How can I make my husband open up with me?

Question

I do think we have some marital issues needed to discuss but he seems not open for a dialogue or communication and doesn't acknowledge we are having marital problems especially 'bout our sex life- we seldom have sex

Answer 1

FIRST OFF, YOU CAN'T "MAKE" HIM DO ANYTHING.

YOU MIGHT JUST CHANGE YOUR APPROACH. DONOT ASSUME THAT YOUR PERCEPTION OF THINGS (HIS BEHAVIOR) DOES NOT MEAN THAT THA IS HIS INTENT. ALSO, IF YOU COMPLAIN, CRITICIZE HIM, YOU ARE ACTUALLY ENCOURAGING HIM TO WITHDRAW.

GO SOMEWHERE WITH NO ELECTRONICS (NO TV, NO CELL PHONES, NO RADIO, NO KIDS) LIKE A PICNIC IN THE PARK. SOMEWHERE WHERE YOU TWO CAN ENJOY EACH OTHER'S COMPANY WITHOUT INTERRUPTION, AND HAVE SOME PRIVACY.

TELL HIM WHAT YOU ARE FFEELING WITHOUT ACCUSING OR BLAMING HIM FOR ANYTHING. TELL HIM OF YOUR PERCEPTIONS, AND HOW YOU FEEL. TELL HIM WHY YOU THINK AND FEEL THAT WAY WITHOUT MAKING ANY STATEMENTS STARTING WITH "YOU". NO FINGER-POINTING! USE STATEMENTS LIKE "I FEEL" AND "I THINK".
DON'T USE WORDS LIKE "PISSED OFF" OR "MAD" OR "ANGRY". ANGER IS REALLY FEAR AND FRUSTRATION, SO GET REAL ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.

WHEN PEOPLE HAVE EMOTIONAL INTIMACY, THEY TRUST THEIR PARTNER WITH THEIR SECRET FEELINGS, DOUBTS, FEARS, FRUSTRATIONS, AND INSECURITIES. THEY TRUST THEIR PARTNER TO TELL THEM THAT THEY FEEL INADEQUATE OR UNWORTHY. THEY TRUST THAT THEY WILL BE HEARD AND ACCEPTED, AND NOT SQUASHED OR HOLDING THAT INFO AGAINST THEM..THEY TRUST THAT IT WILL STAY BETWEEN YOU TWO.

WHEN PEOPLE SPEND LOTS OF TIME TOGETHER, THEY FORGET TO ACTIVELY PURSUE EACH OTHER, AND THEY ASSUME THAT THEIR MERE PRESENCE IS ENOUGH TO FULFILL EACH OTHER. GUESS WHAT....WHEN YOU FORGET TO WATER THE PLANTS, THEY DIE.

IT SOUNDS AS IF SOMETHING IS CAUSING HIM OR THE BOTH OF YOU TO WITHDRAW FROM THAT EMOTIONAL INTIMACY. MAYBE SOMEONE FEELS TAKEN FOR GRANTED, OR THAT THERE IS TOO MUCH PRESSURE ON THEM. MAYBE SOMEONE FEELS IGNORED OR JUST TOLERATED.

DON'T ASSUME THAT BECAUSE YOU KNOW EACH OTHER SO WELL, THAT YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO READ EACH OTHERS' MINDS, AND JUST KNOW WHAT EACH OTHER IS THINKING, OR WHAT THEY MEANT WHEN THEY SAID SOMETHING.

SET THE EXAMPLE BY TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN FEELINGS. SHARE YOUR PERCEPTION WITHOUT HOLDING IT AGAINST HIM. GIVE HIM THE CHANCE TO SET YOU STRAIGHT WITH HIS ACTUAL INTENT.

HERE'S AN EXAMPLE: "HONEY, I FEEL UNAPPRECIATED AND UNLOVED WHEN I COME HOME AFTER WORKING ALL DAY AND TAKING THE KIDS TO SOCCER PRACTICE.....AND I COME HOME, WIPED OUT, AND YOU ARE HOME WATCHING THE GAME, AND I AM STILL EXPECTED TO GET DINNER TOGETHER FOR EVERYONE AND CLEAN UP.....AND I FEEL UNWANTED WHEN I INITIATE A LITTLE LOVIN' AND YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED.....I FEEL LIKE I AM BEING REJECTED..."

GIVE HIM A CHANCE TO TELL YOU WHAT HIS ACTUAL INTENT WAS. HE MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN CHEWED OUT AT WORK, AND HAVE A BACKACHE OR SOMETHING. HE MIGHT BE FEELING LIKE A HUGE FAILURE BECAUSE YOU ARE UNSATISFIED, AND HE MIGHT BE GETTING PERFORMANCE ANXIETY IN THE BEDROOM, BECAUSE HE IS SO GOAL-ORIENTED ABOUT PLEASING YOU. YOU HAVE TO GIVE HIM A CHANCE TO TELL YOU.

YOU HAVE TO BE KIND, GENTLE, AND COMPASSIONATE. YOU HAVE TO HAVE EMPATHY. YOU HAVE TO PUT THE DOTS REALLY CLOSE TOGETHER, BECAUSE MEN ARE NOT BIOLOGICALY EQUIPPED WITH THE KIND OF EMOTIONAL INTUITION THAT WOMEN ARE. THEY JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO TALK ABOUT IT, LET ALONE, IT IS NOT SOMETHING THAT CROSSES THEIR MINDS OFTEN.

BEFORE YOU TALK TO HIM, THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE NOT FEELING FROM HIM THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO. THINK ABOUT WHAT IT WOULD TAKE FOR HIM TO MEET THOSE NEEDS. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS HAVE A SOLUTION THAT WOULD HELP YOU TO OFFER HIM, SO HE KNOWS THAT THERE IS AN ACCOMPLISHABLE GOAL.

COMPLAINING DOESN'T DO MUCH BUT TELL HIM THAT YOU ARE IMPOSSILE TO PLEASE. IT ANNOYS HIM AND HE FIGURES THAT SINCE HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW, HE ISN'T MOTIVATED TO TRY. OR IF HE FIGURES THAT HE CAN'[T PLEASE YOU, WHY SHOULD HE BOTHER TRYING.

WE ALL WANT TO BE APPRECIATED, LOVED, ACKNOWLEDGED, TO HAVE RECOGNITION, ADMIRATION, TRUST, FEEL IMPORTANT, NEEDED, CARED FOR, THOUGHFUL, LISTENED TO, CONSIDERED, ACCEPTED, DESIRED, AND SAUGHT AFTER.

YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO INSPIRE THOSE FEELINGS IN YOUR PARTNER, ESPECIALLY IF YOU WANT YOUR PARTNER TO INSPIRE THOSE FEELINGS IN YOU.

YOU HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF, WHAT DO YOU DO THAT FULFILLS THOSE NEEDS FOR YOUR PARTNER? DO YOU TELL HIM THAT YOU APPRECIATED HIS EFFORT WITH SOMETHING? DO YOU TELL HIM HE IS THOUGHTFUL IF HE GETS SOMETHING FOR YOU? DO YOU TELL HIM THAT A HUG/KISS COMBE MADE YOU FEEL SEXY AND WANTED? DO YOU TELL HIM THAT YOU LIKE HOW HE LISTENED TO YOU AND THAT IT MADE YOU FEEL IMPORTANT?

REFER TO THE AFOREMENTIONED LIST OF FEELINGS WE ALL WANT, ESPECIALLY FROM OUR PARTNERS. MAKE YOUW OWN LIST AND ADD TO IT IF I WASNT THOROUGH ENOUGH. TAKE IT WITH YOU WHEN YOU GO TALK TO HIM.

YOU SHOULD BE SPENDING THIS KIND OF TIME WITH EACH OTHER AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK. YOU SHOULD BE KEEPING EACH OTHER POSTED WITH "I REALLY APPRECIATED WHAT YOU DID FOR ME THE OTHER DAY. I FEEL LIKE YOU "GET ME" FINALLY, AND THAT YOU REALLY DO CARE FOR ME" " HAVE I TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I APPRECIATED YOU LATELY? YOU ARE SO STRONG, CAPABLE, INSIGHTFUL, CONSIDERATE.....(ADD SOME MORE GOOD QUALITIES)"

THE SEX LIFE IS USUALLY A CASUALTY OF POOR COMMUNICATION AND UNFULFILLED NEEDS EMOTIONALLY. WHEN YOU CAN GET INTO THE SAME CHAPTER, AND EVENTUALLY ON THE SAME PAGE, YOUR SEX LIFE WILL START TO WORK IT'S WAY OUT.

JUST A TIP: IF PERFORMANCE ANXIETY IS ONE OF YOUR ISSUES, TRY APPROACHING SEX WITH NO PARTICULAR GOAL IN MIND, AND LOW EXPECTATIONS. IT TAKES THE PRESSURE OFF.

MAKE IT FUN AGAIN WITH QUICKIE-STYLE UNSELFISH ACTIONS. JUMP IN THE SHOWER WITH HIM AND GIVE HIM A QUICK bj, AND THEN GET OUT AND GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS. WHISPER IN HIS EAR THAT YOU WOULD LOVE A QUICK ORAL YOURSELF LATER ON. MASTURBATE IN FRONT OF EACH OTHER ONCE IN A WHILE, AND PUT ON A SHOW WHEN YOU DO IT. GIVE HIM A BACKRUB AND A HAND JOB BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP. MAKE IT QUICK AND FUN. TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF FROM EXPECTING A LONG, SLOW, SENSUOUS PERFORMANCE THAT HE MIGHT NOT FEEL HE IS UP TO.

MAKE SURE TO ASK FOR THINGS AS MANY TIMES AS YOU GIVE THEM..... FLIRT WITH HIM, ALWAYS. AND FLASH HIM SOMETIMES. GRAB HIS BOOTY WHEN YOU WALK BY. LET HIM KNOW WITH SMALL JESTURES THAT YOU STILL FIND HIM ATTRACTIVE AND SEXY.

TELL HIM YOU WOULD BE HAPPY TO IRON HIS SHIRTS IF HE WOULD GET DOWN ON HIS KNEES AND TAKE CARE OF YOU FOR 10 MINUTES. REWARD HIS GOOD BEHAVIOR OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM WITH A SEXUAL FAVOR. "HONEY, I WOULD BE SO GRATEFUL IF YOU WOULD EMPTY THE DISHWASHER....I WOULD JUST DO ANYTHING TO SHOW MY THANKS...." (GIVE HIM A BJ).

Answer 2

Im simply insensed that the majority of people answer this question as if a man is incapible of communication, or shareing deep emotional discussions....If you sit down, and openly and honestly discuss your marriage with him, your mutual wants and needs, maybe some goal and dreams, he might just surprize you. What I see your saying is you have issues with being unsatisfied, so sit down and explain how YOUR feeling...and see if he sees things the same way? He might not. The idea of him having a girl on the side, is to say the least a big assumtion. Talk about your wants, and your needs...and his role in making your marrige satisfying....Let him know you desire him, and Im sure this will help.

Answer 3

Your husband to open up with you ? For what ? It seems you want to discuss sex with him. You need not worry for sex falling short of mutual need, so long as he is not having any extra marital affairs or having deformity to carry out normal sex. At times not having sex could also be a routine affair like having sex ! Wait for one of your sensuous moments to be together all along maintaining your deep passion for him !! Cheers, he is certainly yours !!!

Answer 4

Emily: theory are one element, strikes of direction, are yet another.... i'm possibly the oldest contributor to your question, so i'm the "wild card" I actual have been married two times, yet this time for 40-seven years.... I actual have not been bored, or had any wanderlust, or any elect for the different woman in my long existence.... My first marriage ended because of the fact of her infidelity, or in line with danger her boredom... I by no ability knew. yet while all you're married for is intercourse, then are not getting married. you will get each and all the action you may ever elect by being unmarried. yet you've gotten each and all the misfortunes of promiscuity then additionally.. STD's help's and undesirable being pregnant. i'm no longer a prophet of doom, in basic terms a useful, being concerned person, who heavily entered marriage for the purpose of having a relatives, no longer for actual entertainment. So, my suggestions are incredibly rapidly forward, and in line with danger somewhat previous shaped.... yet i comprehend while i glance at my spouse, and he or she at me, that we each and each see in the different, the explanation to be married. as quickly as I see my little ones, my grand-chldren, and my great-grand little ones, then I see my very own eternity. What else is there..... particularly?

Answer 5

If he has not opened up to you by now, then he will not change. People do not change and you cannot force change upon anyone without their effort of course. If you are not having a sex, perhaps, your relationship is in a lull. Think of things that the two of you used to like doing together...try to rekindle those things.

Answer 6

You both may have reached an impass in your marriage so spice things up. Instead of trying to get him to open up which is impossible for men, take matters in your own hands. Be aggressive take charge one night make it interesting something out of the ordinary. Ask your husband out on a date, send him flowers, write him a love letter.

Answer 7

Men can be so cruel. What is wrong with admitting you are not good at everything. They are cowards who don't like dealing with reality. You need to start doing what makes you happy. Go get a vibrator and some porn and watch it in front of him. See if u don't get his attention then. Maybe u'll enjoy yourself so much you won't even need him anymore.

Answer 8

first of all, i'm gonna answer this question, from the bottom up, ok! first of all, SEX is NOT the main ingredient to a marriage, by ANY means! Second of all! if he's not open to talking about the marriage, maybe there ISN'T anything to talk about, leave him, and tell him, you never wanted to talk about the problem, so i walked away from it! THE END!!!

Answer 9

He probably has a girlfriend, sweetie! You are trying to control hie behavior and you need to learn that you cannot do that. Concentrate on your own behavior and what you can do.

Answer 10

First you open up with him.

Answer 11

You have to talk with him openly,is the only way.