if i left you tonight, what would you say?
would you condemn me for the bastard I am?
would you wish me well and send me on my way?
if i left you tonight, what would you say?
tomorrow is tomorrow and thousands are
the songs yet to be sung?
if i left you tonight, what would say?
make peace with yourself? be at peace
with yourself and your whore?
if I left You tonight, what would You say?
You would say, "may demons **** you
In the deepest regions of your stupid ***."
2006-09-09 15:11:41 · 6 answers · asked by indian_ernie42 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
I was loving it till the end...then you lost it.
nothing poetic about demons **** ing you in the the deepest regions of your stupid ***.
rewrite the end, and you've got something there.
2006-09-09 15:15:47 · answer #1 · answered by Stormy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The booze seemed to enable Dylan Thomas's muse until it killed him.However, I would advise you to lay off the hard stuff period. For this effort you get a C- , kiddo. Sober up, try to get over your bitterness, and try again.
2006-09-09 22:21:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're angry.....first at yourself and then at the person the poem was written about. As for the quality of the poem.....read it when you're sober and I think you'll be able to judge that for yourself.
2006-09-09 22:16:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's funny, young, and angry. If that's what you're going for, then you achieved it.
Whatever your voice may be (young, angry, etc...) be true to how it sounds. That's my only critique.
Wish I could have a drink right now too. lol
2006-09-09 22:23:38 · answer #4 · answered by cherrycaat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep trying its way to high school student done wrong by girl
2006-09-09 22:23:32 · answer #5 · answered by knowitall 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better stay off the juice....
2006-09-09 22:14:51 · answer #6 · answered by keepsondancing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋