I'm 7 weeks pregnant now and my boyfriend is away at Binghamton NY. He attends Binghamton University and wont be done for a year and a half and it hurts that he can't share this pregnany with me and he probably wont be able to come down for the delivery. He says I am not alone but I can't help but feel that way I have to scan and e-mail sonograms and let him know how I and the baby is doing it breaks my heart. I wish he was here and I want him to be here and I just don't know what to do.
I'm 20 years old and even though I am young I understand that being a parent is hard and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make my child happy but I just wish the father could be around
Has anyone else been through it? If so how do you deal with this?
2006-09-09 13:45:47 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
It doesn't sound like he's anxious to share this with you. Having a baby requires lifestyle changes and it sounds like he's not going to buy into it.
2006-09-09 13:50:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I haven't been through it technically, when I was first pregnant I had a horrible time with it, my fiance at the time was in the military 1300 miles away...I was really stressed about it, he wanted to get married so I started planning a wedding which caused more stress, I ended up having a miscarriage and I was all alone, it was really horrible, the next time I saw him was a couple days before the wedding, that was back in April and now I am pregnant again, due in Feb 08, just to find out that he deploys in Feb 08 after the baby is born, he'll be gone for a year (with the exception of 2 weeks 6 months in to he deployment when he gets to come home). It will be hard without him, but I know I will do the best job possible. So, I kinda know how you feel, and I'm sorry you have to go through it, but the best advice I can offer is that you can't stress out, and that you have to enjoy this pregnancy, it's a wonderful experience (today I felt my baby kick for the first time). Visit when you can, talk on the phone, and tell him everything that you feel right down to the smallest detail when you experience something with your baby. But don't stress out and have a good time. you can write me at snsheley0415@yahoo.com if you want to chat..
2006-09-09 14:49:36 · answer #2 · answered by snsheley0415 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing that came to mind was all the 9-11 baby's. They are now 5 years old and there moms are widowed. I think It would be hard to do it alone, but think of it this way, there is alot more crappy situations. I am 20 weeks and I know it would be hard to not have the daddy around, but it sounds like you are doing all you can. (scanning ultrasounds and stuff) I think you are a great mom and will make it. Be happy that your boy friend is finishing school. This will help make a secure future for your young child. That makes him a great father as well. If you need a pen pal or something, my email is sr22racing@hotmail.com
2006-09-09 13:54:07 · answer #3 · answered by sr22racing 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I am very sorry to tell you this ...but....if he doesn't want to be there for the pregnancy AND can't even come home for the birth . then I say you are better off without him....believe me I have been through this.....and if he is not willing to share his valuable time with you now, then more than likely--he sure won't have time for a screaming, pooping, spitting baby. I am so sorry for you and I know how much this hurts...believe me. I think you should talk to him and point out the things that i have pointed out to you....(if he is not here for you now, will he be there for the baby?) for your sake i really hope so...but...from what im getting from your question he probably wont. ESPECIALLY if he isn't going to take time to come to the birth. I promise you I am not trying to sound so negative, I am just telling you from experience. AND it is okay to be scared right now, it would be abnormal if you weren't. But I promise you things will be okay. Good Luck and God Bless. If you need to talk e-mail me at ky_jen21@yahoo. com--------and please don't hesitate for a second if you need to talk, i know i am a stranger but i will be here for you. best wishes and try to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy by imagining what a miracle you have growing in your tummy : )
2006-09-09 14:09:31 · answer #4 · answered by Jane Doe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie you are so young!!!!!
You need to take care of the health of yourself and the baby. Worrying about him is going to cause you unnecessary stress that could harm you and /or the baby. I think it would be wise for you to establish a support system of friends and family so you don't feel so alone. Talk with friends and family. Talk with your boyfriend find out his intent in all of this. Just be prepared to stand on your own two feet!!! You owe that to yourself and the baby!! Oh and by the way...You should be thinking that you are willing to do whatever is in the BEST INTEREST of the baby...Im sure alot of parents here will agree with me that just to make the child "happy" will end up being the worst thing to do... Thats how you end up with a defiant, spoiled kid that won't listen unless you're jumping though hoops for them.... :) Im not trying to insult you, mabey make you smile...
Good Luck!!!
I pray for the best for you and your baby.
2006-09-09 14:09:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My heart goes out to you, I assume that he must be your age, and being 20 isn't young to have a child as you're both responsible adults. Therefore I have this to say it takes 2 to become pregant and accidents do happen.
It is his responsibility as the father of your child to be a part of this pregancy. Alas you cannot force him or make him due to distance but there are ways that you can get help, because by law he is responsible for you and the baby. I'd suggest for you to move in with him, get your family and his to help out if you can. Look for the school which has suport, and of course a pregnancy group in your local area. Going to school isn't an excuse. I have not been in your shoes, but my sister has, she has done exactly what you're doing in the end he took off! His family paid her to keep her mouth shut, they still pay child support. My nephew is now 7 yr old asking about his father. It's sad but it happens.
2006-09-09 14:02:16 · answer #6 · answered by men 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your family should be there also. They will probably be your best support. Give your husband or boy friend a chance to be a part of your life, but if he does not want any part of this, show him the door and make your own way. Many women have lost their men in the war or in accidents and done very well. If he is not there 100%, it would be better not at all or your will have two babies to care for.
2006-09-09 13:56:56 · answer #7 · answered by Pey 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know what you are going through. But you just have to hold strong. But what i dont understand is he was around to help make that baby and now he cant take responiblity to at least be their when it is born or attend some appt.s with you. Its not like he has school on the weekends. I would comfront him about this and hold your ground! This just seems wrong to me i understand he is trying to get an education, but he help make it and it is is baby too and if he really cared about you he would come around more and call every night or two and ask how you are doing.
But just so you know at 7 wks preg. it is normal to worry about things! I remember i felt worried at the beginning when i first found out and now i feel worried and im 8 and half months!! My due date is coming up fast and my life is about to chance.
2006-09-09 13:54:30 · answer #8 · answered by mellow_26241 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hang in there. See if there are any ultrasound places that will do videos on the ultrasound machine. You might want to see about buying or renting a camcorder to tape some of the big moments, or even do a video diary every couple of days. those would be good things to be able to send to him, and if possible, he could send video diary stuff to you too. If you both have access to computers, see about webcams to help make you feel closer together. And check from now whether there is any video taping of deliveries at any of your local hospitals.
2006-09-09 13:53:44 · answer #9 · answered by Cyndi Storm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just hold your head up ! Every woman goes through this stages because the baby's inside us growing . Honestly the mother is usually the one stuck with the baby 85% of the time some times 99% so just focus on being a good mother .Send your babydaddy plenty of parenting books cause it will need them
2006-09-09 13:57:02 · answer #10 · answered by nealy pooh 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
never been through it but, Is your moving there an option?
seems like that could be an answer. Is he really committed to you?
There are support groups at the local Christian pregnancy clinics here. They do free pregnancy testing and supply basics to help get you started as a new mother, there is also free councelling. It's also a good place to volunteer, you will meet others in the same situation,
2006-09-09 13:56:35 · answer #11 · answered by snowcrablegs 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋