My Fiance just cheated on me. I see on our phone bill he has been talking to this slag 10 times a night plus?

Question

texts while he is on night shift. She works the same job as him only she works the nights he is off. She never calls in the day although our phone bill shows 2 minute calls to her in the day....obviously when I go out to smoke or take a shower...he RECKONS nothing ever happened physically and that they just talked alot and admitted they had some feelings for eachother but agreed to just stay friends as they werent doing any harm. (except for all the lies and deception to ME?!?!) Anyhow...I'm sure they got physical but have no proof. My fiance continually denies it though. How do I get over this???? I don't know how to trust him again....especially as I still think he's still not being honest about what happened. I think we need councelling to learn how to put this behind us. he has agreed to do this but everytime we are due for our appointment something comes up at his job where he has to go in for training..which sucks but it IS legit. What should I do?! How do put this behind me?SAD

Answer 1

I don't think you need counselling. Counselling is for when you know it's wrong in your heart and want to make yourself feel rigtht about it. Think about it, why would you even want to make this creepy situation right? He lied to you even before the wedding, when things are supposed to be the best ever! If he'll lie and cheat now-mentally or physically- and you take him back and forgive him, he'll never have respect for you and he'll keep doing this your entire life! Your entire life!!! Do you want to live on eggshells like that? If I were you (and it has been me) I would simply say this: "I love you and would have spent the rest of my life as a devoted and loving wife to you. I am so saorry that you would waste our wonderful relationship talking and seeing this other girl. I'm sad about that. However, since you like to talk to her so much and have/had feelings for her, I am going to give you and her space to explore them. I hope you are very happy together; you seem to deserve eachother". The end. No more. Just keep your dignity and get on with life. You are probably still very young and will meet someone who thinks you are so wonderful that he wouldn't dare even think about calling another girl ten times a night. Have more faith in yourself and how valuable you are! You dont' need someone like that-your mom probably raised you better than to think about taking him back. Don't go to counselling. Get out of the relationship. It will be hard, but that's life. Doing what we know is right even when it's hard. It will save you years of pain and suffering later. You might as well do it now while you are young and cute. Imagine having to leave him when you are forty-five years old or older (not that it's too old of course, it's just a lot easier to do it before you are married with a house/kids/mortgage/wrinkles). Do yourself a favor and forget about him. 50% of the population is male; do you really think he's the only one out there for you? Not true-there are plenty of wonderful guys who wouldn't talk to other girls or cheat. Good luck.
P.S. The minute I dumped the the other boyfriend for cheating, I met who is now my husband and he's pretty wonderful.

Answer 2

You have a gut feeling for a reason, LISTEN TO IT!!! It is most likely telling you something very important! You should feel lucky that you discovered this before you got married. The relationship will never be the same.
When my ex fiance cheated, I thought I could trust him again. It turns out that I was fooling myself. I would tell myself that he could go out with his friends and I would be totally fine with it. But I was a complete idiot! Every time he would leave I would snoop like nobodies business. I realized that I deserved better. I deserved to be able to trust the man I was with, let alone marry.
He is the one that made the mistake, not you. Get out of the relationship before you get hurt any more than you are.

Answer 3

You do not have the foundation of a good relationship. Setting aside his guilt and mistreatment, just look at you: you are filled with doubt and anxiety.

KNOW for an absolute fact that marriage changes NOTHING. Lots of people think "he'll change when we're married." Marriage changes NOTHING. If this is the life you want to be married to, then move ahead. If not ... be thankful you are just a fiance'. Breaking off a wedding is tons easier than breaking off a marriage. Make the tough decision now before it gets harder.

.

Answer 4

Try counseling, but if you won't be able to forgive him, and he doesn't quit talking to her, then you are better off going your seperate ways now before a messy divorce is required. If you can't forgive him and if he doesn't get his act together, then this will always hang over his head during your relationship. Especially as long as the two of them work for the same company. I say cut your losses and tell him to hit the road.

Answer 5

You need to go through the conseling first and see how that goes. Regardless if he is physical with her or not, this is not a good sign for building a solid foundation for a marriage. Put off the wedding, see if you can really work it out with the help of the conseling first. If you can't trust him, it's not a good idea to marry him. Either you let go of him, or you learn to trust him again.

Answer 6

First of all you need to get yourself together, have you talked to the girl? How does things seem between the two of you? You may be able to work this out, but it is up to you, talk to him, communication, ask him what he wants out of life? and tell him what you want, find out where your heads are at, Do nice things for him, so he won't be thinking of no one but you!! You can put this behind you if you want, go by how your heart feels, and if you want to save this relationship,

Answer 7

Every good relationship is based on trust and honesty. If you can't trust him, then your relationship will always suffer. It may not be doomed, but you'll always have problems.

Maybe you should break up with him, maybe you should just see a counselor. But demand that he be honest with you - you have that right, and he has that responsibility, just as much as the opposite is true.

Answer 8

IF you cannot trust you shouldn't marry. I know you don't want to give him up because you still love him and you want him in your life but at least put the wedding off. What is done in the dark shall come to the light just give it time.

Answer 9

girl, if things are going sour now, you need to really consider if you want to marry this guy...it would be alot easier to walk away now than to wait until your married, so that then you can confirm what you already know.... if your not sure put your wedding plans on hold until your sure...even consider seperating... if he has something with someone else, he wont care about a split (that's your Q to go) if he fights to keep you, than things look good for you.

Answer 10

Well if he had to agree to be friends with this girl that is bullshit! If this girl knows you are his woman, I wouldn't be trusting him around her at all!!!!! I'd leave his *** in a heart beat! You shouldn't have to convince your fiance that your the best for him, he should already know that!