My husband and I are the same way.We are totally different from one another. But that's what attracted me to him in the first place.I am such a serious, down to earth person,and he's a goofy,spontaneous person.When we first started dating,he wanted to party a lot,and I would go with him,not only to be with him,but because I'd never really done that before.After we got married,he wanted to continue drinking and partying,which was fine for a while,but he was doing the same as your hubby.He wasn't looking to the future,and was going from job to job and not being very responsible.As time went on and he wasn't changing,I was starting to get really fed up with it,and even considered divorce.I'm the kind of person who always tries to see both sides of a situation. We married young,and I knew that he was just having a hard time adjusting to married life versus a single life.I finally just sat him down and told him how I felt,that I didn't mind him having his fun at times,but that he really needed to figure out what he really wanted in life the most,our marriage or his freedom again.That really made him think,and I'm happy to say,he chose a married life with me.We've been married 20 years now,and he still occasionally goes out with friends,and that's okay.A married couple needs time apart once in a while.
What I'm trying to say is don't give up now,lissy. You've only been married for a year and a half. Let him know how you feel. Tell him you want to spend more time with him,doing things you both enjoy.Tell him that if he wants the marriage to work,he needs to spend a little more time working on it with you,and not away from you .Men don't mature emotionally as quickly as women do,and if you want this to work,there has to be a compromise that you both can live with.
2006-09-09 04:35:04
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answer #1
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answered by ? 6
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Not all married people have found their soul mate in their partner. That doesn't mean the marriage can't work though. Just so you know, some men never grow up. If you love him, you must learn to accept things about him that you don't necissarily agree with. He probably has some complaints about you too. It's okay that he likes to party, but he really should reconsider staying home with the family he has now. That's what happens when you get married, you give up part of your social life and get to know your mate inside and out, then, you go out and party together (not ALL the time). Sit down and talk with him about ya'll's future...it's not just his now, you both have to look into saving money, budgets, etc. It's not two seperate incomes anymore, they're combined, and you'd like some sense of stability when it comes to your future. It's a good thing that you have such different tastes, just as long as you're both open minded, you can learn a lot from each other! About him staying out until 7am, this would have to stop. I'd want my hubby in the bed with me every night, not out acting like he's single....that life stops when you tie the knot. You just really need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him about how you feel, as his feelings should matter to you too. Good luck in love and life!
2006-09-09 04:05:30
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answer #2
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answered by Shining Ray of Light 5
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I was in exactly the same situation many years ago. You are not a wife but a substitute mum. You must try to step out of the box and think what you would advise a friend in the same situation. Unfortunately it took me a long time to do that and I must be a slow learner because it took me 16 unhappy years before I divorced him. As women we try to lead by example but the nicer you are and show how you would like things to be the more he just drains you of your good intentions. Eventually you will loose any respect you have for him and then the love dies. Sad but true. Unless you want to be in the same situation in 5 or even 10 years from now, with kids and debts making things even worse - you should think seriously about ending the relationship now. It may be painful now but you will look back with relief that you escaped in time before he drags you down with him. He will not change. You are not the cause or the solution to other people's problems. Best of Luck.
2006-09-09 03:58:23
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answer #3
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answered by katelondon_uk 1
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Sounds like me and my man. My man does have a job though. We are really very opposite people as well. I think some men never grow up and im not sure how old you both are so i really cant judge. But we try our best with eachother doing the things one another likes doing. But the drinking thing i have to agree on is bullshit. I get the same thing now and again except my man stays home and drinks. He doesnt go to any bars unless im with him. All i can tell you is to stick it out with him as long as you feel like you are happy. When you get really sick of the stuff he is doing you will leave him. People can only take soo much from thier spouses sometimes. If hes not the one for you,then find someone who will respect you and love you for real.
2006-09-09 03:53:10
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answer #4
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answered by michelle 5
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many young men ,go out like that ,for reasons that only they really know.partly i think it is to prove to his friends that marriage has not changed him , and that he is in control. the problem is ,that deep down he knows that he has given the reins to someone else, but he still wants to choose the course.
i don't think it makes him immature or bad,as in a few years he can have outgrown it, and then may be the dream hubby. he obvioulsy hasn't got it out of his system ,and i think if he does now ,he is less likely to be a party animal later. on the other habd i do think that he should have spoken to you before marriage of how these things would work.
try and see if you can make an ultimatum with him, where he only goes say on a friday after a long hard week of work. trying to deny him altogether is not going to get you anywhere.
by all means youshould get on with your life and ambitions,and when you are getting somewhere with your goals, you will know if it is time to kick him to the curb. you need to decide what you want from life, from marriage and then see if it is going to happen.i have had many young friends with the same problems,and depending on their relationship ,they are able to work it out or eventually get divorced.
all of us answering you, do not really know how you are as a couple or why he behaves like that, so it will have to be something you think more about. good luck , you obviously want it all, and there's nothing wrong with that!
2006-09-09 04:13:12
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answer #5
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answered by saywot? 5
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I think that you maybe should have spent more time with this man before you married him, but myself and my partner dont have that much in common, we argue and I dont believe that he could be my soulmate, but I love him like mad and would still marry him tomorrow. People who have found their soulmate and get to marry them are lucky and rare indeed. So, focus on what you love about this man, he may not be your soulmate but he is your husband and I can tell that you love him, so you need to find some common ground and develop some interests together. As for the staying out til whatever time and not planning a future, I would find that very annoying, but men mature later than women and he wil come to think of these things in his own time. Just be patient and good luck xx
2006-09-09 03:56:54
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answer #6
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answered by Kelly D 4
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It's not up to us it's up to you. Obviously you feel that there is something wrong or you wouldn't be asking about it. One thing about marriage is that the two people are supposed to grow and learn together. If you grow apart then you grow apart.
Have you tried talking to him about how you are feeling? If he immediatly gets on the defensive then there is a little bit of hope because he already knows he is screwed up and he is probably just lazy. If it has never crossed his mind and you have to start to make him think about how he will succeed in life then you have huge problems.
Tell him that he needs to get his $hit together or you done with him. If he doesn't make it a point to kick things into gear then he doesn't have enough respect for you or your wants and needs and then you should drop him like a bad habit.
2006-09-09 03:53:48
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answer #7
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answered by ThePlayboy0 2
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Well you have two things you could do...
1- Get a divorce and only take him back when you think that he is mature enough. You shouldn't be in a relationship that is annoying you, or that you think that the guy needs some more growing up. Marriage is a serious position, and when two people get marry it is because they are in love and are serious about their love.
2-Get use to it. You're either going to do one or the two. And if you you choose two then you just have to find a way to adjust to his actions. Remember that no one is perfect, but if you can't deal with his antics then do number 1.
2006-09-09 03:51:03
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answer #8
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answered by pudgie39759 2
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Sounds like you jumped into marrying the guy without finding out all of his bad habits. Believe me, you cannot change him. The only thing you can do if you truly love him and want it to work out is to talk to him about some of the issues and feelings you are having about his behavior. Women tend to be more mature about some things and sometimes it takes a really strong woman to lead the relationship. Good luck!
2006-09-09 03:50:17
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answer #9
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answered by swtz69drmz 5
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I feel for ya, I have a friend in exactly the same situation, asking the exact same question. They have been together for 5 years and married for one but she has done all the fighing for there marrige. The advice I gave her was to stop figting, she's worn herself out trying to keep a marrige that he obviously dosen't want. If she and you continue to fight, you'll only ware yourself out and the end result will be the same. If you have not tried marrige counciling the give that a shot before you throw away your marrige, it might help. I wish you luck and hope that you will find the best answer with time.
2006-09-09 03:57:01
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answer #10
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answered by honest guy 4
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