Hello everyone! My girlie friend and I have been close for about five years now. We get along great and our husbands are very close as well. Not too long ago I went to lunch in another city with some friends of mine. Low and behold I saw my best friends husband with another woman! They were not just friends, trust me! I don't know what to do! She thinks her husband is the greatest. It has been hard for me too because I really liked her husband. I do not want to see their marriage fail but in the long run I feel like it will whether or not I tell her. What do I do? Tell her or wait for her to figure it out?
2006-09-09 01:10:40 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Put it this way, if you DON'T tell her and she later finds out anyway and it transpires that you knew and didn't tell her you will have lost the friend.
So tell her, but tell her the facts of what you saw only - don't put any spin on it, and then she can confront her husband herself and after that decide for herself if (a) there is anything to it and (b) if so whether or not she is prepared to forgive him. (That is, after all, not something anyone else can decide for her).
But as her friend you have a duty to tell her.
2006-09-09 01:19:05 · answer #1 · answered by a1mandrake 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a really difficult situation and I am not sure there is a definite right or wrong answer.
Firstlym are you absolutely sure - did you see them kissing?
It could be just a one off mistake on his part.
Perhaps you could mention it to him. Tell him how much you like him and his wife and that it would be better for him to work out his marriage or if he doesn't want to do that to treat his wife with more respect than to have an affair and sort out a "new life" whilst stills stringing his wife along.
Than again she may have cheated on him at some point and this may be his revenge.
I don't think you should necessarily tell her. He made the mistake and telling her won't make it better or relieve his guilt. If he is resolved not to do it again, he should stop it. Telling her can be a selfish act.
Sometimes you have to decide what is more important the relatoinship or the truth.
Good luck.
2006-09-09 01:16:06 · answer #2 · answered by Bebe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would confront the husband. Tell him when and where you saw him and that he should be honest with his wife and tell her. Let him know, make him sweat it out. If he really cares for her he will tell her. Give him a period of time to tell her such as 10 days then if he doesn't let him know you will tell her and its going to be worse for him in the long run.
I know if I were married and someone saw that my husband was with someone else, I would want to hear it from him but I'm sure he would not tell me so therefore I would rather hear it from a friend before I ended up with something that I shouldn't have gotten.
Good Luck
2006-09-09 01:15:59 · answer #3 · answered by baby_thumper_girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can assur you she will not believe you. Furthermore this will more than likely be the end of your friendship. It will also cause friction between you and your husband. I don't know how swtrong you are but my advice would be to approach him and let him know that you are aware of his meeting with this other lady and that you do not want your friend to get hurt. See what his reaction is and take it from there. You might even as a last resort ask your husband's advice.
2006-09-09 01:32:28 · answer #4 · answered by robsnor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first you mus look at whats involved......how long have they been married, do they have kids, if so....how old. Those are things to consider, but being a man whose never cheated on my wife, but have plenty of friends who have, I would say your best bet is to tell her. Even if you talk to him, he will not stop.....sad but true. He may stop but will soon find someone else. Only you know them. I'm a believer that marriages can be salvaged, telling her doesn't mean it will result in a divorce. Another way to possibly deal with it, is for someway for you to help her find out by herself. If you are her best friend, then when she finds out she will confide in you. You need to advise her on how to handle the situation i.e. counseling for them. Don't just tell her to get a divorce, especially if there are kids involved. But ask yourself, "If the situation were reversed, would I want to know?"
2006-09-09 07:37:31 · answer #5 · answered by MGO Blue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel you must get involved, then tell the husband you saw him with his lady friend in (city). It would have been smarter to walk up and say "hi" when you saw them. his conscience would do the rest ... otherwise, stay out of it. in most cases, she would not believe you anyway and you would lose her as a friend over it
there is also the possibility that she was a relative (sister), dont assume.
2006-09-09 01:21:21 · answer #6 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the messenger might get shot. 1st I would go to him and ask him what his plans are. He has probably been seeing this other women for a wile now and its not just a sex thing. Emotions are into it. Ask him whats up. Tell him you think it wrong of him to be doing this and tell im that this is your wife and he needs to be the one to tell her. If he does not tell her I think you should carefully tell her. Good luck with that if it has to go that far.
If it help show her this sight. YOu seem like a very wonderfull friend. She will be hurt but she will also know that you care about her....
2006-09-09 02:29:36 · answer #7 · answered by Leigh D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to talk first to your friend's husband about the incident. Then tell him how much you value your friendship with his wife and how much his wife view him as a great husband. This would prompt him to be honest with your friend and tell her directly if there is something fishy going on. If he is cheating on your friend and would not like to admit it to her then you have to tell her what you saw and that you talked to him already. Then support her at the time that she will confront her husband...
2006-09-09 01:58:30 · answer #8 · answered by Tomoyo K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her. NOW. Tell her exactly what you saw, and how you interpreted it. Don't add anything, just the facts. She may refuse to believe you, and might even stop seeing you. So be it. Being her friend requires that you BE a friend. Even if she hates you for telling her; when she finially sees him for what he is- she will remember than you were honest with her, and were a friend.
2006-09-09 01:31:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW you know your dammed if you do and your dammed if you don't. She could wind up not your best friend. But if you decide not to tell her then take it to the grave with you after she finds out from someone else. If you decide to tell her get ready for the battle of the life time because she won't believe you she will believe the creep. I know I was the the one who believed the creep.
2006-09-09 01:17:19 · answer #10 · answered by ROSEY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋