Not able to concentrate on my work. Have had a brief affair with a man. Cant forget him.?

Question

Have been having a troubled marriage. Trying to resolve issues with husband. But as long as I keep thinking abt the other guy, who is happily married, but friendly with me, I won't be able to resolve my marriage issues. Pls advise what should I do.

My marriage is having problems which i am trying to resolve. Husband does not communicate much and has lost interest in
sex. Though he loves me but this half baked marriage is making me very unhappy and depressed. The other man seems to be just the opposite but i know he wont leave his wife/family, nor do i want to break up my marriage. how do i get over this guy? Shld i remain just friends with him as i have grown to be very fond of him despite everything.

Answer 1

Unhappiness is part and parcel of life. Accept it. You can however make matters worse by denying your conscience. You do realise that you are on the threshhold of untold suffering not just for you but for all parties concerned should you decide to deepen or continue the affair. I can understand that the pain of feeling unloved when you are married, is often, if not always unbearable. The answer lies not outside your marriage, but within it. If this notion does not sound inviting to you, your marriage is already threatened. As complicated as it may seem to you, the answer is fairly straightforward. Try improve your communication with your husband. Invite him to cooperate with you on this. Get him to understand your needs and try to rekindle the flames of love that first sparked the relationship towards marriage. Most marriages fail not because of affairs, but rather affairs are symptoms of failing relationships. The grass will always look greener on that other side, when we take for granted the good things we have in life. If you can't get love from the one who promised you love, it is not unnatural to seek it elsewhere. The problem is you have no options which will guarentee the happiness of everyone concerned and you simply cannot rewrite the script.

You sound like a level headed person. Come to terms with fact that you are married and like all marriages work must be put into it to keep it healthy. Trust me no other path is will bring you lasting happiness, however promising it may look. Your friend can't be that good a friend or a husband to his wife, if he condones the affair knowing full well that you are both married.


Does this mean that you should sever the relationship with your friend? No just redefine it. Confess to him that the affair, if it was of a sexual or romantic nature, was a mistake and that you would like to be friends and no more. You may be helping him acknowledge the same. If you can do what he can't, then he is more likely to respect you greatly as you are thinking of his happiness by not threatehing the breakup of his family too. On this new basis alone can you say that you are both truly honouring each other and the friendship.

The priority is to look inward to your relationship with your husband and revive a failing marriage. This now, is your responsibility. Don't underestimate the degree of joy hidden there. Don't give up. Your husband is still the man who loves you and you, his only bride.


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Answer 2

I have been having marriage problems as well and have tried everything to fix it with no results. I have been having an affair since July and at first I thought I could just do it and walk away and continue to live my normal life (unhappy of course) but it didn't work out that way. I have continued to see him and since i've not been caught i'm probably not going to stop either. If it made you happy even if just for a brief momment then why deny yourself the pleasure? just be careful.

Answer 3

It's been almost a year since my husband cheated on me and I can say from personal experience that it's not something easily forgotten, and emotionally for me my world has ended. I still doubt my husbands love despite doing a complete turn around and becoming a great husband now, and I still live with the memories of what he did every day. I don't feel right, or normal, like a piece of me is missing. It will take years to heal, if even possible.

Answer 4

I'm in a similar situation, except mine claims to be unhappy.
Do what I am going to do. Tell the person that he is too dis-
tracting to you and your goal, to work things out with your hus-
band. Advise him to please keep your contact to a minimum.
If he respects your wishes, he respects you.
The only way you'll ever be able to work on your marriage is
if you stay away from him. And remember what you said,
he's happily married. Whether it's happily or not, he'll probably
stay married; why should you risk your possible happiness.

Answer 5

Get over it! Reverse the situation and imagine if your husband was or had done what you had done! Quit justifying it and realize that you need to show some accountablity! I think I am sounding mean here and I am not mean, but I am shocked that you are so me, me, me oriented. Who cares about the other guy! Why weren't you thinking of your husband? I hope you really think about this answer as it is meant to hopefully inspire you to find your husband heart, that is the only way you can save your marriage! Although you may not like this answer and are probably spitting nails at me, I do wish you an honest marriage!

Answer 6

You need to get out of the marriage...if you can't keep your mind off of another man...then your husband is not the man for you....let it go....you deserve to be happy and trust me...you will find someone who will take your mind off of every other man in the world..you said your marriage was troubled already....girl...life is to short....cut your ties and move on...you will be much happier..and who knows..the other guy might not be so "happily married" as you think and if he sees that you are available..who knows what might happen...but don't sit around waiting on him..the right man will come along when you least expect it!!

Answer 7

is this guy with you at work? i mean, are you officemates? if not, i think that lessens the difficulty because you can try harder to divert your full attention while at work on your work. if he is with you in the office, that's harder. But, in the first place, you are married and can;'t express enough how truly you want to save your marriage and that the guy is married. Then, the only solution is for you to focus on the real issue: your marriage. The other guy is your diversion. And you are messing his life as well. Focus on your real issues. Let the guy know that you shouldnt really be intimate or friendly fo as long as you cant handle your emotions well enough. Take it from me.

Answer 8

Then maybe you need to analyze your marriage. Are you truly in love? If your constantly having thoughts about another man yet your married then that clearly states something. I can't go in depth with this issue because I don't know the full story.

Answer 9

Life is short, do what ever things that make yourself happy. A simple solution, to get rid of your sadness is to get a divorce since your marriage is on the rock. Enjoy your happiness with the other guy whether he is married or not. Most important is yourself get happy and joy, that is the first priority.

Answer 10

Do you want the truth or are you looking for someone to make you feel good and fuzzy about your affair? If you seek the truth, tell your husband what you just told the rest of the world. TOGETHER, both of you can make that decision.