How do I tell people that I want to become a girl?

Question

I'm 25 years old. I've been dressing like a girl secretly since I was a teenager. It is driving me crazy trying to keep this secret and I would love to tell people so I don't feel like I'm pretending to be somebody that I'm not. I think that I'm just afraid to tell people because I don't want them to treat me differently. I've seen how cruel and mean people are to transsexuals and I don't want to be treated that way by the people that I love. Plus I know that my mother and family would disown me.

Answer 1

You get the benefit of the doubt here---I'm assuming this is an honest and legit question, so you get my best honest answers, FWIW.

First of all: you're going to need to do some heavy thinking (quite possibly with a counselor of some sort). BIG question here---"do you enjoy dressing up in female clothing, and/or 'being' a female FOR A TIME, while still wanting to be a male?" or "I've got the physical equipment of a male, but I've always felt I was female, and this body is just not right for me." In other words---crossdressing or transsexuality/transgenderism?

Once you get this sorted out, then you can start deciding what you want to do, and who you __have__ to tell.

A number of crossdressers in my group enjoy their particular kink without letting outside family members know. (Most of the ones who are still married or partnered DID get around to telling their significant others about their likings. "MUCH better to bring it out, than to let them find out on their own" was the general consensus.)

For most of the transgendered folk....it's rather difficult, during transitional living (before any significant reassignment surgery), and afterwards. But it's doable.

For starters, check with PFLAG--Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays---national self-help/support group that also works with bisexual and transgendered persons. The link is www.pflag.org.

If you decide that gender reassignment surgery is what you want, be aware that reputable US medical centers will want you to go through extensive counseling sessions, probably requiring you to "live in role" for a lengthy time BEFORE you even get considered for major hormonal meds and/or surgery. This is NOT a weekend change in lifestiyle, so lots of prep work happens.

Here's some books to check out, as STARTING points. All are excellent, and worth the price. You've got a lot of reading to do. (PFLAG will probably have some more on their links page.) Check Amazon; they're discreet.

When Someone You Love is Kinky, Dossie Easton and C.A. Liszt (Janet Hardy)---some info on telling loved ones; a lot of this is for THEM to learn how to respond when someone they love identifies as a sexually diverse person.

Health Care Without Shame: A Handbook for the Sexually Diverse and Their Caregivers, Charles Moser, MD, Ph.D. Lots of info on getting good health care, when you're "different". Several chapters also very handy for bringing non-kink people "up to speed" in a hurry.

Guide to Getting it on--Paul Joannides. Comprehensive, funny, highly informative and enjoyable; this is the best general purpose sex education book I've seen. Very accepting of all sexual diversities; lots of user questions; glossary. Get it!

Different Loving---Brame, Brame, and Jacobs. Several chapters, including interviews, with people in the cross-dressing and transgender communities. I'd consider this a "second line" book to purchase, if funds are tight.

Our Bodies, Ourselves--Boston Women's Health Book Collective. Great user's manual for any female; some material on CD/TG issues. Readily available in libraries.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

I'm 21 years old, and it took me a while to muster up the courage to tell my parents. The hardest part isn't finding what to say, but saying it.

A strong word of advice, if you are worried your parents are going to disown you (unfortunately the probabitlity is high, my parents have all but disowned me; being rather conservative christians, they truly believe I'm being deceived by satan) it might be prudent to come out to a close friend first. One thing that might have helped with my parents, is having had some therapy first; that way it would have been easier for them to see it as the medical condition it is.

I can not stress how much a psychologist/psychiatrist will help (if your not already seeing one). They will help you deal with the extreme emotions and the extreme changes you are going to experience. I can not lie to you, being transsexual has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through. At the same time its been a huge blessing because I finally don't have to keep who I am a secret. I don't have to censor myself anymore. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't understand transsexuals yet. If you come out, you will risk losing everyone you love. Though the relationships that do last through this trying time are worth their weight in gold. I hope your family doesn't disown you, mine hasn't but the relationship has definitely change. Good luck

Answer 3

This is something that you need to discuss openly with a therapist before you take any drastic steps. You have to be 200% sure about yourself before you tell others.

I know what it's like to live a lie. I'm 18 years old and just came out at an FtM 2-3 years ago.

Be strong! You'll be okay. But I would definately recommend finding someone open minded to talk to about this. I did a lot of backround research on this and there are a lot of resources to help people that need it here in New York City. You should do a Google seach on Trans resources.

There are also a lot of yahoo groups that you can join and ask questions in and find links to helpful sites with all the information you need.

I would recommend starting with yahoo groups and taking things slow from there. Being trans an important part of your life. A lot of people go through with the SRS surgeries and change their minds after wards and live the rest of their lives miserably because there's no turning back from the point they went to.

If those are your intentions make sure that you know this what you want.

Best Wishes!
Cidney

Answer 4

I don't think your parents are going to disown you. They will love u whoever you are. they might not like the fact that u're going to be a girl, but that doesn't mean that they won't love u anymore. And don't even think what other ppl may say. If this is a thing you really want to do, than go on. If we all keep bothering what other ppl might say, than we wouldn't do anything, cuz different ppl have different opinions about different things. For example ppl have different point of views when it comes to sex b4 or after marriage, but that doesn't mean that u shouldn't have sex b4 marriage just cuz some ppl will judge u. it's pretty much the same thing. I think u should begin by showing ppl ur real sexual preferences. so when u have a boyfriend u should present him to everybody. After that it will be much more easy for u to become a girl and for others to accep it. Good Luck!

Answer 5

:( You make me sad. Look at her for who she is. So she's a little thick, she's lost weight, you should be happy for her. I'd say the only way to tell is by her exercise and eating habits. If she doesn't live well, when her metabolism slows down she'll balloon up. But don't worry about that. Love her for who she is NOW. And for her personality, not her body. What are the chances you are going to be with her years down the road, especially is you are so concerned with her body.

Answer 6

Life is the longest thing you'll ever go through. Do you really want to spend any more time in that weird body of a boy?

Answer 7

Just save UP the money and have your self "FIXED" is o.k with me and ALL of mine..... WE DO not care what or who you are....... JUST VOTE Democrat!!! and God Love you!! GO for the Girlie stuff!!! most of you guys look sooooooooo good in the skinny stuff..... Just Know that we love you ANY way you are!!! THE CAJUN

Answer 8

the truth is always the best answer..those that love u for who u r and not what u r will continue 2 do so ....come on n step up 2 it and let them know who u rrr.......

Answer 9

don't tell them you want to become a girl.......just slowly show them little by little.if you tell them right away ,it will shock them so they din't know how to take the news.just slowly show them your true self so they have time to accept and process.if they are your true friends they won't care.j......ust don't throw a bomb at them .....cause it is a litte hard to swallow.

Answer 10

send out a Myspace Bullitian with embedded midi music of dude looks liek a lady by aerosmith..
thats classy