why does my lovely daughter keep going back to her abusive boyfriend. im scared he,ll kill her one day. he takes all her money off her. and hits her.yet she says she loves him can some one explain why ?
2006-09-09 06:06:51 · 25 answers · asked by grumpcookie 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
by the way she comes from a loving home. and its not something shes had to grow up with.
2006-09-09 06:25:17 · update #1
Somewhere in the relationship is the unspoken attraction. Some women are just attracted to specific things. Maybe he has the looks and personality that she wants. Maybe she dosen't think she can do better. A lot of people didn't grow up in loving homes, and don't know what a good relationship is like, they just are attracted to something superficial, and don't let go of it. Maybe she believes she deservies the abuse. There is a difference between the woman who just gets abused because she's there, and a woman who agreeed to do something for/with her significant other, didn't do it, and gets abused. The latter will think she deserves it. This is one thing abusers prey on, poor selfesteem that's easy to convice it's their fault. They think they deserve the abuse.
2006-09-09 06:15:34 · answer #1 · answered by mt_hopper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear that my dear, how awful for you ( and for your daughter ) !
Why ? I don't think anyone can truly answer that question, I only wish that someone could give you the " real " reason, but no matter how hard we all try, we would all get it wrong !
She might be quite young, and if he is her first love then she's NOT going to listen to you, or to anyone . The only thing I can suggest to you ( and this pains me as I am a mother too, and I would hate to be in your situation ) is to just sit tight, keep an eye on things and just try a little gentle persuasion every time he gets abusive !
It must be so hard to sit back and watch your daughter suffering like that, most people would want to kill him, but any action taken against him, will push your daughter further away from you, and then you will not be there to watch, and pick up the pieces when she needs you .
You have tried ( I'm sure ) to show her what he's really like, but as she can't see it all you can do for now is just be there !
Don't take any action, she will see him for what he's really like eventually I promise ! Women in abusive relationships do leave in the end .
I only wish I could give you an explanation, but there really isn't one . Be strong, and be there . I do feel for you, and I wish you and your daughter all the best .
2006-09-09 13:28:50 · answer #2 · answered by Paris69 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some women do stay with their abusive partners through fear of not meeting any one else or scared of being alone, it depends what this coward has made her believe when he is verbally abusing her too, he needs to be dealt with, put him up against a man, i bet his attitude changes in seconds...any man who hits a woman is a low life coward
a guy hit me one time, and it was the sorriest thing he ever did...i broke my knuckle...oh yes...and his nose, so heres one woman that did and will hit back if ti ever happened again...fortunately that's the first and last time i have been hit by a man, but he wont forget me, because each time he looks in that mirror, his bent nose will be a reminder.... the man i have now is wonderful
but in seriousness, she should get away, you love your daughter but theres only a certain amount you can do to help her, he promises that he'll (never do it again) and your daughter believes him, he takes her money from her because he is scared that she'll take off, also he's to cowardly to try it on a guy, do you have a son who's older than your daughter, i am sure he'll be helpful if your daughters partner hurts her again....try talk some sense into her....
2006-09-09 13:32:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
abused women are usually women with low self esteem. only dogs come back and lick the boots of the foot that kicked them.
in most cases the man has the woman convinced that no other man would have her. that she is stupid, ugly and useless. i'm sure he begs and tells her he will never do it again after each episode. i would take her to a battered women's shelter and let her talk to some of the women there. they will tell her how it only gets worse. she wasn't always in love with this guy. just as she found him she can find another. you may even want to introduce her to one or two. My daughter had a similar relationship. i went to his house and had a talk with him. i told him that he needed to take real good care of my child and watch over her. i told him that if anything happened to her i would hold him responsible. if she tripped on a rug and fell, if she ran into a door, if a piano suddenly fell out of the sky on her, i was going to blame him. i would not go to the police and file charges. i would simple come to where ever he was and kill him. he never hit her again and they later divorced.
2006-09-09 13:30:09 · answer #4 · answered by handyman5218 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There could be a number of reasons she stays with him. He might be brainwashing her into staying with him or she could even be afraid to leave him. He has probably threatened her in some way. I was in an abusive relationship for a long time and he made me believe that no one else would ever want me. He had a way of making me believe he loved me. But I got tired of the abuse and thanks to my family and friends, I had the strength to leave him. Be there for your daughter and let her know that she doesn't need that guy. You cannot abuse some one and love them at the same time. It just doesn't work like that.
2006-09-09 13:24:20 · answer #5 · answered by Karma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does she have a caring father? Where the hell is he? I'd shoot any sucker that put their hand on my precious gift from God. Believe me he wouldn't be wiping with the same hand again if he hit one of mine no matter what age she or he was. Where is Ur babies self pride, self worth? Did u allow Ur self to be abused when she was growing up and did she see that abuse and think it was permissible to be abused by a low life. Does she think that it's okay to be hit by any man. Get her some help or get her father or older brother to teach that abusive SOB a lesson in learning that women r for loving not hurting.
2006-09-09 13:17:40 · answer #6 · answered by papabeartex 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in an abusive relationship for 11 years.My husband beat me,stapled my feet,held an ax over my head while he made me have sex with him { in a way I would not let him} pushed me out a moving car and made me have a miscarrage at 7 months.The only reason I stayed was because he always threatened to kill my family or me if I left.I was afraid.When you are in that type of a relationship,they control you and your thoughts.They get inside your head and you are no longer yourself.Get your daughter out of there.It is not going to get any better.She thinks that she loves him.It's the control that he has over her that makes her think she loves him.She is afraid of him.
Have her e-mail me.I have hundreds of stories of how my abusive husband showed his love for me.My best friend took him away from me.Ithank your every time I see her.He is doing her the same way.
2006-09-09 13:19:07 · answer #7 · answered by babydoll d 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you report this guy it could back-fire by your daughter hating you for it, however, you need to do something. Maybe some tough rough family members could accidentally hurt the guy to the point of near death?? Where the hell is her father and why isn't he getting his daughter the **** away from the bastard. Give him to me for a couple hours
2006-09-09 20:09:55 · answer #8 · answered by carl_marriott 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is one of lifes reccurring unanswerable questions.
why does she keep going back,well she probably does or at least thinks she loves him,it may also be a bit of im not going to fail at this relationship,a lack of self confidence and a feeling of worthlessness which could be down to her partner.
every one can see physicall abuse because of bruises etc,but generally where theres physical abuse there is normally mental abuse also,which can be far more long lasting with devasting effects.
mike
2006-09-09 13:18:23 · answer #9 · answered by listener06y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call the cops and put that bastard in jail. If this was the Old Testament times we'd take him out of town and stone him to death. Get her away from him now. You can control who she's with or not with believe it or not. It doesn't matter how old or young she is she doesn't deserve to be his piece of meat to beat up on. He needs to be taught a lesson on what's proper treatment of others and what is not. Kick is butt while you're at it.
2006-09-09 13:14:10 · answer #10 · answered by dave_83501 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋