my husband asked to get some time off, i wanted to die, he wanted to go out and hang out with his friends, i couldnt take it, i keep trying to work things out with him, but he would always say no, i put up with this situation for 4 months i lowered myself and begged so many times to work our relationship out and he would just say no, it was too much for me, my head would drive me crazy with thoughts of him cheating, so i decide it to move to my moms its been 2 1/2 weeks and i feel he only calls to make love (sex) he doesnt even ask for his girls, i love him a lot but i hate putting myself this low i know it, and i need to respect myselft b4 anyone else can. i love him a lot and i think that if i still be we him i still have a chance with him to work things out.
2006-09-08 15:25:02 · 16 answers · asked by why 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you have begged to much! you should let him come to you now! if he wants to work things out then let him come to you!
2006-09-08 15:28:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, first of all, you can never make a relationship work by yourself. It has to be what both of you want. I know you want this so bad, but your husband doesn't. Just give him his space. As long as he feels that he can pick up where he left off with you when he is ready, he will tag you along. Go about your life without him. Call him only if you need something for the kids that you can't supply. If he ask for sex, tell him no because you refuse to be a part time wife or lover(its either all or nothing at all). Never let a man have part of you if he don't want all of you. He is taking you fro granted and enjoying every bit of it because he know you're not going anywhere. Trust me!! If you do this, he will act right if he wants his family. If not, put him on child support aand move on to the next fish in the sea. Stop lowering your standards and make him lower his.
2006-09-08 22:41:05 · answer #2 · answered by Ms.shauncy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do yourself a huge favor and the next time he calls tell him no. Your making it very easy for him to have his cake and eat it. It is almost impossible to respect someone that does not respect themselves. Your husband is treating you like a doormat because you are allowing it. You have set the tone for the whole relationship. You let him do whatever it is he wants and he knows no matter what you will put up with it. It's time to take your life back. You cant control what he is going to do, but you sure as heck can control how you are going to respond to it. Dont allow yourself to be used, tell him no to the sex. When he calls tell him you have plans and no time to talk. If he sees you moving on with your life and not sitting there pining away for him maybe he with think about more than himself for a moment.
2006-09-08 22:30:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Repeat after me: "I deserve better." Because you do. It's already over, honey, and hanging on will only make things worse for you AND your girls. Most of the time, in these situations, you don't LOVE him so much as you're afraid to be alone. If you move on, you have the chance at finding some much more real and lasting for yourself and your daughters.
2006-09-08 22:30:38 · answer #4 · answered by Discotheque 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to work things out with someone who doesn't want you and uses you for sex only? Like you said you need to respect yourself. No one is worth so much suffering. Put your head up high and move on. Think about your kids and what this is doing to them. Your worth more than that.
2006-09-08 22:31:32 · answer #5 · answered by Mimi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your right about the fact that you need to respect yourself. Think about your girls. What would you want for them in a mate? How would you hope that they react to this sort of treatment? Do the same. It sounds like your girls are young, so remember, they're learning from you. Don't put up w/ this sort of treatment for years. W/ kids you have to put them first. If you still don't have a job start looking. Maybe therepy for you and your girls. Good luck.
2006-09-09 00:46:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the fact your begging shows you have no self respect for yourself and that you have lowered your standards. remember this.. he is replaceable
never make the mistake that he is the one..
he can be replaced
children grow up best in a 2 parent home
provided that it's a loving home
but they fare pretty well in a single parent home verses a 2 parent home under tension
this is what usally happens when you marry WAY too early
2006-09-08 22:32:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
try doing something creative, such as IF you go to bars... one night let him go out and you find him (don't let him tell you where he is going), once you go into the bar act as if you don't know each-other and send a beer or drink to him by the bartender, then strike up a conversation such as whats your name, etc... meet all over again... There are many things creative you can do to make things exciting in your life when it get dull. We all get bored from time to time. Hang in there and I wish you the best.
OF COURSE THAT IS IF YOU WANT TO TRY TO MAKE A GO ONCE MORE WITH HIM, otherwise move on because there is someone out there that can give back the love you deserve and you can give them.
2006-09-08 22:32:44 · answer #8 · answered by answerqueen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe if you stopped being his "convenience" (his FREE and on-demand b i t c h), and considered developing some self-respect and self esteem...? Maybe you'd realize that it may very well be over...? Why don't you go out of your way to find a marriage counselor and invite him to attend (he doesn't attend, he gets no meow!). Start considering the children, too. If he doesn't want to see them, at the very least get him to support them! Use your brains... that ain't a pincushion, it's what holds your brains, lady! You make it so easy for him to continue having fun! He has children and a wife... don't you think it's time he grew up?
2006-09-08 23:06:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to start seeing a counselor or a psychologist soon. I can almost see you starting to become unstable and making irrational decisions.
There was a problem that lead to this and it happened between two of you. If he doesn't want to know, then YOU need to know. If he doesn't want to go to counselling together, then YOU need to go by yourself. Remember, you are the half of this relationship.....
Don't just sit by yourself and think about this all day. You need professional help. The therapist won't judge you or make you feel badly. He/she will help you understand yourself and what lead to this. Then how to resolve the problem.
Don't think. JUST GO.
2006-09-08 22:41:33 · answer #10 · answered by tkquestion 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To begin with, your husband should be allowed to hang out with his friends as long as he comes home to you, what is the problem. This doesn't mean that he should be allowed to go out with other women but it doesn't sound like that is the problem, if he is calling you to make love.
Don't beg anyone for anything and don't ask him to work things out. Men are dumb sometimes so be smart, work it out yourself. Make him so happy that he won't even know what's happening. Kill him with kindness.
My husband and I have been married for 34 years and I never stopped him from seeing his friends. They use to go to the bars when they were younger but I always knew what he was up to. He also went fishing and hunting with his buddies. The last few years he hardly goes anyplace except for an annual deer hunting trip for a week. God I would kill for a couple of those nights when he use to go out with the boys, just to have an evening at home alone once in a while. I love him but I like time to myself sometimes.
Get back together and give him some freedom. You will find that he will be a much better husband and that he will do things for you when he is home. Trust him and treat him with respect and you will gain the same thing in return. If it turns out that he is cheating, that is a different story, then you kick his sorry butt to the curb and get on with your life but from what you have said, I don't think that is the case. I think he just wants to spend some time with his friends. It's a guy thing.
Good Luck
I just read the answer someone gave about meeting him in a bar and pretending that you don't know him and it reminded me of something I did a few years back.
It was one of the nights that he had gone to the bar with his friends and although I didn't really like going to bars, the girls from work had asked me to go out with them this night so I decided to go.
When I walked in, he was sitting at the bar talking to the bartender and he turned around and gave me a great big smile and a hi. I just walked right by and went to sit with the girls.
A little while later, he came over and sat beside me. I looked at him and said "get lost jerk, I didn't come here to pick up guys". He laughed and went back and sat at the bar and sent over a round of drinks for us. A few guys came and sat at our table and bought us some drinks but at the end of the night my husband and I went home together and we still laugh about that night because he was getting pretty jealous that he couldn't sit at our table but the other guys could but they were flirting with my friends who were single and looking not with me so it all worked out to be a fun night.
Let him have some freedom and fun but don't forget to have some yourself once in a while.
2006-09-08 22:34:16 · answer #11 · answered by nellie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋