Why are the wives of the guys I work with so mean to me?

Question

I am 25 years old, I have been working in a law firm of one of my dad's friends for about 6 monthes. I am married, and I have a 3 month old little girl. I am the only woman who works at the firm as an attorney and the youngest there, most of the guys are 30+. During my six monthes there, there have been several parties and social functions connected to the firm. During the last monthes, the wives of the other members have become very mean to me. Most of them are housewives who have never worked a day in thier lives. They totally exclude me, one called me a "bad mother" even though my husband is a stay at home dad and an ausome father! They always knitpick at me, saying nasty remarks about my clothing, look etc. There was a party that one of them held for all of the wives of the firm, and I wasn't even invited, they completely exluded me. I don't get what is going on?? I am always very nice and get a long with all of the guys that I work with very well. Why are these women so mean?

I don't wear suggestive clothing, I am a lawyer, I generally wear a skirt suit.

Answer 1

They feel threatened, you may be married and have children but women know how some women can be scandalous, and im not saying your like that, but all it is is jealousy on thier part, and worry because you are the only women there and thier husbands are all working with you, it's sick, but theres not much you can do, even if you are nice to them.. my best advice would be just let them be mean, you know your a better person anyways.

Answer 2

They might feel intimidated because you are the only female lawyer among all those men so it might be a ego thing for the men and their wives have probably made remarks to them about you and I say probably.

It also could be the fact that you are reading a lot into this because you know the powerful position you are in as being the only female lawyer among those men.

Because I don't know the wives personally and neither do you, I feel we will never know.

All you have to do is keep on doing your job and making your pay and if the stay at home woman are allowing themselves to sit home instead of advancing themselves and career too bad that isn't your problem they need to take that up with their husbands.

Answer 3

How about expressing your valid concen to the organizers of the party and find out what is not wifely about you? You also have a family.
Some of the reasons why those wives are behaving that way could be:
They feel inferior in front of you. (your mannerism, your charm, your vocabulary, your accent or your status who knows?)

When they fall short of their own expectations people behave this way.
They fear their husbands will leave them for you
The men are being controled by these housewives by asking them not to invite you.they want to feel good and have fun on thier level, if you are there they cannot share their kitchen jokes of ginger and garlic ha ha ha this is funny!
The men are doing so because they dont want to have a bad time when they return home..ha ha ha ha or else they will be accused of having an affair with you...poor guys!

This is not about you, the housewives are living with their low self esteem
Leave them alone to work on it, but if you want to make a move then do not be defensive, just be nice to them and tell them how you missed not being invited and how you would love to be part of the party,make an offer to organiz a party for the women alone with all your ideas, allow them to be active participants in organizing the party . This way they will find out that you are not what they were thinking. Housewives are easy to handly, come on you should know best! It could be a one dish party...you enjoy the food in the bargain!

Answer 4

don't get uptight about it first of all, tell your self, "i'm not a wife of the firm, that's why they didn't invite me." Then, think about this...
You honestly spend more "awake" time with their husbands than they do. Sure they get them all night but isn't want we all want is more real quality time? Plus since your younger you probably have the means, and desire, and knowledge to always look your best. While on the other hand they probably hang out all day in sweats or shuffling the kids around. (I know that's what I do all day) So, they are really just jealous of everything you have that they want. Don't let it get to you, always be friendly, and open. Maybe throw a party at your house so they see what you're really all about in your off time.

Answer 5

You are just so HOT that those wives are jealous of you - technically speaking - their husbands spend more of their day with you that with them.

You should not get your feelings hurt for not being invited to an "all wives" function as you are not the wife of someone their. You are considered one of the workers. Acutally your husband should have been invited - as it should have been a "Spouse Funcition". Old Men's club attitude. Gotta live with it until you become a Partner and start changing some of the rules.

Answer 6

What do you care. You have everything that they don't. You are an accomplished girl, a-la-part to their husbands in a few years. Being the chief's daughter is a threat to them as well. You don't want to belong to that little group. You are a young professional, hang out with people or girls that can relate to you, not the other way around.
Remmember, they have no real jobs, nanny does baby, and mommy shows them. So, they have nothing else to do but critize others, since they can't critize each other (prob. they did). They must be so bored, nothing to do, but just look like a price wifes.
With that said, what do you care, what those little minded people think? You are much bigger than that, you belong to a different crowd !!!

Answer 7

What is your attitude towards them? Are you standoffish or are you welcoming? Check your own attitude towards them.

After that, invite one of them to lunch one day when you're not at work, and ask why they treat you like they do. That's the only way you'll know what they're thinking.

I used to be the only woman surrounded by an office full of men, and I made it my business to treat the wives of the men I worked with with the utmost respect and dignity. If you're doing that already, keep it up. Don't get involved in their marital business; they might think you're in on it already.

Just treat them as you would want to be treated, and you should have no problems; unless, like everyone else has stated, they're just jealous of you, for whatever reasons they may have, then it's their problem and not yours.

Answer 8

My wife is a stay at home mother to our two kids, and she has a similiar problem with mother's clubs. She trys these clubs out to hang with other mothers with kids in the same range as our kids, but the problem is those mothers are all older. My wife and I are only 26. I think they are just jelous or something. There is definately a difference from generation to generation. We talk differently and listen to different music. If I were you I would not even care if they like you. Just stop going to social functions all together and carry on your life. Learn to seperate your work from you personel life. Don't mix it and you wont wonder why those jelous bytches are hating you. Good luck. I am sure you don't need those lady's to be nice to you to have a fruitful life.

Answer 9

One, you're young and working in a law firm with all men. Most of them probably treat you like a kid sister or a daughter which is probably irritating the wives. You're considered a threat to them and you'll have to deal with that if you're going to continue to work there. Don't let their attitudes bring you down. Hold your head up and maintain your sense of self worth.

I deal with doctors and attorneys and most of them have god complexes, but the wives who are at home all of the time are the most insecure people I've ever encountered. They have no sense of reality and if you're younger and better looking than they are, watch out for claws!

Answer 10

There is your problem, you get along with their husbands. You are a threat. Alot of women can't handle women in power positions (caddy yes, fair no). Maybe because they stay home and don't work they are bored and have nothing better to do then sit around and chew the fat about "that woman" at the office. Don't worry, unfortunately you will run into this the rest of your life don't let their petty behaviour bother you.