I've been married Ten years, with him 13. We've had a bumpy but faithful and loving marraige. W ehave 2 great kids. But he says he feels that I think he's a loser and that i settled for him. I never give that indication. I don't know what to say anymore. I can give advice to anyone but myself.
2006-09-08 16:38:41 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've told him every day I've been with him. We always tell eachother. He has a low esteem of himself but blames me for what he feels. I don't insult him or do all those immature things like name calling. But still he thinks this way after 13 years together. Haven't I been patient?
2006-09-08 16:42:59 · update #1
Lay off the criticizing him. Sex 3 times a week. YOU initiate for a change! The way to a man's heart is his stomach. Every time you get mad at him, think what you'd do if he had terminal cancer. Do now what you'll regret you didn't do while you still have a chance. That about sums it up. Good luck.
2006-09-08 16:46:44 · answer #1 · answered by nitr0bike 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My hubby had low self esteem when I met him, he still does to a certain extent. I have more friends than he does, I have a good relationship with my family and he has no realtionship with his, I make more money, etc. However, I've told my husband from the beginning, I wouldn't be with him if he was a loser. I told him that I love him and tell him everyday. But, if he ever starts to get that "you don't love me" or "you could have someone better" attitude, I tell him to grow up and stop questioning our love. Tell your husband that if he acts like a loser and keeps telling you that he's a loser, then you will start thinking that way.
2006-09-08 23:56:58 · answer #2 · answered by cowgirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is obviously having self-esteem issues. Find out where the problem really is. Perhaps something happened at work that has him doubting everything else. Just encourage him by letting him know how much he means to you and your family. Stay positive. Add a little sparkle by sending the kids on an overnighter and plan a romantic evening for just the two of you. He'll snap out of it.
2006-09-08 23:43:24 · answer #3 · answered by Emm 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds more like HE thinks he's a loser to me... Ask him to open up to you and tell you exactly why he feels that way - give specific examples, etc...
Sounds like the 2 of you may need to get away (local hotel) for the weekend (babysitter) and have a heart-to-heart, maybe even a good fight to clear the air... It sounds to me like possibly both of you are being dishonest with each other with the best of intentions: To not hurt the other's feelings...
Have you considered counseling...?
2006-09-08 23:53:16 · answer #4 · answered by KnowhereMan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's obviousley going through something right now and is down on himself. Maybe you should suprise him with a special treat. Get a baby sitter and get away and show him how much he means to you. Kind of how it was before the kids came along.
2006-09-08 23:44:47 · answer #5 · answered by De Expert 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hes being a bit of a baby here dont you think? If youve been together 13 yrs and hes still got some kind of security issues then you cant say anything that will help him. He needs prozac or knocked on his azz.
2006-09-08 23:44:46 · answer #6 · answered by Johnny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's his problem and insecurities sweetie, not yours! He is feeling down and depressed on himself and you can encourage him only so far. Stay positive and don't blame yourself hun! It will get better when he is confident in himself. Does he have any hobbies or something he can be proud to be a part of? Good luck.
2006-09-08 23:44:04 · answer #7 · answered by LNZ 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would suggest couples therapy. Chances are, he thinks you think he's a loser, because he is feeling insecure or unhappy about himself and is projecting that onto you. For whatever reason, it seems that he thinks you should see him as a loser, so he acts as if you.
2006-09-08 23:42:56 · answer #8 · answered by curious 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Invite some girlfriends over for some "girl girl action" and let him help out.
Then tell him this is only for you honey!
He will love you forever..
2006-09-08 23:41:28 · answer #9 · answered by Richardnoggin 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he just wants to hear you build him up. Next time he says something stupid like that, tell him to cry to his mother or someone. don't encourage him by baby'n him
2006-09-08 23:42:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋