Married over 10 years. Husband usually home after 10pm every night working. See him on weekends only. We haven't slept in the same bedroom for over 1 year. He is verbally abusive on occassion and then "plays nice" by buying jewelry, taking on vacations, etc. We have a child under 10. I feel like a single mom. Am I nuts for sticking with this?
2006-09-09 00:24:27 · 16 answers · asked by mustlovefur 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Husband has been "trying" to find another job for 3 years... very high level.. told him the money doesn't matter to me, take a lower paying job but he won't
2006-09-09 00:31:05 · update #1
After 10 years that "in love" feeling changes... you respect, appreciate, admire, but the giddy goes away. I was just dealing with everything until he started getting verbal 'what are you gonna do about it?' 'what the f* do you want me to do' 'what do you know' and then to our kid... that pushed me... I thought he would hit him one day during a screaming fit.
2006-09-09 00:45:01 · update #2
Other side of the story? He says it's all his fault "but what can I do?" he says. "Can't quit my job" "I'll try to be nicer to kid" Won't see counselor.
2006-09-09 04:23:45 · update #3
Counseling -- Anger Management --Verbal Abuse is still ABUSE.......... If he won't go for counseling, YOU GO.......
People can change IF they really work hard at it. You have to make the decision and then stick to it.
Good Luck
2006-09-10 01:16:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you considered that the reason he has not (read: will not) get another job is because he is not actually working until 10:00? The fact that you don't sleep in the same room rings alarm bells for me. I wouldn't be surprised if the screaming and verbal abuse comes when he is being defensive and worried that you will find out what's going on, and of course the jewellery and holidays come from guilt, not affection.
At a time when you are both calm, ask him straight out what is going on. Tell him you will not continue to be married under these circumstances and something must change. Tell him that if he is prepared to sort it out that you will do it together. If he is not prepared to work with you and act like an adult then get some counselling for yourself so you have some support to help decide what is best for you to do.
2006-09-09 08:27:24 · answer #2 · answered by noirdenat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all do you still love him as you love him 10 years ago?
If yes stay with him and try to work it out. So things for him you never done before.
If no than just stay with him until you child moves out. Than leave him. If you leave him now there a beater chance he will not be kind and you have to put up to 8 years of him not paying support for your child.
But think about it. Your choice. Stay and hope for the best. Or leave and think how am I going to live on my own.
Do you have a job. If now been good time to get one..
OK LEAVE HIM. IF YOU THINK HE GOING TO HURT YOU. LEAVE HIM. THERE PLACES IN YOUR CITY THAT WILL HELP YOU. CALL THE POLICE ON HIM THE NEXT TIME THIS HAPPENS. THAN YOU CAN LEAVE HIM AND START THAT NEW LIFE OVER. IT BE HARD AT FIRST. BUT WILL TAKE TIME AND YOU GET OVER HIM. YOU MAY EVEN FINE SOMEONE NICER THAN HIM. SOMEONE THAT DOESN'T CARE HOW MUCH MONEY HE MAKES. ONLY CARES ABOUT THE GIRL HE IS WITH.
2006-09-09 07:34:03 · answer #3 · answered by James H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not much fun him coming home at 10 every nite. but have to ask if you are somewhat of a nag? You appear to have a very upscaled homelife, would you like to give up your nice life style? probably not, and unfortunately to keep that, your husband has to work. since it seems like you've got the means, why don't you find something to occupy your time. You see him on weekends, takes you on vacations, jewelry etc. Alot of women don't ever get that!!!!! Appreciate what you have ma'am, there are alot of women out there who are single moms and have to work 2 jobs to put food on the table!!! sorry, but you sound a bit whiney.
2006-09-09 07:44:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce could be the easiest thing to do...given the circumstances. But may not be the right thing to do. Ten years are long enough to understand each other. Have a frank discussion. Express your opinion objectively, and set your expectations. Thers a way to do it. I am sure you are a smart person. Come on, for the sake of the kid, try once more please! Dont give up!!
2006-09-09 07:41:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to ask yourself, am i his wife or just the sitter? He is obviously interested elsewhere, but it is up to you to change all that, if it's possible to do so. Put your foot down, the abuse must stop! If he wants you as his wife then treat you so. Hey starting over ain't a bad choice anyway. Better be someone your child will respect!
2006-09-09 07:41:31 · answer #6 · answered by ann m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like Hubby is working alot of hours and is having a hard time handling the stress. He might want to check into other career opportunities.
2006-09-09 07:28:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm reading only one side of the "story". Where is the other side of the "story"?. To make a fair comment, both sides should be read.
2006-09-09 09:30:34 · answer #8 · answered by Teh halia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to talk, if he can't talk to you something is wrong. If he is hollering at you, something is wrong. If he won't go to counseling something is wrong and you need to move on for you and your child. Your child needs to know that you do not treat women like that.
2006-09-09 09:02:01 · answer #9 · answered by rjsr40 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you waiting for. For him to lift his hands to you or your child. Get out before it comes to that stage
Ps. If there is any hope to save this marriage that should be your first priority.
2006-09-09 08:46:54 · answer #10 · answered by robsnor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋