So im a good looking guy, i was in the army now in the gov't, make ok money. im very romantic, touchy feely, love to kiss. We been married for 2 years and at 1st we had sex like 3 times a day and now its like 1 a month. I am in shape, have noce body good looks, and sometimes it makes me feel nasty when she doesnt wasnt me and i know other girls out there would do me etc. I love her and i have never slept with another girl since i met her. I never caught her cheating but i dont know. She is not into 4play either, i love receivng and giving and i never get it. 5 times total in that department. She isnt a sexual chick but this is hard. i am online sometimes looking for a HJ or somethin because we never do it anymore.
2006-09-08 18:57:52 · 28 answers · asked by sirsayer21 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like she needs you to meet some emotional needs. I am a wife of 5 years with a toddler and I really don't feel like it very often but I usually fullfill my hubby at least every 3 days or every other day even if I am not in the mood. This is a stretch for me but I don't want him to look elsewhere. I know he doesn't always fill my emotional needs but I do love him.
You can't look at this like a "I make good money and I am attractive" situation...in a marriage that is just a given (we married you because we love you, you can offer stability and we find you attractive). Therefore, we have emotional needs that need addressing. How she feels about herself, how she is being treated by the outside world, if she feels used by you in some way, if you are letting your family get in the way by not stepping up and supporting her, has something happened between the two of you in the past that she can't get over and things like that.
Just have a heart to heart with her and don't make it about sex but about being close to her. Do not bring sex up as a reason at all. If you still can't get her to open up, you might bring up counseling as a means of getting closer to her and wanting to understand and love her in the best way possible.
Good luck and I hope more hubbies would have so much love for their wives that they would ask this question before giving up. Oh and also...some medical problems can effect sexual function too.
2006-09-08 19:49:45 · answer #1 · answered by chrissy757 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe her idea of foreplay is very different than yours. Do you make her feel appreciated outside of the bedroom. Do you help her get everything else done so that her focus is not on many things at once. We women are wired differently. If you talk to her about it, do not make it about how she doesn't want sex - but let her know that you love her and that you worry that she is not attracted to you. She may already feel nervous and pressured about sex since she's probably noticed the problem. It's very easy for us women to get turned off from sex if there are other tensions. It's not something we are conciously doing, it just happens sometimes.
Foreplay: do the dishes, vacuum the house, put the kids to bed and help her have a bubble bath, back rub, whatever she enjoys without any hint or expectation of receiving anything in return. Do that a few times, then cuddle, and see if it doesn't go somewhere...
These things happen in marriage, different seasons and all, just don't let it go on too long, and don't seek sexual pleasure outside of your marriage (including internet porn) just think how that would make your wife feel to know.
2006-09-08 19:11:04 · answer #2 · answered by happymom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would see if she would go to the doctor's as this could be a hormonal or have physical cause. I would think about what was happening when this interest of sex for her begin to fade!
Think hard, as there maybe a contributing factor! I would talk to her let her know that this is concerning you and that you aren't sure what to do with this? Tell her how much you enjoyed the intimacy and expression of love and that you want to work on it! Ask her is there is something you can do or someway you can help! She could be afraid of pregnancy, maybe get her to work on expressing if there is more you could do to entice her. I wouldn't go online for sex I would however do what I could to get her to work on this with you. I would tell her how you feel and explain to her that it is like shutting down communication and you aren't willing to except that~There are many ways people communicate. Hope it helps!Good luck!
2006-09-08 19:05:05 · answer #3 · answered by Cheryl K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a look back to when the sex stopped. What happened or changed? This just doesn't just happen over night. Do you have kids? Sometimes being unhappy in other things like your job, family matters, will make a person feel unrespondsive. Don't give up. Talk Talk Talk.
2006-09-08 19:20:53 · answer #4 · answered by soozeeq 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like clinical depression. talk to her about it. maybe she needs anti-depressants.
i don't think it has anything to do with you- i mean, she did used to have sex with you three times a day.
understand that once the anti-depressants kick in and all that 3 times a day on a regular basis is a little excessive for people in a long-time monogamous relationship (or marriage, in your case). don't burn yourselves out. do you two have anything in common besides sex? do you talk? a relationship isn't just sex, you know.
and whatever a HJ is (prostitute, hooker, stripper?), don't go looking for it. if you aren't going to be faithful, you might as well get a divorce now and save the poor woman the grief of you being a loser, cheater husband. a relationship without trust is no relationship at all.
2006-09-08 19:17:09 · answer #5 · answered by miss advice 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now would be a good time to start communicating with her. Has she been under a lot of stress lately? Is she depressed about something u don't know about. Does she have some kind of physical problem? I don't know,,,it's a bit strange but the worst thing u can do is to do nothing about it so...start finding out the cause.
2006-09-08 19:11:58 · answer #6 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG-this is crazy! My guess is she has no sex drive or she is having sex with someone else-maybe you just need to find out what she wants-I don't know-but i have never told my fiance no, and he knows that he IS a lucky man to have a girl that wants it as much as, if not more than he does-he knows if he is asking for it, he will get some, so I really don't know what to say man! Just ask her flat out-or maybe you guys should go talk to a sex therapist and find out what is going on here!
2006-09-08 19:44:47 · answer #7 · answered by SuzyBelle04 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All women love sex even if it isnt quite as often as WE want it. If she has gained weight and doesnt fell good about herself than she may avoid it. If not she has another lover. Investigate-but don't get worked up because it may not be the case. Once a month is really, really bad and quite unusual.
2006-09-08 19:03:06 · answer #8 · answered by Ned B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I can tell you that there is absolutely no solution to your problem. She could not be attracted to you for any number of reasons, but the fact is that she isn't attracted to you. My only advice is to create a time machine and figure this out BEFORE you married this girl. Military guys tend to jump in too quickly. Good luck!
2006-09-08 19:02:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my exgf went through the same thing she went to the doctor and he said quite a few women lose thier sex drive. the body stops making a chemical which effects the sex drive. he gave her some medication and she got her drive back and then some. he said this is pretty common
2006-09-08 19:51:09 · answer #10 · answered by jesse james 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋