WHat to do when you have fallen out of love with your husband?

Question

We have been together for 20 years, but it hasn't been a plesant 20 years. I stayed because we have 3 kids together, the kids are now grown and I think it might be impossible to stay together. He drinks heavily on weekends and I resent him for that, because he usually gets mean, but he won' t get help. I guess I am tired of being alone. I know I should leave but I don't know the first thing to do.,

Answer 1

let your men get drunk he deserve it . I assume that he works all week long . I am a married man and I know one thing for sure that we men work hard to support the family and for that we deserve to have some beers on the weekend to relax our mines y forget about that hard work that we just done y the last days . that he gets drunk doesn't mean he does n't love you are you crazy the loves you . he works for you so you will not starve OK good luck

Answer 2

Does he work?? When does he leave you alone at home?? Leave when he is far away from you,plan the escape a day or two ahead, think of everything that could go wrong and think of what you could do to avoid those things. Have a safe place to go where he could not go, preferably a place he doesn't know about.Have plenty of money on you because if you share accounts he could freeze them. Let him know in a note that it was because you are afraid of what he might do when he is drunk. This might be a huge kick in the *** for him to save himself. Do NOT contact him, he could talk you out of saving yourself with speeches of how sorry he is and how much he loves you. If you must contact him do it with an unbiased third party, the police for instance if you have to get your things from home. A lawyer if you want to talk about the divorce, a friend, let everyone you know including the people you work with when you are going to have contact with him just in case anything goes wrong and you come up missing ( sorry but this a harsh world and people don't think straight when jealous) Be careful, this is scary stuff but once you make the break you will wonder why you took so long.

Answer 3

By the sounds of it, you stayed together for the wrong reasons. Kids should always know if there are problems between mom and dad so that they aren't caught off guard if there is a separation or divorce. But then you also have to think about what is best FOR YOU. If you don't think staying with your husband is the best thing, then don't, especially if there is an abusive addiction that he is not willing to go get help for. If he is willing to lose you for his alcohol, then get out of there. As much as you may not know it, there will be a lot of support for you...friends, family, support groups etc..By the sounds of it you are still young enough to go out and enjoy life. You wont be alone anymore, go out with friends, have a date or 2 when you are ready, but just don't sit around and think about this anymore, take charge of your own life now. Your kids will understand.

Answer 4

Mrs., I'm only 21, but I've seen my share of marriages gone wrong. If your heart isn't there any more, then don't stay. Pack your bags, and walk. If you do that, and tell him why you're leaving, then he may straighten up, or he just may drink himself to death. First you need to have somewhere else to go, then when YOU are ready, let him know you leaving, and why (you might want to be standing at the door when you do this, he might just get mad enough to hit), then leave. If you dont think you can do it face to face, then tell him in a letter, and be gone before he gets back. Slowly move your stuff out, and have a back up plan if all else fails. But if you leaving, make sure that's what u really want...sometimes as women, we act on emotions...a lot.

Answer 5

I think before you jump to conclusions you should seek a marriage counselor.
Your husband needs help with the drinking and the both of you have to talk about what is bothering you to get things off of your chest.
If after counseling things haven't changed, then a divorce would probably be the way to go.. Just make sure you put in an effort to save the marriage before giving up because remember "for better or worse".

Answer 6

Sharon; Hi I, know how lonely this may be for you. Do you have any interests? Try marriage counseling ok. Does your husband feel the same way that you do? Remember that you are not alone, you have your children! Maybe you could move in with somebody close to you? Separate to see if this is what you truly want to do. If, you decide to leave remember to take small steps first. Job, save money talk to a lawyer(20 years of marriage),what you are entitled to have etc....good luck to you. Remember that you count and need to find YOU and sort out your emotions...anyways have a wonderful weekend...or try to(ya know with him and his drinking)

Answer 7

You should have left a long time ago. Staying together for the kids is not right because then you subject the kids to emotional abuse with all the fighting and arguing. Since the kids are now gone, why aren't you? If you are truly unhappy and believe me I know, my EX-HUSBAND was an alcoholic, then leave. Good luck with whatever your decision may be and remember to stay true to yourself and be safe!

Answer 8

Start by getting a hobby that gets you out of the house when he's drinking. Slowly start making a new life for yourself and find out first if you really want to leave. Get a job, open a bank account in your own name, financial Independence is significant whether you stay or go. If you start making a life for yourself you may find your husband paying more attention and not want to go. Don't jump until you know what it is that you want and where you're going.

Answer 9

If you are not happy in your relationship and he doesn't want to change his behavior or get counseling the next best step is separation. Maybe if you separate for a while it will let you both have time to think about what direction you and he wants to go in. Perhaps maybe a breather can rekindle your love for each other. You two can take each other out on dates like you did when you were younger. If after being separated and you feel you are still growing more apart them maybe a divorce is in order.

Good luck and I hope what ever you decide works out for you.

Answer 10

Honey, first of all, you know it is not going to be easy. Be strong for yourself and stand up to it. One it is bad enough he is killing himself with the drinking, second of all he probably doesn't really know the real pain he is causing. What would be better is to take it slow. One night sit down with him and and tell him this is not working, Make him choose right there. If said no thanks. Pack up and stay with friends or family. Don;t rush final decisions. If he really cared he will learn to change. If he doesn;t then you now it is time to move on to better things. If he asks for help , be there, even when you know it is hard. You cannot make him do it. But guide him to the fact. Remember it is harder to face him when he is under the drink. Take care. Always have your chin.