I like to be alone ,and people don't understand.?

Question

I have always been a loner , since childhood, loved to play peacefully in my room with Barbies. Now at age 49 I still like to be alone and my friends don't understand. Yes I will go out with one of them, but i will not initiate any plans for entertainment. I like to be home, watch what i want to, be on the computer. I like the silence. Yes i work , run errands , talk to neighbors, does that make me a recluse or depressed as some think i am. I will go to bookstores (alone) and spend hours, I will walk on the beach ( alone) for hours. I am not anti-social, so what am I then? And lots of times I won't answer the phone either!

But when my now grown children call, I do answer the phone and have them over or go shopping with them.

Answer 1

Your personality dictates that you need time alone. Enjoy it and don't let anyone demean you or make you feel like a freak. I'm a loner too, and would rather spend a day alone putting around with this and that than socializing over trivial things, or 'going with the flow'...borrrrrring. Perhaps you're just quite intelligent and love to observe, learn, reflect, and ponder the world. People do get put off by those of us who find resolve within ourselves, and who don't need others for that as much as they do.

As long as this isn't a sudden change in you...and you're SURE you're not depressed...as long as your solitude doesn't become an obsession to the point that you become unable to feel comfortable in social settings, you're fine. Enjoy your life.

I repeat...don't allow your solitude to become an obsession. Also....keep a bit of an open mind if some of those who think you're depressed are loved ones who know you quite well. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Me too. And yes, social other people may see us as the one's suffering from some kind of psychological problem. But the way I see it, people like us are kind of 'better'. Logically because we do not depend on others to be happy, we do not waste our time dealing with silly little problems that social people have to deal with, we have more solid ideas of our own that they can hardly attain, we have deeper thoughts.
Not that in a one-sided way but working alone in silence gives a really big creative advantage than working with other people with their own problems.
Probably the downside is, we lack manpower.
Don't feel bad.
Keep it real.

Answer 3

Omg me too! If it makes you feel good, do it! I do make the effort sometimes to go out of my comfort zone, mainly to keep my husband happy. I find when I do that its almost like people push more. It drives me fricken mad! When i make the effort its not enough and that makes me avoid doing anything. Im heaps friendly and people like me....then the 'can I have your number' bit starts, then the 'Would you like to come with us to....' starts and then my husbands friends come over and they bring their wives and kids....then I have an obligation to entertain the wives.

Why do people have to think we're hermits? I am just happier when I am alone. No pressure, no boring conversations. People who visit usually stay over for a couple of hours, if my husband has friends over I can say hi then walk away. But when they bring their wives I cant just go watch tele or duck into town.

I feel so exhausted having to come up with excuses why I can go here, or cant go there. People dont accept you saying 'I dont want to'. They look at you like your a loner and antisocial which isnt the case, it just that you like...being...alone and also being at home.

Answer 4

It's your life. Do whatever you want to do. Other people just want to make themselve happy, however if you are not, why bother?
Maybe in some cases where an obligation is needed, then don't be selfish. Just knowing where you're standing and what you have to do in this life and your purpose too.

Answer 5

You are not antisocial. You seem to be very happy with this state which leads me to believe that you are a natural introvert. Some people are born with that distinct trait and most people don't understand it. Enjoy what you enjoy, even if it's alone.

Answer 6

There's nothing wrong with that. It's not like you're a hermit and isolating yourself ALL the time. I am the same way. I will choose being at home in my room with the door shut over hanging out with friends. But, when I do hang out, I have a good time. There is nothing wrong with loving alone time more than being around people. More power to you!

Answer 7

I happen to be the same way, to a large degree. I like to be alone; I grew up an only child; never had to be "entertained." I think we just like the solitude! I don't think there's anything wrong with you. At the same time, I do also have to make myself engage in social situations b/c I DO have depression...and too much solitude makes me numb to life. As long as you don't forsake your relationships with friends and loved ones I think you're OK. Maybe you and your friends could come to a compromise--you'll do some fun things together if it is sufficiently alternated with time when they give you some space. Explain that it's not them; that this is just who you are. (Maybe they think you're rebuffing them.) Also, maybe once in awhile you can step outside your comfort zone and do something with friends that you wouldn't normally think of doing, or initiate an outing once in awhile. It's healthy and it's worth it for us to go the extra mile for those we like and love. :-)

Best wishes,
A Fellow "Loner"

Answer 8

sometimes it's great to be alone, it gives you time to think
and feel relaxed.
you're not antisocial or depressed person, you just like to be alone.
I do that all the time, and sometimes I love it just to be
left alone.
I think that just as long you see you're friends and family
a few times, and answer the phone so they know that
you're still around, you should do it.
Or talk to you're family and friends and tell them how you like to be left alone sometimes.
They will understand you that way better.

Answer 9

I understand you. I am the same way. I think that you are just a loner. You don't have to always socialize to be happy. I don't think that there is anything wrong with it.

Answer 10

You're fine.

Company is often over-rated. I relate to what you're saying very well.

Solitude is when you enjoy being alone. Loneliness is the feeling people have when they are alone and crave company.

People are people. My mother used to quote Paul as saying "The number of the fools is without limit." Don't worry about trying to get people to understand. Who will, let them understand. Who won't, forget them.