I was married 2 years ago now iam with 2 tiny kids.my husband does not care for me and the kids much. always with his friends comes late night does not care and play with the kid even once in a week. and so iam angry with him does not speak a single word with him even for a week. we sleep seperate in diff rooms and no feelings on married life. getting bored of married life. what is my and my kids future as he does not spend even a single paise for the babies and I have to maintain the house and see to all the expenses with my very little salary. what should I do, I do not understand my future.Please Help me.
2006-09-08 19:29:12 · 21 answers · asked by skdquergsh 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You need to get a backbone and get out.
2006-09-08 19:31:59 · answer #1 · answered by tina m 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You seem to be living in India. Was yours an arranged marriage? How many years have passed since you got married? Since when has his attitude changed? Are you both doing job? Most important do some introspection and find out whether YOU HAVE BEEN A NAGGING WIFE!!
The answer could be:
A. He may be going on through depression mild or severe. When one is going through depression he/she forgets her obligations and seeks comforting words outside.
B. As mentioned before, are you a nagging wife? Getting irritated now and then and throwing tantrums often? If so please change your attitude and approach him with love and care, give him confidence and be gentle with him and never get angry with him even under provocation.
C. Do not try to find out if he is having an affair etc. Even if he is having an affair treat him kindly. Let him know that you know he is having an affair and slowly but surely brainwash him that its not good and healthy for the family to have an affair. Make him think of your children. Get him emotionally attached with his children. Indians don't separate and seek divorce at the drop of a hat.
d. Have you two stopped having physical relations totally or you have it once in a while? Find out from him whether he has lost sexual interest in you. Wear attractive clothes, make yourself attractive and to his liking.
e. Do not take any drastic step of seperation etc. Divorce is a filthy affair in India and you will go thourgh such mental trauma that you shall regreat it later.
f. As regards financial aspect take the matter with him and decide how you propose to maintain your family life. Ask him whether he is undergoing any financial problem. If yes, then treat it as your common problem and find solutions.
g. All this takes time. Don't be in a hurry. And, for Gods' sake don't discuss your problems in your office. Men are always in search of such victims like you. They'll offer comforting words and take your advantage.
2006-09-08 19:47:56 · answer #2 · answered by Justanian 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is not your husband any more dear .But yours and the children's room mate and a bad one at that.
IF he is the father of those babies he IS responsible for paying upkeep on those children.
You appear to have a couple of choices here since you already know that the marriage is shot.
One is accept things the way they are for the moment if you are paying the rent on the house then raise his rent start stashing money away for when he moves out ..start enlarging your network of friends and legal services who you will be able to call on if you need help ASAP
.
Two is see a lawyer and find out where you stand in a separation / divorce. your working that's a good thing as the income will come in handy as your going to have to legally fight him for child support
If you can afford to and want him out right now then by all means tell him to leave BUT find out where you stand from a legal POV first ..
Best of Luck to you and the children
2006-09-08 19:46:38 · answer #3 · answered by MrsDave 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are facing some serious problem . first of all not talking to him will not help but will worse the case . start talking to him slowly i mean on little as while seving food or so, and just think when what went wrong try to recollect little pieces may be unknowingly you did or said anything if so then try to confess to him , if there nothing from u then your tension is serious because as you have said he tries to ignore his married life and responsiblities but why ? that is the question which only you or your near ones have to find answer of , is it your job , your sexual relations with each other , your both's friends circle(i said both) i mean some person any one of you dislike and the other one can't , your parents or in-laws , both's way of living may be one of you don't appreciate it . so all these things are to considered but with a cool mind and the one who understands . who can it be except you both or some one who knows you both well and value's to u both . try this and be so much worried about your or kids future it's the next step which you won't be needing . every problem starts with a way hidden itself we just have to find it out , just face it as a riddle , don't get so much emotional because the kids don't know these things so please don't let them realise the mess that is . be brave
2006-09-08 20:14:14 · answer #4 · answered by gunchu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is such an issue no one can help you with but your own husband. For a successful marriage, one needs to keep up with communication. The way you feel should be spoken to with your husband, ask him for assistance as to where the marriage is headed. See what it is that he wants, or how he feels. This is the only way you can save a marriage (if you want). You can not think about leaving him very hastily, you need to remmeber, you have young kids who will be really effected by any haste decisions made. Best of Luck !
2006-09-08 19:33:53 · answer #5 · answered by F 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
fortunately it seems that you are a literate and able to earn some money for ur daily living. just imagine of those females who dont even had their basic education and their drunkard husbands torture them for silly causes and show them hell on the earth. they dont have any other option but to silently mourn for their ill fate. no help from their relatives - no hope - no desires - absolutely they live like a dead soul with live body, they just wait for their life to be ended. i personally observed many of these cases where innocent women were being treated like slaves by their husbands and in-laws. i was so guilty for witnessing this scenes and not able to help them out.
o.k i am coming to ur problem where i noticed that there was no physical torture is narrated in ur letter. it is only a communication gap and day by day the distance between u and him is increasing. reaching late in the night may be due to his work load at his office ? if not (u know very well) it clearly indicates that he is escaping from u and trying to be with u very less time - that means the physical attraction is not existing between u and him. for a woman it is mandate to maintain good physic and charming looks (in case of a good husband) if at all she wanted her better half to be intacted with her. still i am not clearly understand the exact cause of ur problem. u didn't mention ur husband's financial position and his job status, this could help us to assess the grass root reason. one thing is sure that ur husband is wrong he is not upto the mark. it is one's duty to look after his siblings and spouse with utmost care at any cost. i am always surprised and feel kind on that situation which every girl faces once married to a person and left her beloved parents and her sweet home more particular that her personal feelings forever to live with his so called husband - imagine the so heart sqeezing occassion, but here what happens is barbaric cruel and inhumane husbands to feel that the girl is a physical thing like a television and a chair and so on. any way keep efforts my dear, to change that gentleman - be patient for some time, if there is no positive result gain out of your workings then leave him by applying a legal divorce and dont leave the children to him take them with u. i am sure u will lead a good life - best of luck.
2006-09-08 21:40:53 · answer #6 · answered by Mahender R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not a matter of understanding your future, It is a matter of deciding your future, or leting lifedecide it 4 u. Put the focus more on your own wants and needs, For every action, there is a reaction, crerate your own destiny. Try to communicate in other ways, than in the past.Remember not to attack. Try using "I STATEMENTS" I feel neglected when... I think it would be nice if.. and so on and so forth
2006-09-08 19:44:45 · answer #7 · answered by anglbella1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
breaking up is the obvious option but perhaps not the best one considering the stability of the children. i advise trying to get third party counseling for both of you to find out what may be wrong between you two and if there is a possibility of changing for the better. If not then earlier you seperate better for you and the kids.
2006-09-08 19:34:24 · answer #8 · answered by kiran 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Change ur looks to a sexy women, give him a warm welcome, flirt with him, and pleasehim on bad in every menner, all u have to do is create his interest in u, which has been lost somewhere.Just mackover ur self and he will love to stay at home.Changing ur man is not a right solution, every man loose interest in her woman after sometime as she starts ignoring her looks and body and her man's interest for her household jobs.Therefor if u go for other man u will face the same problem in a couple of years, then? will u keep changing?
2006-09-08 19:41:37 · answer #9 · answered by Ashok 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
...can u try to speak 2 ur husband...u hav the right to get some answers...
Get checked ur not suffering from postnatal depression bcus i knew a friend who went thru similiar situation as u...this hasn't happened over one night...it sounds like u r having a very tough time coping on ur own.
Be assertive and demand ur rights...u hav his two kids.
Don't make quick decisions without good support from others..
He should not treat u like this bcus u r equal to him...u r his partner...i knw men are seen as the leaders...but in this world today...women do put in alot and we don't get appreciated.
Don't be another number in the statistics and suffer in silence....be strong and face ur emotions...
I hpe this helps and good luck!
2006-09-08 22:56:02 · answer #10 · answered by snowflake 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
speaking from experience i will tell you that if you feel you are doing all the work and taking care of the kids and house and bills you might as well be a single parent i am and i and my kids are doing fine. dont let it worry you about what kind of relationship he has with the kids. the kids will in time develop thier own opinion of him and make up their own minds about being involved with him
you can make it as a single parent i am.
2006-09-08 19:38:00 · answer #11 · answered by da 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋