Are you married to a workaholic?

Question

No matter what job my hubby is doing he seems to find a way to do it for more than 12 hours a day at least 6 days a week. I have often been concerned that perhaps he wasn't working but he is always at work when I call. I miss him so much. I have tried asking him to make dates with me and then we never can find a babysitter on that day and he often ends up going in to work anyway. I know he is doing it for me and our family but I miss him so much. What do you do to keep your mind off the fact that they are never home? I have 2 small children and no friends so I feel totally isolated from the world. Do you have any advice? Thanks all

Answer 1

Yes, My husband works at least 150 hours every two weeks. He is a paramedic, and in the medical feild overtime is easy to get.
We have 2 boys ages 4, and 1. Its hard to find a babysitter for us because his mother is the only one we can "trust" to watch the kids and she works through the week herself (our youngest spent almost 4 months in the hosptial and cannot be with a bunch of kids or in daycare for at least another year acording to his docters to avoid bugs)
Anyways this has been going on with him for about 3 years now. Its getting really old with me. I have a prn job as a respiratory therapist, and I have to turn down days because of my husbands work sceduale or work a night shift and not sleep the next day cause hes at work and I have to keep the boys.
We have no time for just me and him. The only time we are going to have together in the near future which is on the 15th its our 5th wedding aniv. We have made a pact not to accept any work hours that whole weekend, and his mother doesn't work on the weekends so we actually will have 3 days together.
Now, like his "vacations" he takes he will prob work one day that weekend no matter what. I really don't understand why he does work so much. I can make in 40 hours what he makes in 90 a week. I think it would be easier if both of us pulled only 40 hours a week. He insist that the boys need me.
THe peace of mind I do have, which most women don't with a workaholic husband is that I can call him anytime, and If I want to I can take the boys up to his workplace. (they love to play on the trucks) I can also turn the scanner on and hear his voice, which I really havent' done in about 2 years.
What is he doing for a living? One way to think of it is that at least he is working, and not a couch potato who wants the women to work.
Where do you live? small town or city. If you live in a small town I would put an ad out and interview people and do research and find a trustworthy babysitter for at least one of the days that you two are off work together. Now as far as the city. I wouldnt trust anyone with my boys.

If you need someone to talk to email me

Answer 2

Make some friends.
Tell your hubby that he has to every month or so set a date with you because he will cause you to have resentments in the future.
If your family desperately needs the money, then he is being a good husband and Daddy, but if he can afford to be with the family or you every once in awhile there is an underlying reason why he is staying away.
Do you nag at him a lot when he is around? Are the children so out of control that he can't stand to be home? Is the house a total mess that he feels uncomfortable being in it? Have you for sure confirmed that he is not having an affair? (don't go accusing him of course). Not that any of those are excuses to stay away from his home, sometimes men have strange reasons for not coming home.
Have you ever asked him why he avoids the family?

Answer 3

i'm sorry to hear that.

But...Your husband decided to marry you and have childern. He is working way too much and I don't care what he does. His priority should be you and the children.

You state that you are lonely and making friends is not going to resolve the fact that you are missing emotional, affectionate and maybe even sexual attention. This is not healthy in a marriage. Don't beleive you will not become distracted with another male at some point if this continues, then finding yourself asking, "what should I do, I love another man"

Talk to your husband again and state how serious this is. If he has to, find another job with less workloads. The children need a father and you need a husband. This is very selfish of him.

I hope the best for you and the children.

Answer 4

He's probably an overachiever and very ambiitious. How fortunate for you.
Do you work? How old are your children? How about joining a Mommy's Club ?
Perhaps it's a good idea to get a part time job and put the kids in day care a couple of days a week? Then you meet new people, make friends, and have a focus other than your hubby.

Answer 5

Workaholism is generally called the "noticeably dependancy" by using fact, on a similar time as unfavorable to the kinfolk (fairly little ones), it additionally has some very seen, very constructive factor consequences. The workaholic's frenetic profession may be thrilling and empowering (sturdy issues) and usually there is first rate money coming in to the entire kinfolk (additionally a sturdy ingredient). whether, whilst taken to extremes, little ones of workaholics blame themselves and sweetness why their determine does not love them. Is it something they did? Are they no longer sturdy sufficient to be enjoyed? generally the workaholic is a guy, yet on your case it relatively is the lady. no count number-gender politics isn't the project right here. in my view, what you decide on is a plan, a thank you to make your contemporary discomfort serve a purpose. So it's time to guy up. First, enable your little ones be attentive to your spouse's continual selections of artwork over kinfolk isn't their fault: there is surely no longer something incorrect with them, and mom has a condition completely unrelated to them, and all of it started till now they have been born. 2nd, (and extra importantly) a real guy does no longer pass away his childrens, and don't delude your self into thinking you could win a custody conflict (you won't have the ability to). So it seems such as you have 12 years to be the main suitable dad those childrens would desire to ever have, and if mom does not participate do no longer bend over backwards to handle her condition. She's continually welcome and you at the instant are not something yet form, however the kinfolk is carried out allowing her workaholic techniques. whilst the youngsters are truthfully raised and on their very own, you're unfastened to totally concentration on your very own happiness by new acquaintances, new interests, or perhaps your faith with or without her. carefully, you will desire to in all probability initiate a number of those issues now. your little ones will look back sooner or later and keep in mind you as by no potential neglecting them; that they mattered then and now. perhaps your spouse comes around, perhaps she does not. yet she would have the ability to have a impolite awakening whilst she discovers coworkers do no longer pass to you once you're previous.

Answer 6

The workaholic may not be the one who suffers most. "Workaholism “is often more of a problem for the people who share their lives with a workaholic.The marriage mate’s life can be turned into a nightmare. Those who center their lives on work must ask themselves this question: ‘What will I have left if my work is taken away?’ when he retires, his life may revolve around his family and community. Those who have neglected the need for communication with their family and neighbors are at a loss after retirement to know what to talk about with them. “They are paying the bill for refusing to look at anything but work, are they not?”

----What Im really saying is talk to your husband and make him realize that 'NOW' for spending family time is also important than saving money for the future.--

Answer 7

well,i guess in todays competitive world 12 hours is normal,you should supprt him and enjoy the rest of the day that he is home with you and over the weekends....make sure to plan a holiday every 3-4 months,if not more for just 2-3 days and that would help you guys catch up and get even closer....
about being lonely and stuff,well you have 2 kids,try and keep your self busy.....take up some sport,will help u feel optimistic and energised....dont let you friendship with your hubby het affected,share with him all that you feel and talk to him,communication is a must in every relationship!!good luck!!

Answer 8

I wish I could help you, dear, but I am a workaholic as well. I work an average of 15hrs. per day, 7 days per week. I know that my work is more important to me than anything else. Maybe you should ask your husband about his priorities. If he slacks up on his hours, you may have to sacrifice some material things. You and he really need to sit down and have a serious discussion about this. If this isn't resolved, it will lead to resentment and eventually to infidelity.

Answer 9

I'm in the same situation, only with no children. My husband even went back to work the same day we got married. Just ask him what can you do to make him want to come home more. If you make some changes, he will too.

Answer 10

i have a daughter who is young aswell... you souldnt have to make dates with your husband maybe you sould talk to him and say you miss him and that you need some time with him, it sounds like your starting to doubt him and you sould ask him about your worrys nothings more important then what you feel. he needs to understand that work isnt the only thing in his life... i grew up with a dad who still to this day is a workaholic and i don't even really know my dad and that has effected our family just talk to him babe i have no friends either and sometimes having no friends is for the best