A year ago she went on a night out and did not come home until 9am the next day. I was worried sick. She spend the night at a 'blokes' house with her friend who 'pulled' the bloke. She was very drunk but was also on her period. I just cannot get it out of my head and it haunts me all the time. We broke up the other day as I have been despressed due to my Granny dying a month ago and she asked me to change a few things about myself, one of them was to trust her. How can I forget that night when she was away?
2006-09-09 07:55:58 · 30 answers · asked by paulb264 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if this was over a year ago, and you still think about it, there must be other key factors to make you think that she is untrustworthy. If there aren't then perhaps you are just being too parinoid. In a relationship, trust is really the key factor, if she says that she didn't do anything, as a trusting boyfriend in a commited relationship you should believe her. If you can't move on from this, your relationship probably can't either. If she was really drunk, it is likely she just passed out. And the fact that she told you were she was is a good sign she isn't trying to hide anything. If you really love her and you want to make it work, put it in the past, and focus on the relationship you have. If anything else suspicious arises in the future, then maybe look into it deeper. It can really strain a relationship if one part doesn't have trust, it can really hurt your girlfriend to know that you have no faith in her, especially if she hasn't done anything. I would suggest either sucking it up and letting go, or maybe moving on from the relationship for a while and see if you were really meant to be together. If you can rekindle the flame after time apart, maybe that just wont be a problem the second time around. good luck
2006-09-09 08:03:21 · answer #1 · answered by stephanie f 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I would suggest you to give her a second chance to prove that she is indeed trustworthy. Don't keep in mind what has already happened! Have a big heart and forget about whatever happened in the past and forgive her if she has done something wrong that hurt you. You know, many people knows too well how to accuse others for something they did wrong, but very few has the courage to forgive those person who did wrong! So try being among those few and give her a second chance. If after that you feel you are not happy with her just let go of her. You have your life to live and you should live it the way you like. No one has the right to force you doing whatsoever. So if you feel she wants you to change for her and that she doesn't want to make any compromise herself, then its beter to leave her. I know if you leave her, it will be difficult for you to live. Just think, you have only one life to live and if you die, god knows if you'll get another chance to enjoy all the happiness that we have here on earth. So, if you are not happy with her, leave her and go for someone with whom you'll be happy. Don't waste too much time hoping for happy days to come. You should go and look for those happy days. What is yours will be yours and what is not yours will never be, no matter how hard you try to make things work. Believe in you fate!
Good luck mate
2006-09-09 08:33:33 · answer #2 · answered by Goldenheart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's gonna be tricky. The same thing happened with me and my boyfriend, and he actually smoked and hid it from me for six whole months... by the time I found out, I was much angrier that he had lied for so long than I was about the smoking. I was angry for quite awhile but finally we had a long talk and he explained that he had started again (he had quit before we started dating) during a really stressful time, then he got re-addicted and was having a hard time quitting again. He didn't tell me because he was afraid I would break up with him. Anyway... what I'm trying to say is, sit your girlfriend down and be totally honest with her about your reasons for smoking and explain that you really don't want to smoke (if that's true of course) and that you want her help in quitting. Then, actually accept her help and don't make that mistake again!
2016-03-17 10:59:11 · answer #3 · answered by Barbara 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So she didn't do anything with this guy, but you still can't trust that she didn't. Well, that just means you never trusted her to begin with.
If you trusted her from the beginning, then when this situation came up you would have given her the benefit of the doubt and moved on with your lives. If you can't do that, then just let her go and move on with your life.
2006-09-09 08:12:42 · answer #4 · answered by my_lil_buttercups 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your Granny passing. That is tough in itself, especially if you were close to her.
The girlfriend sounds like she's rather insensitive and intolerant. But if your behavior that preceded Granny's demise was suspicious and un-trusting, it's probably for the best, for both of you, that you broke up. It sounds like you never got over the 9:00 A.M. incident and like you've stated, "I have lost trust in my girlfriend." Without trust what is a relationship? It's like a close acquaintance that you can't trust...hmmm. It makes no sense at all that you would want to keep dating a person who you could not trust. Do you think that makes sense? Sure you got in the habit of having this woman in your life, as you most probably have with other women, but trust is the foundation for intimacy. So how could you have an intimate (and I don't mean just physical) relationship without trust?
Of course there is the fact that often jealousy is an unhealthy method to attempt to control another person. Search your heart. Why couldn't you forgive her? Might you have been trying to control her? Does that 9:00 A.M. incident trigger something from your past? Or some issue from your upbringing? Would your father use control over your mom? Healthy relationships do not require any "control" over the other person. Healthy relationships have unshakable trust and intimacy. But even then there are people who stray to another person, so it's not like dating is any exact science. You just do the best you can and move on until you find the right combination of two human beings.
It sounds like you're processing the information about the relationship. Which is GREAT! So few people do that and it is crucial for a person to reflect and examine so they can move on to their next relationship. You take the time to HONESTLY assess what you did to affect the breakup and figure out how you can do better in your next relationship. And it's really difficult to resurrect an old relationship that was unhealthy in the first place. You can do better with another person, believe it or not.
In your assessment of your behavior I'm going to suggest reading about co-dependency. Melody Beattie's books are my favorite resources to define what is co-dependency. You'd be totally surprised how much your paragraph above is filled with co-dependent phrases. Yeah, you probably don't want to admit to having this problem, but once the problem is identified, your impulses will be easier to detect when this sort of behavior comes peeking out. You will know yourself better and make better choices for yourself.
When my Grandma passed, I was happy she was out of her pain. She has joined me on my left shoulder and is always there for me to have her reassurance. I'm sure your Granny is there for you as well.
Take some time to heal from all this loss. Do some reading, learn from the past, make peace with yourself, connect with Granny on another level and move on with your life. It's going to be exciting as you move forward!
Good luck to you.
Peace.
2006-09-09 09:17:26 · answer #5 · answered by Polly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is a hard thing to do
did you have reason to not trust before that night and had she ever lied to you before that night
if the answer is no then you havent got nothing to worry about really
you need to sit down with her and speak to each other about how your feeling
if you don't feel like you will be able to trust her again then the relationship won't work and it will be better to walk away from it
2006-09-09 08:00:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand thet you lost trust in your girlfriend. You have to decide whether you are going to punish her and yourself for the rest of your lives or move on. Yes, she was wrong but have you never made a mistake.
Get it out of your mind and move on .
2006-09-09 08:23:26 · answer #7 · answered by robsnor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like this.......One night while at a party my wife disappeared. In the house upstairs, she was in the room with guy and they were getting it on. I opened the door and caught him banging her from behind.
I closed the door nicely and for 15 years I never said a word about it, I kept it inside.
In the year 2003, she argued with me over some stupid stuff and wanted a divorce.
It was that day, I told her "by the way, you rememebr that party along time ago at Steve's house and you were up stairs making love because you thought I went on a Beer run with the guys?"
She broke out crying.
We are now officially divrced, but not because what she did, because she is a selffish btch and now she wanst back in my life. read my question for your self.
2006-09-09 08:12:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sad to say, but you'll always have that memory kept with you. That's just how it goes I guess, you move on and you keep the memories. You should forgive her from your heart, but you can't really forget. You should move on with your life, I don't think she can be trusted, but who am I to say, she could've called you that night and tell you about her where abouts right? Sorry about your granny.
2006-09-09 08:05:15 · answer #9 · answered by LilSo1287 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You think to much, You could end up being a woman beater if you are not careful. get another girl friend or go mad. You have to give your girl space and trust, if you don't you just as well not bother
2006-09-09 08:04:25 · answer #10 · answered by thecharleslloyd 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋