I have a problem and need help. I have two children of my own and I have 3 step children, they are all boys. I've always been a strick parent with my two boys, I had to because their father left when they were young. They are now 17 and 15 and they never get in any trouble. My three stepsons are always getting in trouble at home and school. My husband thinks that I'm picking on them all the time because I seem to be on them all the time. But I don't do to them anything that I wouldn't do to me own sons. I know it's not the boys fault. their mother never pays attention to them. I've tried to keep my mouth shut and let my husband only punish them but he don't do anything to them, and once they were playing around in the house and broke our big picture window. My husband was going to just ignore what happened, I couldn't shut up any more and grounded them, since then my husband and I have been fighting, am I too much of a hard as3 ?
2006-09-09 14:33:02 · 10 answers · asked by aly_girl501 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
I have to say so far everyone has very good advice I have a step daughter and for a long time my husband treated her different than my boys but he eventually seen that that was doing more damage than good and changed his ways we still have occasional problems. Maybe your husband is feeling like he has failed in some way and it's too late to change the game now. Either way I would explore your husbands feelings and see if he just might be feeling guilty over not being there for them like he wanted too and in some sort of way he thinks if he is lenient on them that will make up for lost time.
2006-09-09 15:07:50 · answer #1 · answered by tracy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not..Your husband's always going to think that way because your not there mother I do think things got a little carried any and if your husbands not going to disapline the someone had to you cant let them get away with that kind of stuff..If you would have what would it have been next? I really strongly suggest that you and your husband sit down and talk to eachother so you get on the same page as for as all the children or else you may start haveing problems with yours.. All of them should be disaplined equally..Good Luck and God Bless you..
2006-09-09 15:16:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are in no way a hard bottom. when you married your husband you became an instant mother of his children. As long as you treat his children the same as your own he has no right to say that you can not punish the children. If he continues to have problems about him punishing the boys remind him the children will leave when they grow up and he will only have you unless he pushes you away before then. I have been in the same boat as you are except I had 2 girls and he had 2 girls and 2 boys and all live with us.
2006-09-09 15:20:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how frustrating it is. My husband was a single parent for 9 years after his first wife passed away, and he spoiled them and didn't make them do anything for themselves. They are now 20 & 21 and cannot live out on their own because no one will put up with how they live (Total slobs), and of course when I try to get them to do things around the house they cry to their dad that I am being mean. You HAVE to treat them like you treat your kids or your kids will end up resenting them for being able to do whatever they want. They have to learn how to behave or they will have a hard time as adults. My step-kids behavior almost ruined our marriage. Get counseling before it goes too far.
2006-09-09 14:40:18 · answer #4 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not too much of a 'hard ***'. In fact, your husband is doing his sons a great disservice by NOT disciplining them. It sounds as if he's trying to be their friend, and not their father. I suggest counseling, especially if you and your husband are fighting over this. You need 'back up', and the only place to get it is from a 'neutral' third party. The sooner the better, before he's having to bail his sons out of jail!
2006-09-09 15:47:43 · answer #5 · answered by hrprrbn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The hardest job in the world is to be a step parent. You need to sit down with your husband and talk about what is going on. You need to come up with rules and they must be followed by all parties. You have to present a united front. Good Luck!
2006-09-09 14:37:42 · answer #6 · answered by blueyes2001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do no longer spank them. inspite of what every person's ethical perspectives are on it, their mom would be urgent quotes against you in case you do. i will inform you that for specific with the help of what you assert approximately her. You and your husband ought to recent a united front right here, inspite of the style you decide directly to handle it. And if he won't help you, it rather is advisable to take an prolonged, stressful look at your relationship. this can no longer circulate away, or be hassle-free to be certain. the optimal element is, in spite of you decide directly to do, persist with it, jointly, and don't circulate into opposite. additionally, do no longer make a great fuss approximately it. in the event that they have been advised "no television in case you do/do no longer try this or that", while they smash the rule, quietly unplug the television and eliminate the distant from the room, without a be conscious. we've long previous thus far as taking it out of the room altogether for something of the day with my daughter. She replaced into an angel for weeks after that. locate their weak spot, and use it.
2016-11-07 00:20:01 · answer #7 · answered by mcthay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what you did was fair!! Just because they are step-kids doesnt mean they shouldnt have respect for your things and if your husband isnt going to do anything then who else is going to if you dont! So tell him if he dont want you saying anything to HIS kids then control them.
You are married and share that house you have a say!
Becareful because step-kids can ruin a good marriage.
Plus step-kids feel they dont have to listen to step-parents because they arent their real parents so punishment can be difficult sometimes.
But if no one is going to correct them why not say something.
I could go on and on topic's like this make me bad because step-kids just get away with so much.
You said their mom dont pay much attention to them and their dad wont punish them and they get into trouble a lot sounds like they need guidence. But also they way i see it is they arent your so if it isnt hurting you dont feel you have to do something about it.
Like for example when my fiance's step kids are around they will have respect for my stuff! And he is responsible for correcting them when they do wrong, but if they do something to hurt my stuff then i step up!! I have expectations that the kids should pick their toys up and if it isnt done i come down on him. So since he dont want to hear me complain he just simply makes them pick up their toys they scatter around in the livingroom.
so on. blah blah blah
My point is step-parents do have a right to say stuff when their stuff is being disrespected.
2006-09-09 14:47:23 · answer #8 · answered by mellow_26241 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep on being a parent. That's your job. Maybe your husband can take a few lessons from you.
2006-09-09 14:37:54 · answer #9 · answered by Dean B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Tough situation. Did you know how he was with his kids before you married him?
2006-09-09 14:37:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋