I've been in a relationship with my bf for 2 years. He's a really nice guy and he treats me like a queen. We are both pretty young, 19. The enormous problem is his parents and all his extended family. His parents and his entire family do drugs.One one his parents has a huge gambling problem. They kicked him out of the house right before he was about to start college. I had no choice but to let him stay at my house , eventually he patched things up with his parents but they are so self absorbed and they dont care that their 19 year old son is living with someone else. I tried to get ever it , I come from a good family, no druggies here. I tried to get over his whole family issue, because he really i s a great guy and i really love him, but I reeally dont think i can go like thius because Im not happy just knowing they exist. I dont think its fair to him to tell him to not have any relations with his parents but i cant go on knowing that such horrible exist in my life. What should I do?
2006-09-08 13:42:02 · 11 answers · asked by dolphingal 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You poor kid!
I would like to tell you that you are going out with him and not his family so it doesn't matter what they're like, but you already know that line doesn't cut the mustard.
Sadly, this is a major issue at your age. You should be out living a carefree life not worrying about gambling and drug addiction.
Hate to say this but the situation is not going to change and may become worse. Is this worth all the stress you are obviously under ?
Unfortunately, just because you love someone does not necessarily mean that he is the best person for you or that you should be together.
Only you can decide how much you want to compromise in order to keep this relationship.
2006-09-08 13:54:19 · answer #1 · answered by Angela 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have experienced this same situation with the two closest people in my life, my best friend and my wife. Like you, I come from a wonderful family. Like your boyfriend, my wifes and best friends families have drug, alcohol, financial and many other horrible issues going on.
My best friend and I have been closer than brothers since we were 10 years old. We are 28 now. My wife and I began our relationship over 8 years ago. Thus, I have had the opportunity to see both family situations play out in my life. My friend and my wife both graduated from college and have wonderful careers.
Honestly, my best friend is my hero. Right around the time we went away to college, his dad was busted in a meth cooking ring and was sent away to federal prison, and his dad was the better of the 2 parents. He had to overcome alot. He made his entire way through college without any parental support, except for what my parents gave him, which was nice, but I know it cant be the same. He is the smartest dude I know. After college, he has become a very successful computer engineer, has a wonderful wife, home...I mean, he lives what most people would call the American dream. I couldn't imagine life without him.
However, on the flip side, his wife has many of the same complaints that you do. Matter of fact, even though they don't effect her life at all, she verbally beats him up because he has deadbeat parents, because, like you, it bugs her that they even exist. This makes me very angry, because he is such a wonderful husband and good man...on top of the fact that his parents have no effect on her life and really his either at this point.
I tell you that so I can tell you this. If you cannot get past his family now, it is not going to change for the better in the future so do what you have to do. Trust me, no one deserves to be beat up because of their family. It is absolutely unfair. I know it is almost impossible for some people to do, but try to imagine yourself in his shoes...how would you feel if people dismissed you just because your family wasn't up to their standards. I mean, what if you and a billionaire's son hooked up and fell in love, but he just couldnt get past the fact that your family was normal? What would you think of that person? Whatever! It sounds to me like you cant deal with it. Thus, do him a favor and allow him to get with someone who can.
2006-09-08 21:26:41 · answer #2 · answered by Cing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him then his parents shouldn't matter! You don't have to live with them! I get annoyed with my husband parents cause they do stick their noses where it doesn't belong with my kids! Let me say I have bit my tongue more then once and finally blew one day! It didn't make a difference because they still do it! I just think that they will go home and I will have my home back when they leave. Thank god they only stay for a an hour or so and then leave! GOOD LUCK!!
2006-09-08 20:47:31 · answer #3 · answered by kolowski4 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your boyfriend has had a rough life. If you really love him, then you should give him your support. He needs someone who can be there for him since his family is too self absorbed and selfish to care for his best interests. Try to avoid spending time with them if they make you so uncomfortable. You should not try to stop him from associating with his family, but you can make sure that YOU don't have to.
2006-09-08 20:48:32 · answer #4 · answered by wannaknow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your feelings for him should tell you what to do, as people often say - you can choose your friends BUT you cant choose your family, its not his fault that his family are a load of no hopers, he is allready showing he wants to be better than them by going to college, YOU should be thankful your family are ok, if you both get on why should his family come between you, just be glad you dont have to live with them,
2006-09-08 20:52:28 · answer #5 · answered by KATIEKAT 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no matter how many bad things happen. Always count the good things that happen. =) always smile, with one smile you feel as if you are not sad or mad anymore. Just try it. If not for youself atleast for the people who want to see you smile.
Somebody somewhere is thinking of your smile, in your prescence their life is worth while, when you get loney remember its true, somebody somewhere is thinking of you.
BaBii ShAz
2006-09-08 20:47:37 · answer #6 · answered by .·´¯`·-> вавіі-ѕнаz <-·´¯` 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's how I see it, you're with him, not his parents, you don't owe them anything, now if it becomes a problem and your boyfriend starts giving you lectures on how he thinks you should treat his family, throw his @ss to the wolves, you don't have to put up with his $hit or theirs. Be strong!
2006-09-08 20:53:20 · answer #7 · answered by A_WWE_FAN_4LYFE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
chances are he feels even worse about his family than you do. It doesnt make sense to leave someone you love so much because you dont like his family. your not dating his family - your dating him. He probably needs some sanity in his life - thats what you are to him.
2006-09-08 20:48:45 · answer #8 · answered by missie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would just aviod his family. if you love him just stick with him and be there for him. but once in a while just say hi to his family. i am married and i have trouble with his mom. but i try to aviod her as often as i can. but i hope this help good luck
2006-09-08 20:52:33 · answer #9 · answered by Melda R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me...you have to love his family to proceed!
2006-09-08 20:46:31 · answer #10 · answered by sugarbud 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋