He remarried. Moved away and cut contact. We are amicable and I have never had any objections to him seeing her. I believe it would be beneficial to her to maintain contact, She is my only child but her father went onto have another 2 children and step daughter living with him. Anyone else experienced this and will they ever talk again?
2006-09-09 11:54:28 · 31 answers · asked by Londoner 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
At 15 she needs time. Give her all the time she needs. He took all the time he needed right? If she wants to wait 5 more years to begin to look at a relationship with him. Let her. You can't force this. Just love her, be there for her, and guide her. When and IF she wants, discuss with her the pros and cons of maintaining a relationship with a father (which technically he's not since he was never there for her) who did not treat her as a daughter. He may continue to reject her for many years. She doesn't need multiple abandonment issues if he doesn't meet her views of what a TRUE FATHER really is. It's never wrong for you to want to help your daughter maintain somewhat of a relationship with a father. I commend you for that. I am a father with sole custody of my 2 boys 3 & 5 whose mother just disappeared from our lives. She attempts no contact with them. None. Zero. (long story). So this topic goes deep within me. For your daughters sake be very careful how, and what you say about him in front of her, if it's going to be negative. How you talk about him, can still affect HER self-esteem. So stay as positive as you can. Remember the definition of a true father, and then understand if she does not want to take that step just yet. Before I close. Please, please encourage the "beauty of forgiveness" in your daughter regarding all this. It will add beauty to her life forever instead of bitterness. Thanks for asking and sharing your thoughts. :)
2006-09-09 12:18:40 · answer #1 · answered by skoosh_me 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In most cases, I do believe that it is better to build bridges, rather than building walls, Some things have to be torn down, before one can rebuild, but just don`t encourage her to hold a grudge or any form of bitterness against him, please let her know that time and efforts (to forgive) can heal most wounds and scars.I`m not saying that she should bury it as though it never happened, because that would not help her, but put forth an effort to see if any good thing can build from past mistakes. She is only 15, thats a lot of lost years he has missed out on, so he is the loser in that respect. on the other hand 15 is still young enough to heal completely, and healing begins as soon as one starts to forgive, let her listen to his story, which probably had very little to do with her, if anything at all. then she can allow herself to heal.Prayer will help.This can be a pretty long and engaging process, the sooner you encourage her to start, the sooner the results, good or bad, (if good she will be glad), If "Bad", well at least she would know that she had tried, and thats All any of us can do. I hope and pray for healing,and the best results.
2006-09-09 12:38:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 15 she's old enough to make her own decision. I've been there myself. At this point she feels betrayed. She can't understand why her father chose not to have any contact with her, but began another family and chose to (this is the cake topper) take care and spend time with a child that's not even his. Much to his disbelief, it's not all about him and now he must reap what he has sowed. Don't pressure her on this. She has to learn forgiveness and once she forgives him, they'll began to speak again.
2006-09-09 13:30:49 · answer #3 · answered by Its Me T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first, This is something that she has to decide on her own. She is 15 and certainly after 5 years of him not seeing her more than likey has caused some resentment for he to deal with.
I would not push the issue wioth her. She will in time have to decide if and when the time is right. Dont push the issue with her. let her make up her mind on her own
2006-09-09 11:58:50 · answer #4 · answered by apostle1938 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is really up to your daughter. She's 15, so she's old enough to know what she wants. If her father was the one who cut off contact 5 years ago, that's his problem and your daughter has every right to be angry. Your daughter will decide to talk to him when she's good and ready. If you force her, she will resent both of you.
2006-09-09 11:57:31 · answer #5 · answered by badkitty1969 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i don't see why she would object to seeing her own father it would probably be very enlightening to her she could finally get those questions off her just she is most likely wanting to ask her (like y he left and y he didn't stay in contact) asking questions like these could be very helpful for both her and her father cause she could get his side of the story and put both your side and his and finally get the truth (not that I'm saying you lied to he but parents generally leave out important details to protect there children from the whole truth)
please don't take my advice as the only right answer as i am only a kid and this has not happened to me in that situation. but my parents recently divorced and i discovered the skeletons in there closets and and it brought up a lot of questions i wish i could just ask them but its a lot easier said then done.
but don't push your daughter to reconnect with her father i don't think that would really go to well un less she i completely OK with meeting him just give her a few reasons why you think she should see him again since your saying you don't object to the two of them seeing each other again
2006-09-09 12:08:13 · answer #6 · answered by thatfatkid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame your daughter for not wanting to see her father. You said that he moved away and cut contact. I would feel extremely hurt if my father stopped talking to me for 5 years, and actually went on to have 2 more children. I would feel unimportant and insignificant. That's probably how your daughter feels. If he really cared about her, he wouldn't have cut contact. If she doesn't want to see him, don't force her too. I actually agree with her decision.
2006-09-09 11:57:04 · answer #7 · answered by Nikki 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is angry, and not always do they know why they are angry. I dont think you should force her, but gently coax her and advise her to see him. It may take some time. Maybe you could suggest to him, to start writing her letters. She is at such a delicate age. She is going thru things that are unique to her. And now this. So, be extremely cautious in how you approach the matter, and be very positive, about him, if this is what you would like for her to do. Once she opens that door, he will have to mend his own fences that he broke.
2006-09-09 15:05:05 · answer #8 · answered by evanlah 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I haven't experienced it, but I can sort of understand. Her father betrayed her, at least I think that's the way she thinks about her dad. Don't force her to remain in contact with her dad. Let her do it on her own, if she wants to. She's 15, she should be allowed to make her own decision on her father.
2006-09-09 12:01:49 · answer #9 · answered by ChaiTea 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like it is all about his needs. Where the heck was he for the past five years...a*sshole! Let your daughter decide. She's too old for you to put her in a head lock and drag her there.
He has the face the consequences of his actions whether he want to or not. The day I miss by kids birthday, or any other part of thier lives...put a bullet in my head
Just my thoughts....
2006-09-09 11:59:31 · answer #10 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋