In-laws won't offer to help around the house - they pay little to nothing for rent. They moved in to "pay off credit card debt" but now are taking advantage of us. Husband has to be told to speak up or else it won't get done. I feel it is my husband's place to stand up and take charge since it is his father that lives with us and because he is the man of the house. I'm pulling my hair out and want to leave. Am I wrong for wanting out? I feel that I always take care of everything and that my husband has to be told - like a little boy. I need advice on how to handle this! Should I get a divorce and start over? I'm 33, no children. We've talked about this issue until I am blue in the face and nothing ever gets resolved! We've been together (meaning us and his family) for almost 10 years! What should I do?
2006-09-09 07:33:04 · 17 answers · asked by LULU 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Divorce while your still young! He has broken his vow to "leave his parents and cleave to your wife, and the two shall become one" he is not one with you. LEAVE and take half the house!
2006-09-09 07:37:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YUK! It is time for them to go. If you need an out or an excuse...(this only works if you want children) get pregnant and they will have to leave because you need your entire home to raise a family. Are they allergic to dogs/cats Adopt two dogs and three cats! Or sell the house and move....to a place that will not be conducive to their living with you. Maybe they will buy the house? You can always leave your husband and give him an ultimatum but you want to make it easier on him to throw his dad out. You want your husband to win. You want your husband to choose you..not his dad...and that is a delicate thing. Has your husband been dreaming about a motorcycle or other hobby? Offer to make some huge sacrifices so that he can have his dream but the upshot is: the in-laws have to go. Go to counseling.....bring husband with you. Work out a plan or at least a time frame. Good luck.
2006-09-09 07:43:19 · answer #2 · answered by miatalise12560 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time to deliver the ultimatum. Move your accounts to your name put your stuff in order then give them 30 days to leave or you do. And by the way. This may be the first time I've ever said this but cut him off. While the 30 days is ticking he needs to be aware what his life will be like when you are gone. If this does not work you will be prepared to deliver the papers and start anew without the Mommy's boy. I'm assuming you would like a child of your own as opposed to marrying one.
2006-09-09 08:15:17 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am the husband. I did finally talk to my father and he is leaving. This, I know, by no means was done in a timely manner. I understand that. It has just been hard for me to take a stand against my father. These are after all your parents. Since my mother has passed away I have felt kind of responsible for my father, and I know that is no excuse for my wife and not to have the life togther that we so deeply deserve. Honey, I am sorry that I allowed it to come to this! All I want is for us to be happy. Now, we finally have the opportunity to take our happiness somewhere else and be free of life like we have know it for the past almost 10 years. Buy the way for everyone's information, I was talking to my father about this very thing this morning and early this afternoon before this post was made. I made it clear to my wife that I was going to talk to him today. In all honesty, she had already given me the ultamatium speech and I did take it to heart.
2006-09-09 08:51:10 · answer #4 · answered by smycoach2002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG! You poor woman, You must have some serious patients! I would have left him after the in-laws had been there six months. He clearly does not care for you or how you feel. So why waste your time. Get out while you are young, and meet someone who will care how you feel! Someone like me! I wish you the best, but be smart about it! You have a lot of equity built up in your home and you are entitled to half. That could mean a good fresh start for ya!
2006-09-09 08:44:43 · answer #5 · answered by Adam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why have you been talking about it for 8 years?? Shouldn't have that talked ended about 7 1/2 years ago?? If you have decided to stick around this long--then why leave now?? Leave the idiot..he obviously doesn't care about you. Because if he did--he would have respected you and had his family move out-- So now you know--what are you going to do?? put up with it for another 8 years or move on--i hope you move on--especially since there are no kids involved and you have your life still ahead of you--move on--and good luck!!
2006-09-09 07:40:29 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! You and your husband basically have never had any time alone to even be a couple. Obviously this has to stop, and should have a long time ago. You are going to have to give your husband a deadline to give his father the news. I suggest that you are present to be certain that his father is told he has to go! If your husband refuses to do this, you are going to have to leave him. You cannot threaten, and you have to have your plan in place as to where you are going to go, but you need to stick to what you say (like dealing with a child who misbehaves). It does not have to mean divorce. Hopefully your husband comes to his senses and deals with his families selfishness. I don't know how you have put up with this for this long.
2006-09-09 07:57:37 · answer #7 · answered by kandekizzez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When a married person puts anything ahead of the marriage, they are being unfaithful. Since hubby doesn't have the balls to stick up for himself, it doesn't somehow translate into your being obligated to put up with nonsense. I suggest that you give hubby an ultimatium. They leave, or you leave. A month is plenty of time. Hubby can stay attached to Mommie's skirt, but that doesn't mean that you should put up with it. 10 years is at least 9 years too long. End the farce. You'd be better off alone. Now, be prepared for recriminations. Ignore them. Stick to the ultimatium.
2006-09-09 08:21:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband won't speak up then perhaps u should. Remember it's your house too, not just your husband's and u have as much right as your husband to have your say in it. I know it's your husband's parent/s but he won't speak up for fear of hurting their feelings but if your inlaws can afford to have a place of their own, there's no reason they should be leeching off of you. If your husband won't stand up for the both of u, do it yourself instead. Afterall, someone's got to do it.
2006-09-09 08:02:15 · answer #9 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow you in-law living with you for eight years how you put up with it? sound like your husband is a real wimp. Luck you don't have any kids your young get out. Don't listen to him baby I promise I do this and that. Because he hasn't done it for the past eight years and he not going to now. He sound like mommy boy. Get yourself out. You have nothing to feel guilty about in fact you been very patience with both him and his parents for the past eight years. I think he took you for granted for years now it time to live your life for yourself. I must hand it to you been like I said before putting up with this for years. Please get out never mind his false promise baby I tell them next week. Deep down I think you know he not going to change or say anything to them. It look like he put them before his own wife. What a wimp he is.
2006-09-09 07:44:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋