Recently divorced, two teenage kids. Serious with boyfriend for over 8 months but kids have only known him for about 3 months. I'm ready to have my boyfriend live with us and have told my kids he will not be replacing their father. They think its too soon. What do you do? I really love this guy but love my kids too.
2006-09-09 10:36:48 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The kids will do anything to keep you and the boyfriend apart as with any teenage kids. Aside from that, is there something going on that you might not know about. Talk to them and find out their aprehensions. In a few short years the kids will be gone and then you will be alone, all alone. Don't let the kids discourage you from living your life.
Some of those answers previous to mine sound like people that have never had teenagers before or are teens their self. I went through this myself three short years ago and now I am married to the man. My son acted up. He was 13 at the time. He would belch and fart a lot thinking that would chase my b/f away. It didn't happen. My son got to know him and really liked him after a while. Your kids come first over going out on dates but you have a life and needs to. Don't let your kids run your home.
2006-09-09 11:04:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 4⤋
You need to relax a little bit. They just had their lives turned upside down. They went from mom and dad to mom and ??? Were you ready to move in with him after 3 months? You know your boyfriend for 5 months longer then they have. Give it time. Parents divorcing is tramatic on some kids... no matter the age. If you and your boyfriend are "meant to be" then just give the kids time to adjust. .If you weren't meant to be then its better to not have the kids see another man come and go. Maybe talk to the kids and find out what their objections are to the new guy. Think about them and maybe get counciling for them to try and help accept the new guy. Good luck to you and your kids...
2006-09-09 11:26:14 · answer #2 · answered by Jay 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Listen to your kids. He does not need to live with you. If your kids have lived with their father up until the divorce and they are teenagers, you can wait until they are out of the house before you start moving your boyfriends in and if you think you know a man well enough to let him move in with you and your kids after 8 months, you've got some issues to work out within yourself.
2006-09-09 10:45:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I know you love this guy but your children have to come first. I am glad to hear that you asked them, now you need to listen to them. You need to think about the example you are giving your children. First you divorced from their father....not sure why but too many people do not live up to their commitment, I know that marriage is tough but people don't stick it out and really do the hard dirty work that marriage sometimes can need and take....so, you need to wait on yourself until the kids are gone at least...
2006-09-09 12:35:00 · answer #4 · answered by jewels 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have absolutely, no sense in your head at all. You have teenaged kids not babies. First, of all kids talk at school they will hear about how thier mother will let men come and live with her after a very short period of time. Not, a good idea!!! Also, what about being comfortable in your own home how is your daughter if you have a daughter how is she sorposed to relax in night gowns,shorty shorts, bra less tops just the regular things that teenaged girls wear around the house. Also, what if the boyfriend is alittle freak and one day does try something like touching your daughter. Yea, wake up my dear it happens. THINK, THINK, THINK, before you make such decisions. Your kids should come first let them get out of school and out of your house then have all the men you want to come and shack-up with you.
2006-09-09 11:51:14 · answer #5 · answered by mothers finest 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A live-in boyfriend is the person most likely to abuse your kids. Wait until they have moved out. You made these kids and tore their lives apart with the divorce. You owe them as much peace in their home as possible. Moving your boyfriend is not the answer. He will expect them to respect him - they never will. It will only cause conflict. Please don't do this.
2006-09-09 12:54:29 · answer #6 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand that you love your boyfriend a lot but right now you need to do what is right for the children. it is too soon for them to have someone else living in the house with them. give your children some time to get to know your boyfriend and reassured them that he won't take the place of their father. if you move your boyfriend in right now it will be a hardship for everyone in the house. if your boyfriend loves you he will understand about this. good luck.
2006-09-09 13:14:45 · answer #7 · answered by olive_olive_72 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok. this sounds like a really bad afterschool special or daytime drama about to unravel..
You brought your kids into the world, they are your responsibility. you need to respect their expectation of family privacy in their home, they need to feel safe at home.
You can argue that you're the adult and you make the rules..but that's incredibly unfair and selfish to your kids..
I think you're jumping the gun - shacking up after an 8 month relationship isn't a good idea, you're also on the rebound after a divorce as well?
Give it some time.
Teenagers have enough to worry about.
Be a good example to your kids. Let them get used to the idea that you eventually plan to bring a guy home..
2006-09-09 10:49:13 · answer #8 · answered by jtxn170 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I'm sorry but in this situation, my kids will have to come first until they are ready to accept and understand that I'm ready to move on with my life. Give your kids more time to know him. Understand that right now, they might still be harboring feelings of resentment because of your split from their father. So it would probably be wise to break them in more gently with this. U don't want them having to resent u later on.
2006-09-09 10:41:34 · answer #9 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Never ever put your b/f over your kids. Your kids are still dealing with your divorce, don't bring in another man. They are old enough to do math, and if they think you were seeing him before you were divorced they are going to hate him and lose respect for you.
You are the parent, have some self respect. What kind of message are you sending to your children?
2006-09-09 11:28:43 · answer #10 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋