I'm afraid I might be falling out of love with my wife of 20 years. Can anyone help me to figure out why?

Question

The thing is, she's changed a lot in the last 2 years. She's gotten very hateful towards me and calls me names all the time. But other times she's very nice to me. She tells me she loves me, but I have to wonder. I try to let it go, but she does hurt my feelings quite often. I've even had friends tell me I need to get out, but truthfully, I'm afraid to. Does anyone have any advice that might be helpful? Thank you for taking the time to write!

Answer 1

i was with a man for 20 years and the last 2 years i started getting hateful towards him was because he lied he cheated he was lazy he spent no time with me or my kids and didnt pay any bills then had a drug problem he disappeared all the time and it killed me
why deep down i loved the man i married a hard worker a father and wonderful husband who is now gone
and when i tried to show my husband i loved him he was a butt
to me and id get upset over his actions, lies or whatever and lash out with names i wanted him to love me unconditonally as much as he loved everything else he put before me and my kids i was hurting inside but i really did love him deep down i know my husband was in there just he was druggieng up and it made me angry too
i hated when hed let me down or treat me bad
in the last year of being alone i have changed i decided if he loved me hed treat me better and you know what he lived in a motel got fired from his job and now lives with him mom doesnt pay child support
so i feel my actions were justified
the mear thought you saying your falling out of love says you have all ready started distancing yourself from her
why is she hateful to you
and dont think no reason there is always a reason !

Answer 2

Perhaps she's going through menopause? Or, perhaps she feels a bit insecure and YOU may have contributed somehow to that? Or, she needs a vacation away from everyday responsibilities, alone with you somewhere outside of your/her normal environment?

Consider that she's edgy because her hormonal imbalances brought about by factors not in her control, and she needs more of your support than before, and she just might feel a bit depressed that she has not accomplished things she feels she should've. Or, she might just need to be away with you and be free of responsibilities. Take her on an extended weekend somewhere where it will be just you and her alone to relax by a pool side, have a few drinks, go dancing and "fool around" at any time or hour the mood strikes... hey, give her a break, she's shared 20 years of your life and has made many sacrifices that you aren't even aware of. Be the man and step up to the plate and consider her feelings (not to say that yours are not being considered... but in helping HER, you'll be helping YOUR situation, too). If that doesn't help, hey, consider matrimonial counseling or therapy. But, one thing is for sure, get out every two or three weeks alone with her and squeeze her butt and be playful and show her that you care for her... women (and us, too) need that, too. Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 3

Maybe shes upset about something. Or has been for a while. If you've been married for 20 years 1) did you have children who are all grown up and have moved out in the last 2 years 2) in the last 2 years has your wife been going threw menopause 3) has anyone extremely close to her passed and shes just not greiving. Have you tried talking to her to find out what the problem is? Maybe shes needs counsling. If you love her convince her that it's okay and that there's nothing wrong w/ it. Make sure she knows exactly how you feel. Good luck.

Answer 4

You sound so caring. Try to wow her over with compliments. Tell her she has a pretty smile. Or you had fun last night when she made you laugh. Let her know that she is an important person in her life. She is probably having a tough time in her life. She would really benefit from you showering her with a sincere hug or to gently hold her hand while sitting beside her on the couch. The more you do this, she will start to soften and realize how lucky she is to have such a caring man who will support her in times of happiness and also times of not-so fun times. I think this will rekindle her spark and your reward will be a constant growth in respect and honesty. Prayers also help.

Answer 5

Its called the inverse spiral been there and done that have the t-shirt. Okay, I tried the individual counselor thinking that I must be doing something wrong. Asked her to go to therapy but she refused. Then after three years I gave up but stayed for the kids. She wanted her freedom and control but I couldn't continue to be that unhappy and filed for divorce. But out of the number of books and counselors the one thing that helped me to make the decision was doing a time-line of the marriage and it was the first time in years that showed a pattern of two people living together but not together as man and wife. Good luck

Answer 6

She could be starting menopause. Some women start early...and it is a little like going insane. She may have a hormone or chemical imbalance. If this is recent behavior...something is triggering it. Get help, but approach her in a non threatening way...she does not want you to think she is crazy, but tell her you really love her a lot and you can't understand what is going on.

Answer 7

I instruct English and that i ought to assert i've got been on the different factor of this occasion, rather, extra circumstances than i ought to count variety. As i instruct esl, i've got had pupils ranging later on of youthful teenagers to people of 70plus. coaching is a place of have faith which could by no skill be violated, in any way shape or style. nonetheless your instructor might ok sense as you do, it is going to no longer circulate any further than that of a student/instructor relationship, whether the two certainly one of you're consenting adults. besides the undeniable fact that i don't comprehend your very own circumstances, my advice could be to attend till you graduate or he takes yet another place someplace else. no longer something till then, heed the words of Sting you should!.. carry in there & stable luck.

Answer 8

What kind of communication do you two have. Sounds like you could REALLY benefit from some weekly date nights, some weekly one on one talks and some counselling. Good for you that you are analyzing your feelings. God bless you and may the LORD rekindle the flame and restore the peace in your marriage.
P.S. Lots of good books and audio books on the matter - free at your local library.

Answer 9

First of all maybe she needs to see a doctor,her hormones might be out of whack and need to be on something,work with this be for you make any decisions on leaving,and to we all get tied up in the day to day things and not say what we should to each other and get out have fun,try taking her out on dates and surprise her with favorite places,put spark by in your marriage,do what you have to do to make it work,you have 20 with each other,think back to what made you fall in love with her in the first place and go from there.

Answer 10

I tihnk it is time to sit your wife down and explain to her what your feeling and why your feeling this way. I think some women will do anything sometimes to get a reaction. She may be feeling neglected and trying to get a reaction from you, even a negative one is better than none for some women. She needs to know how painful it is for you and that you dont intend on tolerating it. We all have our breaking points. You deserve to be treated better.