My husband has consistantly had problems speaking up on my behalf. For example, a few years back when we were in college, our boss made "a pass" at me. More specifically placed his hands on my hips and proceeded to rub himself against my "back-side" thinking it was "cute." After telling my husband, he just kind of shruged it off saying "that was just how he is." After seeing how upset I was and telling him I deserved an apology, he went to the manager to let her handle the situation rather than handle it himself. I wasn't wanting him to "punch his lights out," just wanted him to tell his boss how inappropriate that was and out of respect for both of us to apologize. I asked him why he didn't handle it himself and his reply was that "he didn't want to lose his job." This was a part-time $9 hr position. It hurt me really bad then, and it still does. He didn't even plan anything for my college graduation. He's always willing to do anything for me but what matters most. HELP
2006-09-09 15:58:52 · 16 answers · asked by LULU 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To husbands: If your wife told you someone had made a pass at her in this way, wouldn't you take charge and at the very least, confront the person? Am I wrong? Please note that I was in shock at the time. I was so floored my boss would ever do anything like this - and in effect, didn't know how to react.
2006-09-09 16:11:49 · update #1
Okay, I understand what you're saying. U want your husband to be the man and the protector. But in that scenario u described above , if it was me in that position, I would've taken care of it myself because my husband would've been in an awkward position to do it for me then. BUT...if it happens often I can see where u would have a problem with it, especially if it happens in front of him. If that's the case I would just have to say that your husband is the type of person who hates any kind of confrontation...this is just who he is and u either have to learn to just accept it or leave.
But consider that maybe he's not been put in a position yet where he'll really light off on someone's a** and he probably picks and chooses his battles wisely. Afterall, there's a saying that says "It's the quiet ones u have to watch out for".
2006-09-09 16:39:58 · answer #1 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard one! If you've had problems in the past and he has told you that he will change and keeps telling you that he will change.......guess what? He's not going to change. It is always so much easier for people on the outside to see the right and wrong in relationships. I for one, think you should leave because YOU DESERVE BETTER. You and only you are the one that has to make you happy by making the decisions to be happy. So don't depend on anyone else to make you happy. You shouldn't have to depend on anyone for anything. Sure, sometimes we all need a little help, but don't live like you have to depend on someone else...........
As far as the "boss harrasment", he is a weak man that doesn't have the b*lls to defend his woman. That says it all right there. Sorry if I offend you.
2006-09-10 00:05:03 · answer #2 · answered by Golosa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could be for a number of reasons. He's being put in a very complex dilemma... he runs the risk of making you less safe if there are reprisals from the boss. If this is the case, he should be explaining it to you, but don't just assume that there is an easy answer. Maybe he has some other plan of dealing with it that he's not telling you about. Is he a strategic kind of guy?
Don't give up on him yet.
2006-09-09 23:05:47 · answer #3 · answered by troyboy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if I had been the victim I would have spoke my mind to the jerk especially if my husband was only making 9 bucks an hour. But it is still after a few years back bothering you. If your not in love with him anymore and counsling is out of the picture then it is best to move on but I wish you would try counsling first. Something about your relationship tells me it's worth saving...now if my boss did that to my significant other, I would have risked losing my job by reaming her/him and new...behind.
2006-09-09 23:15:55 · answer #4 · answered by Lipstick 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It was not his place to address the boss problem . You should have made it clear to your boss that his behavior was inappropriate , and then it should have been over . If he did it again AFTER YOU told him to stop , then mention it to your husband . I don't think that you have given any legitimate reason to leave your husband . He is like a lot of husbands , we are busy with jobs and homelife . We frequently forget things , but that doesn't mean that he doesn't care . Maybe you should try to loosen up . Maybe the problem ins't entirely him . Good Luck .
2006-09-09 23:09:56 · answer #5 · answered by sgs_2020 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your issue with your husband is understandable since you expect your husband to protect you. However, some of that sensitive nature your husband exhibits is what attracted you. I am sure you can appreciate this aspect of his personality since you said yourself, " he is always willing to do anything" for you. You can not move forward if you are always looking in the past. You have to leave what happened years ago, in the past. If you have been harboring a resentment towards him because of what he did (and neither of you can change now) it is going to make it difficult to see the bright side of him being a little sensitive. Is there another issue here? After 9 years of marriage, being ready to just leave because to you he is acting like a wimp (for lack of better words) seems drastic. Instead of expecting him to speak up for you, start speaking up for yourself, since you know he is not going to do it for you. As for him not planning anything for your college graduation, again its the past..let it go if you truly want to move forward. Good Luck
2006-09-09 23:26:38 · answer #6 · answered by philly_q_t_2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were saying he'd gladly stay home to watch the kids because he doesn't want to apply himself and work, then I'd say he does everything but what matters....
You needed to stand up for yourself. I know how you feel, coz my husband just let his stepmother walk all over me all the time in front of other family members...but then one day I realized I could have and SHOULD have been standing up for myself and not be mad at him. Especially since he's not a stand-up sort anyway.
I don't know your other problems, but if this is the biggest, I think you could forgive him, forgive yourself, and move on.
2006-09-10 10:46:19 · answer #7 · answered by *babydoll* 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't expect him to have a backbone if you refuse to.
If you're being violated at work, be an adult and stand up for yourself. Bringing in another person to the situation, regardless of who that person is, is unprofessional. Don't hold your unwillingness to confront someone over your husband.
I'd be willing to bet he bends over backwards for you already....but not what matters most, according to you; meaning, if he's not perfect, you'll find that opening and blame him for it.
2006-09-09 23:14:03 · answer #8 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
and you didn't SUE for sexual harrasement?
what type of women are you
well there is alos the problem if he had too much back bone
your boss would be dead by now
BTW at 9 bucks and hour
you married a boy not a man
as those are boys wages
clue in
geez
2006-09-09 23:47:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont let it fester so much that the POINT of NO return is what you will be dealing with. 9 yrs, it deserves a chat if hes the good guy you say he is....he certainly needs to know how MUCH it has effected you & the relationship.
2006-09-09 23:12:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋