I have 2 kids from my ex husband 13 and 11(one child from my husband of 9 yrs.age 3).Yesterday I called my ex after 2 yrs when I was given a # from a friend.I did call because I didn't want them to feel I'm keeping them from him.He never paid child support or "ever"helped out with them.Keeps phone and bills in others names.When I wanted him to see them he would stand them up with lame excuses why he didn't come.Sometimes wouldn't call or show up.He use to sell drugs and been in and out of jail for having drugs on him to sell.Did 1yr for identity theft.When I called he said he even hired a private investigator to look for us.That gave me the creeps.I wasn't trying to keep them from him just got tired of them being hurt.I was suppose to call him back today to speak to the kids.I was surprised that they said no they don't want to call him.Should I call him and tell him that?Even though he will say I'm a liar and curse at me for it or should I just not call at all?
2006-09-09 03:09:09 · 12 answers · asked by redanimalmuppet 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
P.S I didn't give him my number wanted to see what everyone thought first.
2006-09-09 03:35:32 · update #1
Also we have been divorced 10yrs since they were 3 and 1.The children haven't seen him in 2yrs.
2006-09-09 03:39:24 · update #2
No don't call him, the kids said that they didn't want to talk to him so leave it go at that. why should you waste your dime to get cursed at..
If he really wants to talk to the kids he will call them.
If he really hired a private investigater to find you why didn't he come to see the kids.. he didn't spend any money to find you. and the only reason you found him was through friends.
Don't worry about him. he apparently doesn't have the manhood to come and see his own kids.or help to take care of them.. leave it all alone. you have been doing fine for two years now with out him.. continue loving and caring for you kids you don't need him.
leave the jerk away..
you already heard what the kids had to say. they don't want to talk to him. they may want to years from now.. to find out why he left them and didn't bother to come and see them but for now leave well enough alone.
good luck and live a very happy life.
2006-09-09 03:19:17 · answer #1 · answered by Sandy F 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he had hired and PI and didn't find you? Did you hide or is your information out there like in a phone book? It sounds like a lame excuse. All you can do is make the kids know that he is their father and he knows how to connect them and they are free anytime to pick up the phone to call. If he does want a relationship with his kids he will make the time. The kids are the real judges in this world. Never bad mouth the other parent in fount of the kids and give all the love and support to them. Good luck
2006-09-09 03:26:25 · answer #2 · answered by chancesare45 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a similar situation. I ended a 8 year marriage 3 years ago our daughter was then 6 now is 8. In that time Dad HAS NEVER seen her since he walked out my door. Never sent a card paid support or anything. In 3 years he has called less the 5 times. I've sent messages sent letters asking what his intentions are telling him he needs to be involved in her life. I've ask why he dose not do ANYTHING I've told him and his FAMILY they were welcome to see her. NEVER ONE answer by him or his family. Our daughter has been in a mental hospital and the doctor said her anger and behavior was DIRECTLY related to her dad leaving. I let him know shes on meds because of issues of abandonment he acts like it's not his problem. I'm just tired at this point of trying to force him to be the father he SHOULD WANT TO BE. I stooped having contact i told him he knows my address my # my moms # my grandmothers when he decides to be a dad he can find her. IT'S ALL BS I've told him she'll one day be smart enough old enough to know he CHOOSE to be a dead beat. SO I WOULD not call the ex if he wanted to be there nothing on earth could stop him.
2006-09-09 03:19:56 · answer #3 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Legally he has a right to see them, but they also have a right to not see him. At the very least the 13 yo is of the age of consent, and can make this decision himself. The child that does not want to talk to their dad needs to call them and tell them, hopefully with the reason why. If they are scared have them write a letter. Children are entitled to their feelings.
This does not in any way alleviate his duty to pay support. These are two separate issues.
2006-09-09 03:21:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kids don't want to talk to him. Unless HE takes some steps to try to build a relationship with his kids, they are correct to want nothing to do with him. It's up to him to take action. Let him start paying to support his kids, THEN he may be able to earn the respect of his children. Until then, he IS a lowlife, and the kids are better off not having a relationship with him. His choice, his responsibility. Let him know how he can contact his kids. He can write them. But, they probably won't believe it means anyhing, unless Dad does the work required to be a parent. Don't call him, except to give him an adress he can write his kids.
2006-09-09 03:23:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a single a dad, a loving parent and society has a bad out look on dads because there are so many dads that will not step up and take on thier responsibilty as a parent, due to many reasons, yet this is no excuse for a dad to be a dead beat dad. me and my ex-wife learned we had to set aside our petty differents and be their for the children, it take a great effort from both parents, the mom and the dad, if one parent will not accept thier responsibilities as a parent, it very sad because this hurts only the child, and the child feels rejected, you as the parent in thier life try to be supportive to your children feeling and emotions, do not try to cause conflict between the parent who is not in the child life, just explain to them that the parent that is not in thier life is having problems and maybe not know how to fine the path to become a parent, and if the dead beat parent chooses not to be apart of thier child life, then it the dead beat parents lost and as sad as this is hurt the child, spend more quality time with the child and only focus on your relationship with your children to rebuild a new life together, comfort your child lost , because this is like a lost, compared to a child who lost a parent that had died, and be their for your child to offer comfort and love and support unconditionally.
2006-09-09 03:40:21 · answer #6 · answered by soulstore 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At their ages I would take their wishes into consideration. Possibly the best thing to do in this situation is to let him make the next move. If he wants contact with the children, let HIM call. Make sure your children understand that you will contact him for them if and when they ever want to, then leave it up to them. Sounds like you've done all you should.
2006-09-09 03:14:35 · answer #7 · answered by roamin70 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let the kids tell him they don't want to talk to him, they are old enough. Unless he hears it from them, he won't believe it and even if he hears it he is going to blame you for "poisoning" them against him instead of taking responsibility and the consequences for his actions.
As for being a deadbeat dad...get a lawyer and sock it to him. Try www.collectchildsupport.com or just type deadbeat dads into a search engine. Laws vary from state to state but you can take action.
2006-09-09 03:16:38 · answer #8 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would just let it go,the kids are better off without him at this time.
I would have him in court though to pay child support,the kids do deserve that no matter what.Plus I might straighten him up a bit because he will have to work.
2006-09-09 03:15:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As crappy of a person that he appears to be, he is still their father.
11 and 13 is too young to be making decisions that will affect their lives. There are a lot of things I didn't want to do at that age either. It is up to you to put your foot down and tell them that they are going to have a civil phone conversation with their father.
When they are 18, they can make their own decisions about staying in contact, but for now its up to you and their father.
2006-09-09 03:27:05 · answer #10 · answered by BoomChikkaBoom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋