I just had my first child on the 31st. I live with my babys father and his grandma, My childs great grandma & she wont stop telling me what to do. She complains because i breastfeed and she cant feed the baby even though i pump milk and EVERYONE else has fed her, she doesnt even want to touch the bottle the milk is in. She keeps telling me to give the baby water and i dont want her to have water! She keeps asking when im going to formula feed her, ask me where the baby is 24/7, when the baby is sleeping in the next room with her dad, I took her to my moms house to give her a bath, because our bathtub and sink are for lack of better terms 'unsanitary' and grandma flipped out on me for taking the baby outside of the house. I cant go to the bathroom or have dinner with out her bothering me! Isnt it supposed to be i cant use the bathroom or have dinner with out the baby needing something/ How do i tell her to shut the hell up and let me raise my child how i want to?
2006-09-09 00:41:54 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Btw, the house is very old, the bathtub is rusty & the sink is always getting stopped up, Not really anything i can do about that, & we are living with his grandmother to help take care of her, she is in her mid seventies. I could move back in with my mother but she already has a full house and financial situations do not provide me with the ability to get my own place either. Thanks for everyones imput.
2006-09-09 01:07:46 · update #1
First of all congrats on your baby! I can't even imagine having to put up with that especially in these post pardum weeks. You are your baby's Mother and you need to do what's best and it sounds to me that you are being a very good Mother. Can you sit her down and tell her that this is your child and what you say and the decisions that you make are FINAL. Be firm, she has to respect that, if she doesn't you will move out. This is a time that is crucial for you and your baby to bond and others need to stay out of the way. Can you get the baby's Father to help with talking to her? If she does not respect your wishes as your baby's Mother I would seriously consider moving out. Being a new Mom is hard enough.
Water is NOT good for a newborn. It can dilute their blood. This is what my daughter's Dr told me after my daughter was born.
2006-09-09 00:59:11 · answer #1 · answered by 10 pts for me? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When living with others there are some things you have to do-putting your childs safety at risk isn't one of them. Listen politely to her advice and weigh it against what you know from your babies doctor. By all means do not go into this alone. Your babies Daddy is part of this and the two of you need to sit down together and discuss how you will tactfully handle Great Grandma. Continue bathing the baby at your moms house to give yourself a break and for sanitary reasons, explain how immunities are transferred through breastmilk and that breastmilk is cheaper than formula! When formula came out it was pushed as better than breastmilk-alot of people still think that.
The view on babies and water has changed over the years but without special reasons babies get all the water they need from either the breastmilk or the formula-until they start eating solid food.
BTW-the second article from pediatrics.about.com also talks about grandparents and advice!!
Good luck!!
2006-09-09 10:19:01 · answer #2 · answered by magicmysticferret 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
everything you say sounds like it's all a generational gap thing... when Grandma had a baby they didn't take it out of the house for many reasons until they were older and didn't have to worry about all the illnesses that were so rampant during those days-
as for the breastfeeding- you know that that is what is best for the baby and tell her that the Dr and hospital all agree that breastfeeding is best because the baby develops a better immune system from your breast milk.
what it all comes down to though is that "Grandma" looks at you as being "too young" (maybe) and thinks she is *helping* you by giving all her "advice" . To save your sanity and sounds like the baby's health (from the "unsanitary" sink/house) maybe you should move out -or in with your Mom until you can get on your feet. Any new/1st time Mom's are always inundated with lots of *well-meaning* advice they don't really care to hear. ;o)
If you can't move out, just learn to ignore her comments.
good luck!!!
2006-09-09 08:26:03 · answer #3 · answered by sammy22005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What an interesting situations. I wonder why you're living in the home with your baby's daddy's grandma? Is it for her care (very generous on your part) or for financial reasons for you and baby's daddy? In either case, I would never recommend being rude or nasty to another human, let alone your elder's! Anyway, it is good that you are breastfeeding, very good for baby. Tell her "the docter says" about everything. A lot of older people respect a medical opinion. If the house you are living in is "unsanitary", please do all you can to make it sanitary. (Baby's daddy should help. Tell him I said so!) Of course, it's okay to take baby out of house just because you want to, properly dressed for the weather, protected from sun, and in a appropriate car seat if in a car. Try to be patient with grandma and others. Things are different from when she had babies, and you may be more irritable than usual due to hormones. When you can't stand it any longer, make baby's daddy take grandma out for a while, or you escape!!!
2006-09-09 07:57:01 · answer #4 · answered by Robin R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone always has their own opinions, especially older people that are set in their ways. They did things very differently when she had babies. Try to be firm, but respectful at the same time. Tell her that you will raise the your baby the way that you feel is best and to please keep her comments to herself. Explain to her that a lot has chanaged, and things are done differently now. Get her a book even, so she can read up. If you want her opinion you will ask for it. You may offend her, but she will get over it. Be firm and set a healthy boundry before she drives you nuts. Hope this helps.
2006-09-09 12:38:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen i m still a bachelor, so possibly this suggestion may or maynot sound wierd. I would suggest u to have a break of atleast one month n to your mothers place or to any place where u feel urself secure. By that time things would possibly change n so will the habits of ur kid. May be that the love of ur kids Granny will then make her think the way u want.
rest hope for the best...
2006-09-09 07:59:18 · answer #6 · answered by Vishal J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right in doing what is best for your baby. I lived with my grandmother when I had my first child, but she was nothing but helpful. If it bothers you so much, you should tell your husband and ask him to talk to her. She may get hurt, but it's your baby and you do what you have to do for that baby. I wouldn't want to bathe my child in a dirty tub, either. Goodluck, sweety!!!
2006-09-12 06:45:52 · answer #7 · answered by bsantos0523 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like reasoning with her will help. Don't even try. Your best bet is to get away from the situation and isolate yourself with the baby and his father as best as possible in the mean time. Otherwise, ignore the babbling and get your own place.
What is the baby's father doing to help with the interference? Time to grow up I think.
2006-09-09 08:29:42 · answer #8 · answered by marleyfu 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds likd she thinks you're immature and can't handle it. Maybe it's time you and the baby's father found your own place to live.
or
you can sit down with her and your baby's father and discuss the whole situation, saying I know you raised a great son and I appreciate the help and support your giving us. Please understand I am a new mom and I welcome your imput but I have chosen to breast feed and do things my way. And go clean the bathroom, you live there too!
2006-09-09 07:52:33 · answer #9 · answered by cinderjo 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is definitely a difficult situation because you are living in her house. However, that does not give her the right to tell you what to do with YOUR child. I had to learn how to do and say what was right for my child and not worry about whose feelings I was hurting. I stopped breastfeeding my son because my mom gave me hell about it because she too wanted to feed him. I gave in to her because I was suffering with p.p. depression and I couldn't deal with her drama. It was the biggest mistake. Do not give in to anyone! I know it is hard but it will benefit you and your child in the long run.
2006-09-09 07:51:52 · answer #10 · answered by lcplyr7 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋