My hubby always tells people(usually his family)that I said they told me things they didn't.He does it at family gatherings,his family probably thinks I'm a liar.We'll argue in front of them about whether I said it or not until someone changes the subject....leaving me feeling akward and like the "odd one out" which I already do 'cause I'm the only black person there.Later on,he'll admit That his memory's bad or that he was confused and I didn't say it .This happens so often,I'm beginning to speculate whether or not this behavior is purposeful.....Why would he want to make me look like a liar in front of my in laws??
2006-09-08 16:39:40 · 15 answers · asked by Direktor 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why don't you have a quiet word with your in laws on your own and ask them why he does it and if it was a problem when he was a child. You might be surprised by the answer.
2006-09-08 16:46:21 · answer #1 · answered by Bob Bob 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I take it you're in an interracial relationship? (I know what you mean about being the only different person at these functions... except it's the opposite for me... I'm the only white person when I'm with my bf's family. lol).
Anyhoot, your husband is being a real a'hole and treating you like crap. There's no excuse for his behavior, so I won't make one for him. You need to tell him that you will no longer accept his behavior and you will not go to these family functions any longer. Sure, he'll give you a guilt trip, but since he's already lying now, you not going isn't going to look any worse. If he doesn't shape up, I'd seriously consider shipping out if I were you. Do you know if his family is racist? I'm asking because maybe he says that stuff because he wants to appeal to their belief that black people are a certain "way".
Anyhoot, definately talk to him and stop going to these functions. The family obviously doesn't respect you. I think how he treats you is disgusting.
2006-09-08 16:45:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is saying those things b/c that is how he really feels about them but don't want to say so using you as an cover to say it and have people think that you said it...
In any event he is your husband I guess he needs to see a Dr b/c why would someone that you are married to you would lie and have his family thinking bad things about you for no reason
I would speak to him about it b/c soon or later it will cause some serious problems in the in law side and with your husband and if you really want to be with talk to one of his family members that you are close with to see what they really think of him maybe they think he is an ***
but don't put yourself in a situation where is family is going to start hating you and what if you get pregnant and have children how would they treat your children if he is lying on you
GOOD LUCK HONEY
2006-09-08 16:51:27 · answer #3 · answered by Tee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is he also paranoid? He could have some kind of memory thing and be very proud, too proud to admit he did not remember right. So the more you say you didn't say it, the more it strikes his confused mind that no no no that can't be....
It's a possibility. Maybe he should see a doctor.
Either way, this is not a good development for you.
2006-09-08 16:44:27 · answer #4 · answered by *babydoll* 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion it sounds like he's doing it in purpose and seems to want to belittle u in front of his family. And it really doesn't matter what his motivations are. The fact that he's doing this to u means he's disrespecting u in front of them and u have got to put a stop to it. Tell him how it makes u feel and if he continues to do this then perhaps u should have a word with his family in private and let them know what's up.
2006-09-08 17:11:31 · answer #5 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trying to overcome his own insecurities by destroying your self esteem. Ask yourself-would you be better off with him or without him.
OR maybe his memory really is going bad. Senility or Alzheimer's setting in at an early age? You didn't mention his age so I'm just guessing about "early onset"
Keep your chin up and stay positive. Will he see a doctor about his memory? Will he go to marrriage counselor to stop the mental abuse he's guilty of? Good luck to you.
2006-09-08 16:51:16 · answer #6 · answered by conetoe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For some reason it does sound like he is trying to make you look bad in front of his family. Why only he knows. I would put my foot down. Tell him if he exhibits this type of behavior again when you go to his famlies. That next time you will be staying home and he can go alone.
2006-09-08 16:49:15 · answer #7 · answered by cin_ann_43 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is flaunting his control capabilities and if he denies it to you once everyone is gone.....there's the clue. Does he only do it around his peers? How are his actions if around your circle of friends/family. People tend to act differently in different groups so I think you should both talk it over calmly and mabe seek marriage counseling. He may need someone else to point out any insecurity issues he may be having.
2006-09-08 16:47:55 · answer #8 · answered by onecharliecat 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sorry to say this but IT SEEMS he is doing all this on purpose...but anyhow i cant be sure and pass a judgement without being thr...so you shld knw better...how is his behavior towards you at other times..is he always nice and sometimes bad??? is he always forgetful or show poor memory...if that's the case then he needs to see an specialist...
anyhow, i wud suggest you not to react the next time he does it...just ignore him and act deaf...see how he reacts
2006-09-08 16:47:58 · answer #9 · answered by roddur 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like a control problem that he has with you.......I would tell him that this behavior is breaking the two of you apart and he needs to fess up to his family that he was the one that was in the wrong............
2006-09-08 16:42:03 · answer #10 · answered by mizzzzthang 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋