What's the best way to live with this sad and complicated family situation?

Question

I'm 13 and have a bad relationship w/ my parents. For 7 months I haven't hardly talked to them. They were too harsh on me cause I got a bit sidetracked and this destroyed our relationship completely. That time I was doing wrong stuff and really had to chnange, so today I avoid bad crowds and my parents even say they are proud of me, despite my strong resentment. It's kinda bad to live this way, I really miss my parents affection, I feel lone and lonely but it's a fact that can't be changed. Thery tried to fix our relationship but it was impossible. They have nothing to complain, cause I'm an excellent student, don't get in trouble (my experience with bad crowds was traumatic, those people disappointed and hurt me) and take part in several healty activities, even dewal with children at a church. So, my qustion is: since my relationship with my parents is destroyed for life,what's the best way to live w this, how can I get comfort and guidance when I need?

Answer 1

I would suggest you ask your parents if the 3 of you can do some family therapy with a psychologist. It is likely that you will need the help of an objective professional to make this happen.

But keep in mind, that it sounds like all has been fixed except your anger at your parents, and yet you admit that what they did got you back on track. Yeah, maybe they were too harsh, but their motives came purely from the heart, out of their love and concern for you.

You say you go to church regularly, is there a youth pastor you can talk with forgiveness about? You need to learn to forgive them, and to see their actions for what they were, an effort to turn your life back onto a postive track.

Remember all parents are humans and fallible. Maybe they did go to far, but their motives were only for you.

Oh..and it is highly unlikely your relationship is destroyed for life. You have just entered your teen years and well, I'm certain you won't understand this yet, but the teen brain functions very differently from the mature brain. (well documented, scientific fact).

Emotions run very high now, and will for another 5 years or so. At this point most teens resent the control their parents put over their life, because they really believe they are ready and qualified to make ALL their own choices. You aren't, and 10 years from now you'll look back and get it. Just accept for now that you just don't have the experiences behind you yet to understand why teen choices aren't always well thought out.

I do recommend you get some help, but understand that repairing this can start as easily as you walking up to them and opening up about how you feel, if not on this topic, on something else important.

You are entering a difficult and important period of your life. The transition from child to woman is huge and you will benefit from their comfort and guidance - which...you already know. So seek it. Perhaps if you give them the opportunity to help you, you'll begin to let go of the anger over the prior incident.

BTW..you actually sound pretty together for 13. Seems to me your parents did pretty good for you to be so bright and mature for your age.

Answer 2

If you are a church goer Im assuming your family is religious? Doesnt the church teach forgiveness? I think you need to forgive your parents for their reaction while you were with the "wrong crowd" and they need to forgive you for your actions which you have fixed (well done!) Explain what you have said here to your parents but it sounds like you will need to make the first steps, you said in your question that your parents tried to repair the relationship but it didnt work - think about why this was? Is there something you could do to help build the bridge again? Family is VERY important and as you are finding now it can be lonely without it, talk to them, if you need someone to help you talk to your parents and start building the relationship again how about asking the minister at your church? Maybe you have a school counsellor who can help guide you on how to do this... start looking into fixing things instead of trying to work out how to live without your family..

Hugs

Answer 3

The first question is, do you want to establish good relations with them again? I would strongly suggest that your answer is "Yes". Your parents will always be there for you.

Why do you say they were "too harsh"? Do you not think that they could see what was coming, and tried to protect you? If I see somebody about to step in to the road in front of a car, what do I do? Shall I grab them by the arm and pull them "harshly" back on to the pavement? Or should I say "Excuse me, if you have a moment, could we .... Oh hell, better phone for an ambulance"?

What has happened is that they have lost trust in you, and have realised that you are not yet responsible enough for your own good. Actually, your age has got very little to do with it, your actions will speak for far more. You have to rebuild that trust. If you do not do so, then, I'm afraid, you are out on your own, and have to trust to luck that you don't run in to somebody else who wants to use your vulnerability.

This will all take time, and there many be good days and bad days, but you must keep trying. Good luck.

Answer 4

As a mother of a 15 year old girl, a 12 year old girl, and a 5 year old boy, can I just tell you that your relationship with your parents is NOT "destroyed for life"? You are just going through hard times. My oldest and I have been through them, too. My middle girl and I are starting to go through them now. A lot of it is hormones, and I hate to say it, but a lot of it is just the fact that life is hard, and you are beginning to wake up to that. But you WILL get through these times. Because at the end of the day, your parents love you, and always will.
NO MATTER WHAT.

Answer 5

Speaking from experience with my own 13 year old, when you have trust destroyed it is very hard to get back. But both her dad and I understood that 12, 12,14 is a very tough age. Lots of temptations and bad influences and a lot of insecurity. We were able to get past it and now enjoy a very loving and relaxed relationship with her. It took a lot of counseling and talking to get us thru the bad behavior. I sounds like you are past that part and what is left is to repair your relationship. I don't know how they have tried but I know that parents love children unconditonally and that eventually whatever hurt they are feeling will fade. I'd suggest talking to them and telling them what you have told us. Be affectionate with them first. Tell them what it is you miss. Suggest family activities like playing a board game or watching movie together. Let them know how very important this is to you . They love you, count on it. It is just very hard being a parent and watching your kid mess up and feel helpless to stop. The good news is you have turned your life around--good for you. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Answer 6

Hush! it has not been destroyed for life, iguess they are just a little wary or is just giving you some space. The best part about a parents love is that unlike a bf/gf relationship, you dont fall out of love with your child, regardless of what the do. Have you tried reaching out to them. Buy a card which expresses remorse over your past deeds and make them breakfast one morning. It'll bring them to tears. You can't be half as bad as my kids and I would not exchange them for the world. I'm still in love with my kids, regardless of their past. Go ahead, make their day!

Answer 7

Your dad and mom can by no ability end loving you---there's a actual and emotional tie it is nigh impossible to break. the very reality which you omit the affection ability that it became into there earlier and that they show affection and are not chilly or unresponsive. the reality that they tried to restoration the dating ability that they cared adequate to compliment it. So end doubting their love. you have broken their believe and in line with danger their hearts somewhat. they're human and are additionally hurting. you presently would desire to first earn their believe lower back and teach them how plenty they mean to you---no longer in words yet yet in the way you behave, respond and look after them. proceed doing nicely with your study and being in touch in healthful activities and interest. stay out of hassle, spend extra time at abode and verify out showing extra undertaking and involvement with relatives subject concerns and issues. end focussing on YOU as though it is the only element considerable. They too have lives and fears and frustrations and hurts and upsets----be there gently for them. while they see you reaching out and behaving extra mature---their dependence and appreciate for you will boost and slowly they'll permit their suppressed love bubble out and lower back envelope you in its heat temperature and exhilaration. Take it slowly and function desire

Answer 8

I am sure that your relationship is not destroyed completely for life. You need to be honest with yourself and your parents. If you go to church talk to your pastor/priest. Then ask your family to go with you to talk to your pastor/priest. Tell them how you feel your relationship is wrong and you want to fix it because you miss them. They probably miss you and don't know how to reach out to you. It takes work and more than one attempt. It won't get "fixed" overnight. If you want it truly....then work for it. And don't whine.

Answer 9

Mami I am 16yrs old and I have so many problems in my life, with my family life is ****** up, and I am going to be straight forward with you,it's only going to get harder, but you got to learn how to block every problem in your life out with happy thoughts, know matter what happens keep a smile on your face, don't let no one get you down cause if you let them get you down then you let them when no matter what people say or do keep a smile on your face, even if your mad or upset, just laugh at them let them no they won't succeed in making you mad!

Answer 10

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