yahoo Answers? I think there is more to the story than you are offering up. How old the children are should affect whether you should leave. And what kind of a mother is she? Do you want to leave the kids with her? Because you're not getting them.
You are a big boy. You know that people don't change, and for all these years you are expecting her to change?
What can she do to convince you to change your resentment and loathing? Because if not, you should end the marriage.
Can you go back to your marriage, tell your wife about the affair, and forget about your girlfriend? Will your wife forgive you and want to stay married?
2006-09-09 16:16:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First thing: You should have never been looking for another woman while being married to your wife.
Second thing: If you do all the work and everything around the house. Control the money. Don't give her any.
Apparently you are still thinking about her and considering staying with her or you wouldn't be asking for help. Set some rules. Give her a time limit. If she can't clean house and cook and run the errands for at least a week while she is still thinking that you might be leaving then she won't do it after you decide to stay. Maybe she deserves another chance. Maybe your marriage deserves another chance.
2006-09-09 16:20:21 · answer #4 · answered by zil28ennov 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What makes you think that the new woman will be any better? Because of what she SAID? The new woman hasn't shown you what she'd be like, unless you are already living together and she's helping you raise your 4 kids. No, it's not right that your wife didn't do anything, but was she like that before you married? If so, why did you marry her? What made her change? If this new woman seems so perfect, wait 10 years, have 4 kids with HER. Then and only then, can you tell if this new woman will be any better. Your wife looks pretty bad, but are we hearing the whole story? What would she say about you and your role in the kid's lives and in her life?
2006-09-09 16:15:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you think you are king of the world. What exactly is hosework and how do you do it, ha. No, seriously though, you sound like you are whining and just trying to make yourself sound so fantastic that every woman on here would want a man like you. If you wife was as you say, why did you marry her? You are just a typical man, when then fun isn't always there, you look elsewhere instead of living up to your obligations. If you leave her for the other bimbo, your kids will resent you, as well they should. Be a man, be faithful till death do you part, give your wife a chance to change (if she needs to) or accept her as she is, for richer for poorer in sickness and health, FORESAKING ALL OTHERS, till death do you part. Don't take the easy way out, the other woman could eventually be worse.
2006-09-09 16:17:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The fairest thing you can do for your children is give them a happy and well balanced parent that shows them love with or without a marriage. Your failing marriage is an issue between you and your wife. An issue you need to resolve by moving on with your life so you will be able to be the parent they deserve because you are happy. You are actually enabing your wife because you do everything, so moving on may actually be what she truly needs so she can learn independence and be a better mother to your children because she will be forced to do the things you have been doing. You need to talk to your kids and let them know your intention without mentioning the ephiphany you can have a better life came because you have met another woman. The other woman, needs to be put on the back burner while you sort through what may become a true mess. If your children know there is another woman involved (too soon) they will become resentful because despite the understanding they may have about why you want to leave, if they know its another woman you are going to be the bad guy because they are going to see you as cheating on their mother. Good Luck
2006-09-09 16:46:31 · answer #7 · answered by philly_q_t_2004 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The two of you would benefit from couple's counseling, not so much because I believe you can still save the relationship, but because you will need to transition out of it as peacefully as possible, making sure you can agree on how to coparent before the divorce. Otherwise, if she's as lazy as you claim, she's likely to use the kids to get as much money out of you as possible.
As to the other woman, well..I hate to break it to you, but nice women don't date married men! Talk about selfish, she's been talking you into leaving your wife, which will cause significant and permanent damage to your children, yourself and your finances, but all she cares about his that she "wants to be with you." That's selfish!
You're just enamored of the attention you are getting from her, that you aren't getting from your wife, plus all the frustrations you have at home are making the "grass look greener on the other side of the fence."
Even if you do end up in divorce, moving right into another relationship doesn't give you the MUCH NEEDED time to recover and learn what YOU did that contributed to the demise of your relationship, as well as how to better select a suitable mate. Settling for the first hussy that enters your pants is NOT trading up, but more likely down. Don't be surprised when she's not too pleased to find out that more than half your take home pay is going to the ex-wife and kids.
With 4 kids and a wife that never worked, you may well lose 60% of your check! Plus half of any retirement you have accumulated!
Your financial issues are as much your fault as hers. You could have taken responsibility for that years ago, and put her on an allowance. You didn't, so the fault on that one is shared.
If you think staying home with 4 kids all day, chauffering them to their activities, doctors and dentist appointments, teacher's conferences and the like is doing nothing all day, then all I can say is try it some time. It's not so easy.
Anyhow...stay or go, either way counseling would help you both, and if you leave, leave alone and give yourself the time to learn how to do it right next time.
I suspect you're not all that hot at choosing women based on whether or not they share your goals, values or vision of how life should be.
2006-09-09 16:16:03 · answer #8 · answered by Lori A 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you in a very hard place right now, aren't you? Would she forgive you for being unfaithful to your wedding vows? She's only feeling out of control...this is probably why she is spending like crazy. Take control of finances. Give her an allowance. But if your on the brink of leaving you should. That's the hard part. So much work to get a divorce these days. And you have to pay for a lawyer. And she'll get everything because it looks like she stayed at home with the kids. Tell her to get a damn job and be nice to you. And take a month off too.
2006-09-09 16:26:10 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You both need to get away , find someone to watch the kids and go away for the weekend...Don't even think about this other woman while you are with your wife...You both deserve to give your marriage a second chance...Let her show you she can change ...if she doesn't then do whatever you feel is best but call the lawyer and tell them the divorce is on hold...Ten years is alot of time into a marriage without trying to make things better
2006-09-09 16:28:20 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be Happy!???!!!
Seek Godly advice you and wife.Do you think if you gave her another(LAST) chance she would change?If you know in your heart that another(try) would be in vain.I say go for the love you have right now!I want to add a comment about the LOVE you should not have cheated,you should of waited until divorce papers were at hand.The time & energy put into maintaining another WOMEN/MAN relationship, you could have spent on your wife/husband. Children are always best influenced in a happy home.I would think that her taking care of 4 children is a full time job.I KNOW this because I have 4 daughters 18-22, but I also worked .Soooo make her get a job and both do house work.I re-read your Qs you said fell in love so .you can fall in love and not cheat.Be happy you owe that to yourself after 10yrs.
2006-09-09 16:41:40 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋