How do I get my brother in law out of my house?

Question

My husband braught his brother to live with us for 1 year, it has now been 2 years and hes still here. I cant stand him, hes stuped, anoying, and everything he does gets on my nerves. He stinks, hes skinny and ugly, he doesnt speak english after 2 years of being here. Worst of all he doesnt clean up after him self!

when I talk to my husband about it he gets all mad, and says its his brother and hes family. So I said well i'm your family, our kids are your family, and we dont want him here any more. Hes not getting it, not listening.

What should I do?

I should add hes an adult not a child. Hes 23, and he has a wife and child in his country.

the stuped brother has a job, and he sends all his money to his wife. His wife gets the money and then doesnt talk to him. persoanlly I dont blame her, as hes really gross looking.

Im fed up with this, and im thinking of leaving my husband over this.

Answer 1

You have a choice of confronting the man and tell him to leave, or you can decide that what you can not change you have to learn to live with.
Find new ways to make life enjoyable for yourself and your children.

Try and use this situation to do something positive. like going on a holiday, while he looks after the house.

Also make you husband understand that in no way will you allow the rest of his family to join him while he is living under your roof
Prevention is always better than cure.

All depends on how much you value your relationship.

Avoid becoming chronically bitter and depressed. The time you spend brooding over this unpleasant situation, is time lost forever. Nothing lasts forever.

Answer 2

This is really a tough one, as in some countries, it is virtually impossible to ask a blood relative to leave. However, your husband is not in one of those countries. Do you speak the same language as your brother in law, or is there a communication problem between you, along with all the other problems?
Does the BIL have a job? How soon is he planning to bring his wife and child to this country? Is he here legally?
Suggest to your husband that you help get him an apartment nearby. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, nor expensive, and if necessary you can help him with the finances, but simply tell your husband you can't handle the extra work he makes and that he's already stayed a year longer than he was supposed to.
If that doesn't work, or if your husband won't listen, then it's time to call in a marriage counsellor.
The only other option is for you and the kids to move to an apartment and leave the two brothers together where they are. Not a great solution, but it would solve your problem, at least in part, and would convince your husband that you were serious.

Answer 3

You do need to decide what things are worth dissolving your marriage over and what things are not worth it... or just need to be worked through.

Obviously the whole situation is pissing you off big-time. Your husband reneged on the amount of time his brother would be around; and for western cultures (where family usually means "immediate family") this would feel like an intrusion or a violation of one's sacred space by having this guy you don't like and don't want to know hang out as a member of your immediate family for so long. He's a stranger and an intruder to you.

I do know that in eastern countries (such as India), the marriages are more often arranged ones and more "business-like" than built on emotional intimacy. This is not a bad thing, just very different. It means the marriages are an "arrangement" where the husband and wife work together to keep a stable house,and if emotions develop, great.

If your husband comes from a place like that, what he is doing is not just acceptable but expected. His brother IS family, and he is expected as his brother to put him up and treat him as immediate family. I wouldn't be surprised if he totally doesn't understand what you're saying to him.

You two are truly coming from different worlds.

So, knowing that, then back to my original comment -- you need to decide what you're willing to accept for this marriage and work through, and what is simply unacceptable for you.

If you and your husband want to make the marriage work, you will need a compromise -- you need to accept that it's important for your husband to care for his brother and that it's not a slur against you and the kids that he is doing so...

...and meanwhile, he needs to coach his brother on how to live properly as a guest in your house, out of respect for you. Maybe that means a mandatory shower on a daily basis, and whatever else would help ease the irritation he has been causing you.

It sounds, though, like a lot of your disgust over your brother-in-law is actually anger towards your husband, because you feel like he's not taking you and your feelings and thus the whole marriage to you seriously. If that issue is never resolved, I'm not sure how the marriage is going to last.

Good luck, I hope things do work out for you somehow.

Answer 4

It sounds to me like your husband could be an immigrant too and his culture is different from yours. We have alot of Mexicans here who all live together in apartments and send money to their family. It is not right if they are illegal and I think the gov. is working on trying to improve that. Your husband does not see your dilemma and never will because he sees nothing wrong with it. I would talk to him and make your husband see that you do not approve of this after 2 years and ifhe doesn't leave then, you will have them both evicted after seeing an attorney.

Answer 5

Stop waiting around on your hubby to do it and do it yourself. If your husband has a problem with that, well...it's your house too and u have as much say as he does about it. There 's no reason for any inlaws to leech off of someone when they have their own jobs and can afford to get a place of their own. Your husband is NOT going to get it because to him, he's family. So what are u waiting for? Tell him to get out yourself. Your husband will just have to deal with that.

Answer 6

Since your interests are not being honored, or your kids, and I assume you'd prefer to keep the marriage instead of walking out, I'd suggest seeing a professional. If you can't afford a counselor, talk to your local priest. They can help in family situations. You might want to talk to him first by yourself to see if he will support you. Then ask your husband to go with you. Maybe the priest will get through to hubby that he is jeapodizing his marriage.

Answer 7

How self centred, to be living in your house when he has family wherever he came from. Also he could have got a job and got a place of his own. well you could tell your husband, he goes or you go, but not actually go because that would be unfair on you.
keep on at yopur husband that you want hium gone, perhaps he'll get the message.

Answer 8

Tell him to get the hell out ur-self, and ur husband dosen't like it, he can go with..... Ur husband should relize being nice is good in the beginning, but that has to come to an end if it's causing u to feel uncomfortable...... Good Luck

Answer 9

my friend you should tell your husband that he has to choose between you and his brother and see what he says, if he says his brother you have a big problem, try and tell him your going to leave see if that work, try and tell him you want to move in a house where there is enough bedrooms for your kids and one for you and your husband, if you guys cant agree on something, try talking to someone close to you and your husband.

Answer 10

i am sure you had a talk with your husband well looks you have to tell him it,s him or you let him that you want to leave you can't keep this up it's going to break you 2 up any way you don't have to pick up after him and the rest you do for that slob good luck to you