I am currently separated from my husband of 13 years. We've been apart for 2 years. Recently we've been trying to work things out but I'm not 100% sure about this whole thing. We've been struggling with our marriage for 10 years. Anyways, I went out tonight with a gf to watch a friend of mine play drums in his band. I've kinda had a crush on him and tonight I found out he's been asking my gf about me and she told him I was getting back with my ex. She never told me he was interested in me however I always picked up on his vibe. He was always touching me, smiling at me and tonight he acted a lot different. I guess my dilemma is I really don't want to go back wit h my ex when I seem to be interested in everyone but him. I keep running into these great guys but I'm still tyed to the ex even though I don't wanna be so I never get a chance with these guys. What should I do?
2006-09-08 18:45:25 · 24 answers · asked by ooolala 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Eh', well it may seem more convenient to just try out new guys and your ex at the same time, but I hope you don't. It comes down to choosing. Now, you say the two of you have been having problems for ten years and separated for two? I hate to discourage a couple from trying to work things out, but maybe it's time to put that on hold and explore other options? Then on the other side of things if you two have been working real hard at getting things 'right' then maybe now isn't the best time to put some space between the two of you. It's time to make a choice and just go with it. Do you 'really' think you can be happy with your ex? I'm sure you'd like to be as you two seem to have tried working things out quite a bit, but when it comes down to it do you really believe it'll happen? If not, then just tell him you want a little space for now. You don't need to explain why, just try being your own person for a while. And by 'for a while', I don't mean a couple weeks. I mean a couple of months minimum. See what kind of guys you find out there? Go check out the drummer.
2006-09-08 18:49:53 · answer #1 · answered by Olivia B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
helllooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! wake up my friend. What u r expriencing are signs. U said so yourself, after 10 years it was going crappy. Let the pass stay in the pass. People do not walk backwards people walk forward. Too bad so sad it is his lost. Before you wanted to get back with him because you might of thought that there could be no one else, but once you are out there it is a whole new ballgame. My advice to you, do not get serious with anyone and start to enjoy your life and make as many friends as possible male or females. Commitment is so unpredictable. Be your own boss. Just remember to be safe and do not become a party animal, just live your life freely, relationships aren't all that if you are the only one who seems to care. Why put yourself through that. If it is not the drummer dude than it will be someone else but take your time. Your ex should not even be in the picture. Only if you have kids, and even then you do not have to see him.
2006-09-09 12:54:57 · answer #2 · answered by delapazluz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you probably have a co-dependency problem....don't think I am being mean because I have the same problem. Luckily, I have married a great man with some issues but don't we all.
You are afraid of being alone and will cling to any man that could keep you from being alone. Your ex is a crutch, someone that you have been with before and can help you feel somewhat normal when you are alone. You need to let him go and get some counseling, so you can have normal relationships...chances are you are only what the person you are with thinks you are and sadly that goes away when you are in a relationship. It's important to know what you are worth being alone and understand that you are still a wonderful person before you can be in a relationship and stop expecting to be desired more than anything. A truly loving relationship is knowing all of your faults and their faults and being able to live with it for the rest of your life. Good luck to you and the rest of us.
2006-09-09 03:00:48 · answer #3 · answered by chrissy757 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the question u have to ask ureself is do u really love ure ex husband?u say u dont want to get back to ur earlier life.tell me,is it because of u or him.listen,have u heard the saying "grass always looks greener on the other side".its just that.u say u meet up all great guys.thats not true.its just like the saying.lilking some person and loving him are two very different things.ure ex is trying to bring ure relationship bck.that means he loves u very much.u should be lucky to get a husband like him.i think u dont want to be with him,for such silly reasons.wen u loose him forever ul cry for him and repent everyday.so pls think..thank uu
2006-09-09 01:56:31 · answer #4 · answered by micheal f 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Untie the knot between you and your ex, and get on with your life. If you have been apart for two years, it's over.........I guarentee he hasn't been sitting back waiting on you to come back dear........he's just playing you for a fool. I was married for 22 years the first time, I know what you are going through......it isn't easy, but you have to let your ex go away......your life can't start back up without a closure of some sort with him.......it might be hard at first, but "down the road", time will heal all the pain, I assure you dear. By the way.....I found my 2nd wife and we have been married now for going on 11 years. Believe me........it's alot better dear, the second time around!!!!
2006-09-09 02:08:01 · answer #5 · answered by nitrogenic2003 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First be mindful that you are still married, regardless of what's going on between you and your husband. You say, the marriage has been tough the last 10 years. Do you really believe things can work out and want a fresh start with your husband, and are you still in love with him?
Moving along to this guy. Please know, the grass always looks greener on the other side. You may find yourself in a situation where you have jumped out of the skillet and into the frying pan.
Personally, you need this time to sort things out, and decide what you want to do with the rest of your life. You still have the baggage of your marriage, regardless, if you have intentions on working things out with your husband or not. You need this time to learn who you are, learn what you want, and deal with the issues you are facing now, and while married. It wouldn't be fair to the next man you get involved with due to you not completely unpacking your luggage. Honestly, I believe...just my opinion..You are just looking for a quick fix and may be one of those that feel like she has to have a man in her life. Know that no one can make you happy but yourself and not one can complete you but you. Get your ducks in a row first...
2006-09-09 02:06:09 · answer #6 · answered by WhatEVER27 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to decide once and for all if there is a chance of fixing things with your X or not. if not than you need to cut all communication with him... all those years together wont disappear over night but if you really want to move on you have to be tough and cut him out. Its okay to date other people, it doesnt mean your getting into anything serious again, just see how you feel on a casual date, but dont do it until your ready and if you do go on a date... dont talk about your X. if they ask keep the explanation short.( we started out good but then things just didnt work out. ) that should be enough. when you go out just have fun... and dont think much more about it.
2006-09-09 01:52:21 · answer #7 · answered by puertoricout 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're not committed to working things out with your ex. Not that there's anything wrong with that; you are separated, after all. But if you're not committed, then you won't be able to work things out well enough to get back to gether. Simple fact. It'll take more effort than you'll be able to put in.
Plus, you're interested in all these other guys - effectively you're ready to head off and get dating and have a wonderful time. I think it's probably time that you put your ex out of his misery. You're only prolonging the pain by trying for a reconciliation without the commitment to see it through. Tell your ex that it's not going to work out and that he needs to forget it.
Then you're free to date all the drummers you like!
2006-09-09 01:51:22 · answer #8 · answered by Chasiufan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what you both husband and wife are doing for the past 13 years. you still have the interest to your husband only. instead of enter in to a new relationship better to reconcile with your ex husband , but your love must be tough. if both of you (u and ex) were not had any extra marital affairs before , you can freshly start your life at the altar of GOD. FORGIVE each other like how god has forgiven you.
2006-09-09 01:55:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You live one life.
How you live it is up to you. If you are miserable, you need to stop and think of a way to change the source of your misery.
Life is too short to not be happy.
If your ex does not make you happy and you are thinking about being with other guys, you need to move on. For yourself and for his benefit as well.
Usually if one is miserable in a relationship, both are.
No need to waste away your days with someone you don't want to be with.
The change has to start with you.
You have to be strong and brave enough to take a chance to do something different.
We all get in comfort zones and they are hard to get out of.
But you deserve to be happy.
Everyone does.
I hope all works out for the best.
Good luck in your decisions.
2006-09-09 01:51:19 · answer #10 · answered by Kayak_Girl_2006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋