We split up the other day because I have changed and she admitted that she loves me but wants me to make it up to her. I love her and agree that I had changed. I was always in a mood as my granny died and left me with mild depression and I have also been stressed by work. I have tried to change back to the Paul she fell in love with but want to show her I have changed, how else can I make it up to her?
2006-09-09 10:30:09 · 16 answers · asked by paulb264 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have not changed, you were Paul you still are Paul and will be Paul in the future. Everyone has many sides to their nature. We all have moods, sometimes lasting moments, sometimes days or weeks. When couple love each other and expect to go through life together they will be witness to the many changing faces of their partner, forever. You have suffered the lose of your much loved granny, it hit you hard. We don't all bounce back at the same rate from these knocks that life throws at us. You will have many more knocks to recover from as life goes on. You sound like a very caring person, you are trying very hard to get back to being " cheerful Paul" you want to make your girl friend happy. You will be your old self again soon, but are you sure you want to be with your current girl friend when you are?. It seems to me she only wants you in the good times. Maybe I am wrong maybe she is a lovely girl and you are completely in the wrong, if that is so just tell her you are sorry and ask her for a fresh start, but consider first how much support did she give you during this bad patch???, will she be supportive in the future in bad patches,???, or is it going to be like this if you are ever feeling down in the dumps and need someone to lean on and cheer you up. Either way good luck,!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-09-09 11:02:56 · answer #1 · answered by Dolly Blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should get some counseling, and let her join in on a session or two to see your progress becasue when you change it needs to be for you, and not her. She should be willing to be by your side right now, and go through this with you. The thing is she don't know how, and you don't know how to tell her to be becasue you don't know. When I say counseling I don't mean grab the phone book, and find the first doctor with license, but what I am saying is if you go to church ask your pastor, ask an older more experinced person who you can trust, and who will see both sides, and give you good advice. If not then pick up the phone book now because you can't help her help you if you don't know what help you need, and she does not understand the help you need becasue #1 she is not the one experienceing this, and #2 this is probably the first time she has had to deal with something like this.
If you want to show her that you have changed, and if you really love her spill your heart out to her. Make her understand why things are the way they are. Explain to her your insecruites and your depression, and tell her that you love her, and you want to get back to the Paul she knows, but you have to tell her that you need her help in getting back there and see what happens. If she can't handle that then she needs to go. If you can't open up to her like that then you should be ready for her to go, but if you don't bring an outsider in it's not going to work anyway becasue you need to get down to the root of what you feel, and why. You also need advice on how to deal with it for the future. She needs advice on how to stick by your side in a time of need like this one with out resenting you for it later. Good Luck.
2006-09-09 11:11:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Paul - I am really sorry to hear you have had these troubles (sympathy to you regarding your Granny). But my advice to you is that life is long and it is to be spent with someone who will support you as you would support them through the ups and downs of life.
All my friends who are in happy, long relationships are in that position because there is mutual support. That is what loving someone is about.
If you still have depression go to your doctors for advice.
You may want to think that if you get back together again, would you trust her not to walk out again when things are not perfect and she is the centre of attention?
Sorry to sound callous, but life can be short or long and should be spent with the right person.
2006-09-09 10:45:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don`t sound as if she is a very supportive person,and things do change a person,especially what has happened to you.
She sounds very insecure and wants all the attention,that you couldn`t pay to her because of this situation,and she saw you in a different light,that she isn`t use too.
You can`t be who you was ever again,as life experience does change you.
It is all part of growing up and becoming mature,deaths,fall-outs and messed up relationships.
Don`t try to hang on to what you have,move on up the ladder to a new and better life.
2006-09-09 23:25:02 · answer #4 · answered by asmoothrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont worry about it.
A man shouldn't whine and pine over any one female. It will only make her even more bold next time she wants to make you do something.
Be a man, stand up and tell her to hit the road if she won't respect you for who you are.
You seem like a good man who just had some family problems.
If she isn't your rock of Gibralter and a source of strength then you need to "next" her quickfast and find a real woman.
Best wishes.
2006-09-09 10:32:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Extra affection. Just be you. Sounds like you need to be focusing on getting yourself well first. She may need to be a little more understanding of your depression. But if you want to prove her your better, than get better and do little things for her to make her feel loved
2006-09-09 10:34:34 · answer #6 · answered by loladoreen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she should have been able to comprehend what you were going through after the death of a loved one and not give you a hard time. I also think that she is the one who has to make it up with you!
2006-09-09 10:35:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
time is the answer and if she is patient she will see, spend time doing things together that you enjoy and forget about the old you everybody goes through it.
If she loves you she will stay through thick and thin as there made be time in the future when you get down.
2006-09-12 03:19:44 · answer #8 · answered by Nic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her to shut up whining....your still grieving.....tell her if she loves you, then to lay off moaning and let you grieve in peace, you have changed because you have lost someone you loved, your girl should be more considerate about your feelings and educate herself about depression, she should be there for you no matter what, not have you make it up to her coz she's got her nickers in a twist.....
2006-09-09 10:41:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell the girl how you have felt the last few months and you want to make a go of your relationship
but most of all tell her you love her:)
2006-09-09 10:41:25 · answer #10 · answered by robert h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋