Can you help me deal with a juvenille issue?

Question

I am not a "kids'" person. I will be the first one to admit that.

At the place I will be moving in to, I will have a roommate with a two year old son.

What advice do you have to keep me from overstepping my boundaries? Or screaming my head off?!

I am worried about her son coming into my room unannounced, or my saying something inappropriate, or stepping on one of his toys and busting it, or THE NOISE! . . . along with any number of other things. HELP!!!

I am moving in there b/c it is part of a program run by Faith Homes. It beats the homelessness I've been suffering through!

Answer 1

Get ear plugs and/or those large headphones to muffle the noise.

But, I think you should try to warm up to the kid so you don't offend your new roommate by like running away and/or ignoring her kid.

Actually, I think you should talk to your new roommate about this stuff. Tell her that you haven't been around little kids and I'm sure she'll answer your questions better than we can.

But make it seem like you're really clueless instead of you only asking because you don't want to be annoyed by her son.

Answer 2

A two year old is going to test your nerves, but you'll also probably change your tune on not being a kids person. At two, they love to say NO. And they love to test their boundaries. When you feel like you can take no more, leave the room and lock yourself in your bedroom. But never ever ever, discipline the child. That would be overstepping the boundaries. You're going to have to play narc with him or her basically. When he does something, tell the mother and let her handle it. It's not your place. And if mom isn't doing what you feel like she should be, move. But keep in mind, for all the bad things they do, they're great for hugs and kisses and colored pictures and can be just as sweet. Best of luck!

Answer 3

First of all when you are ready to snap just remember that he is only 2. He doesn't know any better. Second try to explain it yourself to him that your room is private and that you don't want him going in without YOUR permission, and (but mommy said its OK) should be taken up with mommy. Just in case though get a hook for your door that locks on the inside and place anything you don't want him touching on a high shelf. And finally you cant overstep your boundaries too much. He does something bad or is about to tell him that you will tell his parent. Stick to it too otherwise he will know you're a sucker. Common sense always works too like stop him from doing something that will end up hurting himself. But you should lay the ground rules about toys and stuff with your roommate. OH and that's a big thing you're the roommate NOT the nanny

Answer 4

Would you be someone who tends to allow a situation to build up and then when you're "up to here" (draws finger across neck), shouts your head off? If so, perhaps the phrase "a stitch in time saves nine" applies? I am imagining that the earlier you can notice that you are beginning to feel overwhelmed, or irritated, or wound up, or whatever separating feeling it may be, the easier it may be for you to ask your roommate for your needs.

Have you met this room mate yet? Do you know how she is at hearing you? I'm thinking that at one extreme there are those for whom the 2 year old can do what he likes and anyone who questions it is a bastard. At the other extreme are those who love others and want to respect their roommate and are happy to talk and negotiate agreements and also see setting boundaries on their son that are pro-social as part of good parenting.

And at the same time, is it impossible for you to begin to save for the deposit that you will, I imagine, need if you are ever to find a flatshare or a roomshare of your own choosing, rather than chosen by the homeless agency??

Answer 5

First calm down. It probably won't be as bad as your fears are making it seem (unless the kid is a holy terror, but you don't say that).

Kids that age can be really fun to be around, though they also have their moments, since they are just becoming able to walk around and do more things, but their language isn't very well-developed yet -- they get frustrated and they are testing their new abilities and freedoms.

Yes, get a lock for the door, if it doesn't have one.

When the noise gets too much, go in your room or go for a walk or a cup of coffee or something.

Do talk to the mother right away, and put it in terms of your not being used to kids -- she'll understand that, and it isn't a criticism of her or her child.

But do try to make a friend of him -- it will make things better in the household and will be fun for you. I think kids that age are a lot of fun (as long as I'm not the parent). They learn and grow every day.

Answer 6

First of alll why would you accept this roomate moving in if this is how you feel about children? You need to talk to this childs parent and tell her or him about your issues concering what you just mentioned. Then keep in mind that like anyother relationship that involves children, you do have boundaries which you should not cross such as; never trying to discipline the child yourself, much less hit the child. When ever something bothers you don't try to handle the situation yourself, you will need to tell the parent about it. Most importantly, remain aware that this is a two year old and the kid is still a child. You cannot expect him or her to think the way you do. He is probably as scared of you as you are of him. Try to relax, you might enjoy having the kid around. =)

Answer 7

Make sure your new roomate knows that you are not going to be a designated babysitter for one! Let her know that you are not much of a kid person.

Also try and get to know the kid a little bit. Play a little game of anything. Start alteast a little bit of a bond with the kid, even if it is a minor attempt just to show your new roomate that it can work out. Otherwise I would suggest you not move in there because she is going to put her two yr old above you no matter what right or wrong because it is her kid.

Also try and lighten up kids can be alot of fun especially when they are not yours LOL Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 8

First sit down with your soon to be roomie and discuss your concerns. Find out from her what is and isn't acceptable from you concerning her child.
Second you can put a lock on your door and use it. This will negate the fear of him just walking into your room.
As for toys etc, if "Mom" doesn't keep them picked up mostly then you can't be blamed if accidents happen. Toys get broke- fact of life. A kid will get on your nerves- also fact- retreat is the better part of screaming your head off. Go in your room and drown him/her out with music, TV, etc
Lastly, if it is too much, give notice and move..

Answer 9

I would think twice about the move or lay down the ground rules to her and her child before you room together.

Answer 10

Be smart and DON'T MOVE IN... it sounds like trouble to me