Any other ladies out there that can't stand children? No maternal instinct?

Question

Sometimes I feel it is so condescending that women should think children are "cute" or so fascinating. For ex., at work, when someone brings a baby in, usually the guys just stay working or smile or wave or something, but the women drop whatever they are doing & turn into 12 year olds and start shreiking "oh my god, he's sooooooooo cute,", "look at his toes, oh my god," etc.


I wish them no harm of course, but I just can't stand to be around them. The screaming, the crying etc. Very sensitive to noise....

Answer 1

i used to feel like that b4 i had my own kids. i felt that kids would just stare at me as if i was an alien lifeform or something. it was kinda creepy. i would also run from the room or excuse myself if there were kids around. also i never saw any reason to carry on over a baby or a kid.

i kinda grew up through and the "maternal instinct" which i thought was hidden or missing, poped out.

then my girls came along 3 years ago and since then i kinda did a 360. i love both of them more than anything in the world. my ex turned into a jerk, however that was about the best thing in my life at the time.

since then, ive met the greatest guy in the world and have had a few more kids.

now i think all kids r super cute.

Answer 2

I wouldn't say I can't stand children; actually I like them. My problem is that I don't have a lot of patience with kids and they can get on my nerves if they misbehave and their parents have no control or discipline over them. Actually, sometimes I think the kids are in charge.

I guess I would have to say "No" I don't have the maternal instinct. I've never wanted children and have no regrets (at least so far, and I'm now in my fifties). I don't know if my not wanting children is a result of a somewhat painful childhood, or because my parents always seemed to be on the verge of divorce but stayed together for the "sake of the children", or whatever. I remember, at times, my mother saying to me (as I'm sure many mothers have to their daughters), wait until you have kids of your own. And I would reply that I had no intention of having children and knowing when I said it that I really meant it.

I know what you mean about how some women go "gaga' over babies. I like babies - it's the way some women carry on that annoys me. And some women after they have kids, that's all they talk about, their kids.

Also, I don't believe that all women who have babies necesarily have the maternal instinct. A lot of women get pregnant and have babies for all the wrong reasons. As we all know some women get pregnant on purpose, to get their man, hoping marriage will follow. Some women who have an unhappy marriage or marital problems, think that having a child will save or fix their marriage. Some women need to have a child to fullfill a void within themselves.

I know a lot of wonderful mothers, by the way; women who definetly do have the maternal instinct, some of them who seem born to be mothers.

Answer 3

I'm 38 and can't stand children, especially babies. I also don't understand how anyone can think they're cute. Puppies and kittens make me melt into a puddle of goo, but human babies leave me cold, especially when you factor in the drool, the puking and the screaming. Yuck.

I didn't play with baby dolls when I was little, and never understood the attraction. I avoided babysitting when I was a teenager, although I got roped into being a teacher's assistant at Vacation Bible School and some other stuff for several summers. Still couldn't stand the children. When my husband and I started dating, the first thing we discussed was that neither of us wanted children, and how we'd go about getting me an abortion if I got pregnant. My FIL remarried and he and his new wife had multiple children. Spending time with them and seeing how they impacted their parents' lives made me realize I never, under any circumstances, wanted a child. Both my husband and I became paranoid about pregnancy, to the point where I got a tubal ligation at the age of 28. It was the best decision we made. I have a niece and nephew who I love dearly (especially since they live 400 miles away and I can be their crazy long-distance aunt), but having children isn't for me. I'm in a bit of an awkward situation at work because one woman just had a baby, one is due any day now and the boss's wife is due next week, and everyone brings their kids in all the time. It's annoying. Once I make it through my probation period and get enough experience I plan to try and transfer to another department because I'm sick of hiding in my office and trying to get my work done while my co-workers all coo over the screaming baby (soon to be babies).

Like I said, it helps that my husband agrees 100% with me. Seeing his dad with the new kids cemented his decision to remain without children. We're celebrating 19 years together in a few months, which is pretty good. I think making the decision and saying it out loud helped us.

BTW, people like us are generally referred to as "childfree". The childfree movement has its fringe wackos, like any other group, but there are some fighting for equal rights in the workplace and more respect for those of us without children. You might check out some childfree resources, like these:

http://community.livejournal.com/childfree/profile
http://www.childfree.net/
http://www.happilychildfree.com/
http://www.childfree.com.au/
http://www.nokidding.net/

Answer 4

I hope you like hornets better than you like babies, cuz lady you just disturbed a bees nest. Should you ever have a baby, you can bet this will come back and bite you in the @$$. Which is it you have the biggest problem with? the babies or the woman? Babies are a gift from above even when people say 'oh how cute, and it really isn't. But to ooo and aah over a baby is and automatic instinct with women, Men think it, just don't react the same way. If you have a lot of 'infant' visitors and a herd of 'ooooo'ers where you work, invest in some high quality earplugs to carry with you where ever you go, and then anytime you see a baby, plug your ears before the crowd comes around.

Answer 5

Heck, yeah! When they were handing out the maternal instinct, I got the wrapper. Kittens? Puppies? Cutest things in the world. But when the new moms do the obligatory baby show-off at work my only thought is, "I can't imagine being shackled to a whiny bundle of need that can't be reasoned with." When they bring the babies in, I stay away because the squealing gives me a headache.

Do I hate babies? No. You have to care about something to hate it. For those people who have/want them, I hope their children bring them joy. But I am tired of being treated like a freak because my plans for my life do not include children and I've taken steps to ensure that my plans are not sidetracked.

As a sidenote, it's interesting to see the number of bingoes you've gotten from parents! If you're not familiar with "bingoing," see http://www.happilychildfree.com/bingo.htm as mentioned above and click on "Breeder Bingo" cards..

Answer 6

I am planning a baby, need it, but I don't have anything like a maternal instinct. Nothing is wrong with you. I don't even know who invented the term "maternal instinct". And why. This is just the fact that we usually take care a bout our kids. But every mother in the world experienced, at least once in her life, that it looks like she is going mad because of her two-three cute little monsters :)

Answer 7

I completely agree. We have had what feels like a million pregnancies where I work and they are now bringing in the prams. I'm so tempted just to say 'so you know who the father is?' and walk away.

I had a tubal ligation when I was 28... no maternal instinct.

Answer 8

More than you know.

SOme of them are Highly Sensitive People (see reference) and some are only-children or women who for whatever reason hated benig a girl. Some are spiritual people who thrive on adult company. Some are intellectuals.

Answer 9

I felt the same way - until I had one. Now, I love my little boy more than anything in the world, and now I'm one of those screaming, doting 12 years olds in the office too.

Answer 10

I avoid the baby-at-work situation at all costs. Closed doors, sudden meetings, whatever.

The odd thing is that I have a maternal instinct.