I've been trying to get some feedback but my parents aren't any help on this. They mean well, but they can't seem to provide a good opinion. They just say its good every time.
(Verse 1)
Every time I look into the rear view mirror,
My memories get clearer and clearer,
And I’m tired of holding on to things of the past
(Verse 2)
I hate how I’m reminded what I used to be and
What had happened, and what was wrong with me and
How even now, I’m failing and falling fast
(Bridge 1)
Time to rewrite my life story
Time to start my road to glory
And I know it’ll be ok as long as I have you
Want to get my voice out there and
Fly across the sea and the land
Don’t want to waste a moment thinking “there’s no hope”
(Chorus not included)
Thanks everyone!
2006-09-09 06:29:41 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Music
Pretty good song.
Verse two:
I hate how I’m reminded what I used to be and
What had happened, and what was wrong with me and
How even now, I’m failing and falling fast
The "ands" jump out at me too much unless you are emphasizing the word itself.
I think maybe you can drop the ands or use a different phrasing to keep the cadence.
Luck!
2006-09-09 06:38:03 · answer #1 · answered by wrathofkublakhan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You show some promise.
May I offer a few suggestions?
For one, verses 1 and 2 are good as the chorus, but you need a stronger theme for the whole song.
The first two lines of Bridge 1 are fine, but then you quit. The words started to become random rather than telling a coherent story.
However, many great songs are somewhat random in nature, so you may be on to something good.
Additionally, in many great songs, the lyrics paint a picture that can be interpreted in several different ways. For example, a horse with no name, Lucy in the sky with diamonds, American pie.
If you want to write a great song, put some mystery and randomness into it.
Additionally, you need to think of the number of syllables in each line so that the song can flow naturally when it is set to music.
2006-09-09 13:48:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Very good except the portion, "And I know it’ll be ok as long as I have you." It throws you off from the message of the song. You talk the past, etc...then suddenly you mention someone only once and never return to that moment again. Just my two cents.
2006-09-09 13:47:17 · answer #3 · answered by B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't take this personally but I think it's horrible.... Unless you are 12 or younger... No worries though... Just keep trying
2006-09-09 13:56:46 · answer #4 · answered by jimmy h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. Nice job!
2006-09-09 13:35:59 · answer #5 · answered by starting over 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THAT IS GOOD I LIKE IT MABE U WILL GET A DEAL WITH SOMEONE ONCE U FIGURE OUT HOW IT WILL BE ALL TOGETHER BUT I LIKE WAT U HAVE THERE WELL HOPE I HELPED
2006-09-09 13:37:06 · answer #6 · answered by loganlovesgod 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
prety good.Hope u make it big some time.
2006-09-09 13:33:02 · answer #7 · answered by COMICBOOKFANATIC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think their pretty good just my opinoin
2006-09-09 13:34:01 · answer #8 · answered by rAwR♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not bad, pretty good , actually
2006-09-09 13:35:18 · answer #9 · answered by hippiechick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats gd...!
2006-09-09 13:37:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋