How do you learn to trust somebody after you've been molested?

Question

It happened to me when I was like 12 and now I'm 16. My uncle was the one who did it and he's only a year older than me and I have to see him everyday. Also I split up my family because I told.

Well he didn't stop until I was 15 and it was him and my cousin. I was afraid to speak out and I don't want to trust him but I want to be able to trust other guys. And the whole split up my family thing. Well it goes like this....My grandma says that I'm a whore and so therefore my aunt, uncle, grandma, and grandpa aren't around. I just want to be able to trust guys again.

Alright and we haven't pressed charges cause I went into hysterics when I told my mom. So I don't think I'd be able to handle the trial. We go to the same school so I see him all the time.

Answer 1

once bitten twice shy..
it aint easy for u 2 trust ne 1 so easily...i agree...
u have 2 be careful...wid every step u take....dat u dont end up wid sme1 who'd hurt u n walk away...
ur not a coward...u proved it by telling ur family bout it...
u did da right thing...cos if u wudnt have....he wud never have stopped...n wud've hurted sme1 else too...
ur intelligent enough 2 decide in life whom u have 2 trust n from whom u have 2 b careful

Answer 2

Try not to see him no matter the consecuences or it will only end up frustrating you to a point of no return, telling the truth was the best thing and talking from experience the trusting part will never be easy no matter how much you try, just try to be as happy as you can but keep your eyes open i always say it is never a good idea to trust someone completely because you are never done knowing somebody i hope all goes great for you and don't worry even though the innocence of trusting was robed from you in a way you learn to live with it.

Answer 3

There are recovery groups available for group interaction counseling you can look into. Just like there are Alcoholics Anonymous, there are groups to help you. Call your city health services for suggestions. It might have to fall within the heading of Incest group counseling; you'll have to do some research.

I am disappointed of your family members that stand behind this uncle, that they don't force him to get some counseling or put him in some center for a time. It's quite possible that this runs in your family, and it is therefore, a protected weakness.

In anycase, you are on the road to recovery because you have taken the steps of informing others, and am now reaching out to others - seeking to trust again. Don't give up or get too discouraged; you are the good person in all of this...don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise. That uncle of yours, if he were MY relative, would have gotten real quick, swift rehabilitation - at the end of a 2x4 and hauled into a juvenile facility for as long as they'd hold him. His behavior is rehensible and disgusting, and he needs to recognise that and make it up to YOU and ALL of those who were affected by his behavior.

I'm off my soapbox. Keep your chin up, girl!

Answer 4

Oh, I'm so sorry! First of all are you seeing a therapist? Four years with no one to talk to is terrible, especially when you have to see the perpetrator every day. I can understand why you couldn't go to the police with this.
You said the family is split up. Does that mean that someone believes you? If you go with another part of the family can you get away from him? Why do you see him every day? Does he live with you or is it school?
You are incredibly brave for telling and I know you are brave enough to work through this. It is incredibly hard to trust again and if there is any way try to get help. You can talk to a school counselor and they will find help for you.
You can get self help tapes that will help you gain confidence and love for yourself.
You Will Trust Again, Because You are Worth It and You have Your Power to Succeed.
I'll be praying for you.

-M

Answer 5

First of all, you must NOT blame yourself for being a victim. You did the correct thing. If some family members are upset over this, don't worry; that's their problem to deal with. What was done to you, was done to YOU and not to them. You did not cause your family to split up; it was your uncle who caused them to split up with what he did!

Don't think that they're upset with you because you did something wrong. They are the ignorant ones if they think you should have kept quiet.

Never, never, never keep quiet when something like this happens!

Speak with someone you trust, like a female teacher or a female counselor that you can trust if you're still upset over this. You have good reasons to be upset for someone betraying your trust.

You do not have to speak with your uncle if you do not want to. No one can force you to speak with some one you do not want to speak with.

You will grow stronger as you mature. Please don't let this keep you from being a happy and full person. Not everyone has bad intentions for you.

Answer 6

If your family blames you then they are stupid they should blame that sicko uncle of yours and your better off not having them around you or the people you love. Trust will be very hard you will keep people at a distance but you will also need to know that not every guy out there is trying to hurt you some of course yes but when that one comes along and you get a gut feeling don't brush it aside take it in.

Answer 7

Oh sweetie, your Uncle crossed a line that shattered more than just trust, he has changed how you look at the world and every male in it. If your family is divided because you told to stop his abuse then that is their problem, not yours, but try to understand many of them are feeling ashamed and guilty that they couldn't or didn't protect you. It took a lot of courage for you to tell and it's going to take just as much courage for you to learn to trust again, you should start with therapy. Good Luck honey and God Bless you all.

Answer 8

Tough situation. Maybe with one other family member present or a friend talk to your uncle. And say you would like to regain some of his trust. Brainstorm ideas. Your uncle needs to be acting and doing things that show he cares for you and realizes what he did was way out of line and that he has changed and is never going to do anything wrong like that again. Let him know you want to forgive him and have him regain a spot in your life that works for both of you.

Answer 9

First....
You did the right thing by telling someone.

Second...
You are in no way shape or form responsible for what your uncle did to you.

Third...
You may never trust that person again, and thats ok. You don't have to ever talk with him again. What he did to you is sick and your family should keep him away from you. You should not have to be in a situation that you feel uncomfortable in.

Answer 10

Intolerable pig uncle! I hope your family was/is supportive of you. Trust is gained over time...it is not always immediately apparent. Learn to be cautious without jeopardizing friendships.
Dont consider one mishap that a person does as a signal that they cant be trusted again...everyone is human and makes mistakes. Just remember that you cant trust your 'uncle'. He's the one not to be trusted.
Surround yourself with people that make you happy and that listen to you if you need to talk about it. But best to try to forget it and move on. It's a scar but it doesnt have to be a burden to you if you dont let it. My sister was raped and she went to therapy and rehashed it over and over and over for years. I suggested she quit the therapy as it was only making her relive the incident. She put it away and it seemed to help her in the following years. I hope you do too. My heart goes out to you.

Answer 11

I'm glad you told your family, I never did. I have always kept the secret to keep from tearing apart the family. I'm proud of you.
I still have a deep mistrust of everyone and as far as my uncle, he died recently, so maybe he is getting his just reward now. For you to see him everyday, I would tell him how he has hurt you and the hate that you have for him and the distrust that he has cause will effect you the rest of your life, if he has any feeling at all, maybe he will apologize or at least feel some remorse. Take care of yourself.