Which one do you like better? Please also give suggestions to improve. Thanks!
1.“In each family a story is playing itself out, and each family's story embodies its hope and despair.” “The scarlet Ibis” is a story of pride and regret by James Hurst. It is a story of how two young brothers undertake a challenge. Many negligent decisions were made. Every decision you make in life affects you and others.
2.“It lay on the earth like a broken vase of red flowers, and even death could not mar its beauty." What is it?" Doodle asked. "It's a scarlet ibis," Daddy said.” “The scarlet Ibis” is a story of pride and regret by James Hurst. It is a story of how two young brothers undertake a challenge. Many negligent decisions were made. Every decision you make in life affects you and others.
2006-09-09 07:48:10 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
I prefer the second. But! A couple of suggestions. Attribute the quotation at the beginning - use a footnote or end note and indicate the page number. Also, you need to use quotes within quotes. I know you can't do it on Yahoo Answers, but you should underline the book title - don't use quotation marks. Lastly, your last two sentences need a little work too. You need to make sure it's clear that you're referring to the events and themes of the book. Here's what I recommend:
"It lay on the earth like a broken vase of red flowers, and even death could not mar its beauty. 'What is it?' Doodle asked. 'It's a scarlet ibis,' Daddy said." (Hurst, p. 23). The Scarlett Ibis is a story of pride and regret by James Hurst. It is a story of how two young brothers undertake a challenge. In the story, many negligent decisions are made. Hurst seems to be saying that every decision you make in life affects not only you, but the people around you as well.
2006-09-09 08:00:47 · answer #1 · answered by dark_phoenix 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Neither is good. What are you writing about?? THE SCARLET IBIS, or how decisions one makes in life affect you and others? You have mixed the two ideas in the same paragraph confusing the reader who will have NO idea as to where you will be going with your essay. OR, is this a book report? Confusing to say the least for an introductory paragraph because one cannot figure out what you are introducing.
Chow!!
2006-09-09 09:39:12 · answer #2 · answered by No one 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lost the passive voice in "negligent decisions were made"
Strong writing uses the active: "[so and so] made negligent decisions." Especially important in an intro.
2006-09-09 08:03:09 · answer #3 · answered by Luki 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Truly number two. Perfect segway into the introduction of the story
2006-09-09 07:55:08 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
5, the 1st states your significant techniques, the subsequent 3 provide help, the final supplies a precis of what you went over interior the 1st 4. Thats particularly plenty stanard via maximum grades.
2016-12-18 07:34:02 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 2nd one.
2006-09-09 07:53:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the second one.
2006-09-09 07:56:47 · answer #7 · answered by Violet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree, the second one draws you in.
2006-09-09 07:52:39 · answer #8 · answered by Joanna C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The second as it captures your interest!
2006-09-09 07:50:28 · answer #9 · answered by eugene65ca 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋