Married People Only?

Question

I'm feeling sad today. Yesterday, me and my Husband had a big argument. Too make things short, a lot of words were exchanged some of which left me broken-hearted and analyzing what went wrong. My question to you married people is, it considered normal for some couples to cuz and name call when you argue. I guess I ask this because my Husband called me a bit@h, said F-You, told me to pack my $hit up and get the Fu@k out of here if you don't like it, and gave me the middle finger. My husband tends to say these things when we argue and no matter how much I talk with him nothing seems to change. I love him very much and overall he's a good person but I feel he has an anger management problem. What do you think? Is this common in Marriage? Does he have anger issues? Or does he not love me anymore? We made up now and he says he loves me and that he's sorry but I'm so heart-broken this time. Thanks, any help or advice would be apreciated.

Answer 1

Name calling and the silent treatment are the worst things to go through in a marriage or any relationship. I think you're husband has a communication problem and simply does not know how to express verbally what is bothering him and it is obvious that something does bother him. I can't help but wonder what brought him to the point of getting so angry. What was it that "you didn't like"? I also can't help but wonder if this is what he was accustomed to growing up. There's no excuse for his behavior, but I am sure there is a reason why he acts this way. I was also wondering if you may have said a few hurtful things too. (Sometimes we leave important info out---especially the kind that makes us look bad....) I'm not saying that you deserve what he said because nobody does, but it seems like your looking to help your marriage and if you are, than you've got to look at both of your faults, and both of your good qualities. Bottom line, marriage is hard work, but is worth all the sweat and blood. Communication is key. You will be offended and you will be disappointed. Remember, if it was a stranger doing it to you, you wouldn't care. It only hurts because it's your husband. You need to set bounderies. Make up some rules like no name calling, no ignoring each other, if your angry take 15 minutes to an hour away from each other, no being disrespectful. I'm sure your husband has a couple of rules he'd like to set up too that he would appreciate. But an important rule is be quick to forgive. If you're husband grows worse, than you two may need some counseling. Case in point, loving each other is never the issue. It's learning how to do life together that is.

Answer 2

I'm not sure if it is normal, I know alot of people have name calling and cussing, but my husband has an ager manegment problem and does the same things. I finally told him to get the Fu#ck out and now he is in anger manegment classes and we are trying to work through things better, but for 3 years I put up with his anger and I was miserable. Tell him that he really hurt you and you can't live like that you love him more than anything and want to stay with him but he needs to take anger management. Men get touchy with things like this, so ask him if there is anything you do that he would like you to change, that way you can change as a couple and it will be something you do together making you stronger and happier. Good luck, it is a hard thing, but you don't deserve to be talked to that way just believe that you deserve to be happy. Love isn't everything even though it should be. Along with love are respect and trust and those are hard to keep. It took us a long time and we are still working through it. Love will keep you together, but you have to try and be nice. Remember that men are different from women, they need a thankyou when they take out the trash even if they dont put a new bag in, they were trying. Its bullshit, but not worth a fight, pick and choose your fights wisely. Best marrage advise I can give you.

Answer 3

Couples argue all the time it's a part of relationships and no one I know has a perfect one, but still he should not disrespect you in that manner you are his wife not his dog. It seems as though he has more then just ANGER issues, when he gets that upset I would be afraid that next time he gets that mad he may try to "physically harm" you, some people can not control their tempers. Also it's nice that you two made up but what about the next time? A person that is really sorry doesn't apologize and go back and say awful things again. If they do does it really mean that they are sorry???

Answer 4

I think saying he has an anger management problem would be and understatement. Most married people have had arguments and sometimes they get a little overboard but some of the things he said were TOO MUCH.

Calling you a biatch isnt that big a deal because I am sure you have called him so names he didnt like.

But the F-You and flipin you the bird and saying get your shiat and get out is uncalled for.

I wouldnt say he doesnt love you anymore.... people say shiat when they are pissed.....next time he tells you to leave get your stuff and go.....chances are he'll be crying for u back in a day or two.

Answer 5

It's common in any relationship to have disagreements and differences of opinion, but it is NEVER right to call a person names or belittle them. You are right, he does have anger management issues, and he needs to work them out. As for you, stop beating yourself up about what his problems are. Maybe you two could benefit from a little time apart. Since it's the weekend now, if you have nothing holding you back from leaving, see if you can stay with a friend for the weekend, or stay in a hotel; give yourself time to heal from this verbal assault.

Something else you should do. Since you've made up with him now and everything is rosy, tell him that the next time you have a disagreement, you will NOT stand for being called names, and if he does that, you will call the police and have him arrested for assault. Be prepared to do exactly that If he starts up, and don't back down. If he tries to stop you, leave and go to a neighbor's house and have them call the police. You are a woman and should be treated with respect and dignity.

Answer 6

Dissagreements are normal, but how you handel them show the kind of person you are.
Just with your short description I would say he has anger issues. If he only treats you like that when he is angry then what else could it be? The only other thing I would call it is a temper tantrum.
So now it is up to you to be the adult in the situation. You have to let him know what he is like when he is mad, and let him know how that makes you feel. The I'm sorrys only work once, after that how much sorrier can you get?

Answer 7

Yes, and no. It is normal to say terrible things in the heat of anger. I'm guilty myself, so is my sweety. Birds do fly around I sware that you'd think it's a migration.
I know friends that do the same things, we are a new more "expressive" generation. Meaning, I couldn't see my parents do that to themself, nor seen them. Can you imagine :)?
However, they are very strong words, they were thrown out since sometimes they're on the tip of our tongues, not because we really mean them. Because, we always make up and apologize for such fights and words used. (We are both very type-A strong personalities)
So cheer up, you are not alone. Marriage is not easy, it will test your temper, but the making up is the sweet part. Now, if you never fought, then, worry ! Because, there is something seriously wrong...

Answer 8

All couples argue this is granted .. but there should still be respect in that area. If he unable to control his anger, or not able to talk through the situation then he needs to find another way to vent it out. Its not acceptable for the name calling, to down grade you. I would strongly suggest when things calm down and you are able to approach him on the situation. Explain to him that when he yells at you, calls you name how deeply it hurts. In addition I would suggest to get him into counseling to deal with his angerment - and couple counseling for the both of you to learn how to communicate. Yelling never resolves anything.

Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brilliant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel

Answer 9

oh that sorry son of a bytch has more than anger management issues.. he has a vulgar mouth.. u should be the last person that he says those things to.... ur his wife not some hooker he met on the street.. and it sounds like he is ready and willing to throw ur marriage away if u don't like it (whatever it is).. u shouldn't allow urself to be verbally abused by anyone cause it leads to other things.. u need to let him know who he's talking to which is his wife and he needs to respect u as such.. if not then he needs to get out..

suggest counseling to him and if he doesnt' agree and keeps it up then u might want to think about separating for a while or just divorcing his a ss.....

Answer 10

I know exactly what you mean, and I don't think it's normal or okay. Eventually his anger issues may turn from verbal to physical abuse, but even if they don't , he is ruining your self esteem and therefore your marriage. I've been down this road myself. It leads to just what he suggested--packing your bags. If he cannot or will not get help, you have to decide for yourself if you want to tolerate this total lack of respect for you. I don't recommend accepting it, personally. It's no way to live your life.He needs to get better at being a husband, or accept that he's not going to have you for a wife anymore.