in the eyes of gods the sun is a needle point,
The milky way is a ball in a basket,
but the universe , the univers is a tear on the cheek of virginity
2006-09-08 23:44:56 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
yes mine
theunivers is a virgine , drinking warm milk in the sun shine
uh and with big eyes !
2006-09-09 00:15:50 · update #1
its ok, but its like its trying too hard
2006-09-09 01:17:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I get the point of your poem but its crap, the last line is the only good bit which you f**ked up by repeating universe and not spelling correctly.
but the universe , the univers is a tear on the cheek of virginity
would have been better as
but the universe is a tear on the cheek of virginity
but then you would have needed to add much more to it, bin it.
2006-09-09 03:29:50 · answer #2 · answered by Dirk Wellington-Catt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a poem it doesn't flow put a bit more thought into it and it could be a winner. More lines will make it flow better, I like what you have so far though.
2006-09-10 01:55:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes I like your imagery! How sad that we should be part of a tear though.. even if it glitters in the reflection of myriad stars!
2006-09-09 05:39:02 · answer #4 · answered by Christine H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why a tear? Do you mean a tear as in a rip or as in a droplet?
2006-09-10 09:56:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You lost me with that virginity part.
2006-09-08 23:53:46 · answer #6 · answered by T.Mack 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont understand the last sentence. explain pls. I am noob.
2006-09-08 23:58:51 · answer #7 · answered by rajkath 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds nice, but i dont understand the end bit
2006-09-08 23:47:13 · answer #8 · answered by ToniLianne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is quite good. I kinda like it.
2006-09-08 23:50:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ya, its quite good, with a great depth
2006-09-08 23:51:23 · answer #10 · answered by Kelrec 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋