i have one wonderful parent but my other (Father) acks like a dead beat, but yet still he live here with us... i have alot of anger built up inside for him and he continues to make it worse.. what can i do.. I try to forgive but remembering things wont let me..
2006-09-08 20:43:36 · 10 answers · asked by need_help 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
what if u want to but the way they treat u, u can d that.. I am not a teenager i have went through this treatment for 13 years and i think i am done.. i cant find it in my heart to forgive,, i definetly cant forget..
2006-09-08 20:52:54 · update #1
I am attending college to get my L.V.N, so i stay at home, i have other sisters and they get the same treatment, we dont understand why but.. he down talks them and i all the time.. at one point he told me that all i would mount out to be was a burger king cashier.. I was one of my classes top graduate.. and had many sports awards so i didnt understand those comments.. He kicked me out the house pretty much everyday, but i was a minor so my mother would step in, now that i am not a minor i have to fight my own battles..(not to mention my first job was in an office).. he wouldnt know that, he has no intrest in me , as far as i think.
2006-09-08 21:10:29 · update #2
You are absolutely right. Forgiving is the easy part, forgetting is much harder.
A lot of the problem may be that you feel you are letting your mother down because you haven't managed to sort you father out or change his behavior. It is not your fault that he is not up to being an adult or that your mother hasn't taken the road to freedom.
What ever he has done to you mentally and emotionally have come from his lack of self respect, not from any lack in you.
Having absolutely no idea how old you are, I can only tell you to treat him with the minimum of politeness required of you and keep reminding yourself that you are a hundred times the person he can ever be.
The scariest thought is that deep down inside of him in the places he may never be able to voice, I bet he is so proud of you.
When you are old enough or able, quietly pack your bags and move on to a better life without fighting or recrimination on your part.
Don't allow your anger and hurt to consume you. Write your feelings down and then watch them burn every once in while. It is very cathartic.
Take pride in yourself and take revenge by being the best you can be! You have come this far, you can do it.
2006-09-08 20:58:54 · answer #1 · answered by Christine H 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do not actually have to forgive him just because he is your father.
Just because he is one of your parents does not automatically give him the right to respect or forgiveness, that is something that people earn.
You say that you have one wonderful parent, be happy for that, however, while you are still living under their roof you will have to play by their rules. Talk to your mother (calmly), don't just give a list of the things you hate about your father, talk as equals about what is happening and ask her opinion as to how to stop it.
Many people resent authority, is he actually abusing you or is he just a very strict parent? Look at the situation as if you were on the outside looking in at someone else's life. If it is really bad and not just that he is a hard father, you have the right to report him to the authorities. Good Luck.
2006-09-08 20:58:30 · answer #2 · answered by sarah b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there. For me the Epiphany was realizing that the amount of hate I would have to have for them to actually pay them back for hte way they treated me would consume my entire life. I realized that it was eaisier on my phyche to forgive. this made me a man. So much so that I now have learned to have a relationship with them on my own terms. I love them but never would let them do anything to hurt me again
2006-09-08 20:47:40 · answer #3 · answered by david k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to make a clear choice to forgive.
Forgetting is nearly impossible but as time goes on and you make a new life for yourself you wont think about it as much.
You just have to realize they are who they are and you have to do what you can to make your life as pleasant as possible when your under their roof.
When youre on your own, you can limit contact and when you do family get togethers...agree to be cordial. As long as you 'allow' his/her treatment/words to penetrate you ...you'll remain stuck in the past.
You know youre better than your dad is....he's trying to prove to you that your not, to bring you down to his level so he can feel better about himself. Dont let him win. Keep your head up!
2006-09-08 21:35:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 9/11 I was able to forgive. It was very hard even with therapy and good friends. You just need to remember that you don't deserve what happened or may happen.
2006-09-08 20:53:31 · answer #5 · answered by kerry9477 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just remember he is the one with the seriuos problem not u he sounds like a horrible bully!!
2006-09-08 21:01:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no one is perfect and there are no perfect families. you will realize this the older you get
2006-09-08 20:47:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
do u ve a gf
if u dont then u need to ve one....or more
seriousli
2006-09-08 20:50:39 · answer #8 · answered by sonia 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
stay away and don't see them or contact them again. life will be better.
2006-09-08 20:46:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you find out,let me know too!
2006-09-08 20:48:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋