He always hurts my feelings and just expects for me to suck it up and deal with it. The only reason why I haven't left is because of the kids. Can someone help me out?
2006-09-08 15:05:40 · 29 answers · asked by zelmagraves 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its called abuse. Is he like that with the children too? When he sets about deliberately to hurt your feelings, then it really is abuse. Why would he want to hurt you like that? Its cruel. I am sure you have tried to talk to him about it, and obviously it hasnt worked because he is still doing it.
You dont have to put up with anyone, let alone your own husband, abusing you. That is so disrespectful. If he wont listen to you, then maybe you might have to leave. The kids are probably being hurt by seein their mother being downgraded all the time...so what lesson is that teaching them.....how to abuse their wives/husbands when they get older? He doesnt sound like a very good role model, if he doesnt know how to treat someone he supposedly loves.
The only thing I can suggest to you is go and get some professional help. As much as he is in the wrong, the only person you can change is yourself....which includes the way you think. I believe very strongly in personal power and I dont think anyone has the right to deliberately hurt another person, whether it be with their fists or vindictive words. You need to find your own personal power and get the strength to start believing you are too good a person to be treated this way.
Your kids deserve a healthy minded mother too....do it for yourself, you will be surprised with what a little counselling can do to your self esteem.....counselling doesnt tell you what to do, it helps you find your personal power to do the things you thought you could never do.
2006-09-08 15:18:08 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a very complicated answer. One only truely reached by knowing the exact circumstances. On an extreme level it can be mental abuse. If its bad enough, then you need to get out for the kids, not inspite of them. Your emotions are probably very well founded, but I would ask you do try a few options before divorce. Also, us men are very ignorant and it sometimes takes a very big shock before reality smacks us up side the head. I mean that you could leave, but hopefully with an open mind to see change before you reach the point of no return. Your happiness factors much more than you think in your childrens lives. I'm hoping you tried talking and explaining, offering counseling, and whatever else. Love should rejuevinate your soul, not tear it apart. We all make mistakes and marriage is hard. Its a fine line between toughing it out and realizing your past that point. What your heart defines love as, is exactly what you deserve. Good luck!!!
2006-09-08 22:17:13 · answer #2 · answered by kmusic212 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are three reasonable causes to leave a spouse. Adultery, Addiction or Abuse. What you are describing is abusive behavior.
I would ask him to go to counseling with you and if he will not go, then go alone and decide what is the next step to taking care of yourself and your kids.
You are not setting a good example to your sons or daughters on how a man and a woman behave in a marriage.
Will you tell you daughter to stay with a boyfriend or husband that does this?
How will you feel when you son treats his girl this way?
They are learning relationship behaviors from you two adults. Maybe you better take that into consideration when you think about doing "what is best for the kids".
2006-09-08 22:28:14 · answer #3 · answered by ~K~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please do not stay for your children. It is harming them far more than you know. It also is teaching them that this is how a marriage is supposed to be. Your husband is trying to lower your self esteem so that he can take you away from those who care about you. You are beautiful inside and out; never let anyone steal your joy. Do you have anyone that you can stay with until you find a permanet residence. Start saving your money and get out. If you are afraid he will harm you there is a number you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799 7233. They have counselors avail 24 hours a day 365 days a year. You do not have to live like that you are not in a marriage but a dangerous situation.
2006-09-08 22:22:34 · answer #4 · answered by dwheel820 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can decide when you have had enough. I was in a verbally abusive marriage for 17 years. My children were raised in all that chaos and ugliness and fighting and bitterness and sometimes violence. They went to bed nightly in fear of what would go on during the night. Things went from bad to worse. I finally left, but the toll had already been taken on my kids. I told myself I was staying for the kids, but I should have left for the kids probably. Now my spiritual beliefs have changed and I would stay and hope that by my changing some of the things about myself...he might eventually change also...as in leading by example, but I am already out of that situation. I have now been married to the man of my dreams for 11 years and soooo happy. But I have made many personal changes and am a much better person than I was, so maybe by changing myself the things around me changed likewise. Also, God #1 in our lives and His guidance has made oh so much difference.
2006-09-08 22:30:04 · answer #5 · answered by wannaknow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for you, I really am. Its nothing worse than feeling like you are in a prison, and its a prison of your making. Its very frustrating to live alife like that.
I suggest you tell him exactly how you feel, and then place your cards on the table. Do you both want this marriage to work? If so, the hurting has to stop. Remember that when you love someone, its supposed to feel good not hurt.
I suggest you both enter into marriage counseling to figure out your problems. Make it work for the kids and yourselves. Don't throw it all away too hastily.
2006-09-08 22:13:56 · answer #6 · answered by doggoneit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know what he is saying to you and I dont want to compare my story to yours if it does not fit, but my husband started getting mean, belittling me and even cussing at me in front of the kids. I would have said that he wasnt an abuser a few years back, but things escalated. I was truly in denial. If your husband does not respect you get out. Things can get worse fast.
Do what is right for the kids. Staying when you and your husband arent happy is not what is best for the kids. Tell your husband to go to family counseling or you want a divorce. Good luck and God Bless!!
2006-09-08 22:22:10 · answer #7 · answered by galbee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me asked this...Is it good for the kids to see and hear how he treats you..You need to think about the kids feelings..They would be better off not seeing the hurtful way he treats you..
or they will grow up thinking they can hurt people's feelings without not known it's wrong...kids do what they see..I am a married husband and my wife agrees with this walk out and start a better life for your kids...
2006-09-08 22:18:51 · answer #8 · answered by hononegah1988 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex husband of 18 years was the same way in fact he was a pig. I stayed and put up with the abuse for my daughters sake for 17 years. She was the one who told me to leave, she would sooner see me happy again than live with the crap any longer. I left 2 days later with nothing more than my daughter. Don't stand for it, you have feeling and the right to be happy and so do the kids. The pick up on more than you think.
2006-09-09 00:53:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry-the only way I could help you is to give you the guts to leave and I can't do that. But as an after thought, exactly what do you think the kids are learning by watching this? I suppose that you are doing them a favour by staying and letting them get these lessons but somehow I doubt it.
2006-09-08 22:14:37 · answer #10 · answered by nidan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋