I have two family members that come over often and when they do I want to cringe. I love them both and want to be around them but they always want to borrow money or other things. They take my drink cups with them when they leave, always want to take my husbands medicine (loritab and prescription ibuprofen) that he got for a shoulder strain. Which he doesnt take often so theres usually some around. My sister also wants me to give her urine for drug tests since she smokes marijuana.
I have stopped saying yes most of the time for money but if I dont give them what they want they call me selfish and say I dont know how it is to be without. I'm by no means wealthy, I just budget what we have. I'm tired of being on a guilt trip. Even if we do have an argument over these things, they come back as if nothing happened. I need some good advice on this. How to stay in a relationship with needy people.
2006-09-08 08:08:27 · 5 answers · asked by ironica7 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Are we talking your siblings? You need to get a lot thicker skin dealing with them.Do not accept guilt. Its obvious that they work you over and come right back to try again. They must have had some success that way. Tell them to spend that energy on improving their own lot.
2006-09-08 08:13:53 · answer #1 · answered by Flagger 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Make up your mind what your limitations will be. Do not falter from these no matter what they say or do. Do not argue about your decisions or discuss them. When asked for something that is beyond your set limitation, simply say no. No is no. If they have a problem, say, i am sorry you have a problem with that, but it is my decision.
2006-09-08 15:13:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to put your foot down, move your husbands medicine, Don"t let them put you on a guilt trip, they can only make you feel guilty if you let them, you have nothing to feel guilty about, they are coming to you, you are not going to them, you are not helping them, you are not helping them to do for themselves. Tell them all of this is going to stop, Tell them they are welcome, when they can try and get their life together. You can not help them anymore, they have to help themselves.
2006-09-08 15:21:33 · answer #3 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
STOP ENABLING NOW!!!!
STOP WORRYING ABOUT THEIR APPROVAL OR BEING POPULAR. YOU DON'T NEED IT. ESPECIALLY FROM THOSE WHO ARE NOT DOING BETTER IN LIFE THAT YOU ARE.
YOU NEED TO BE LESS ACCESSABLE, LESS AVAILABLE, AND IF IT COMES DOWN TO IT, NOT LET THEM IN YOUR HOUSE.
OF COURSE THEY WILL BE PI**ED OFF AT YOU, BECUASE YOU WILL BE REQUIRING THAT THEY RESPECT YOU, AND STAND ON THEIR OWN TWO FEET. THEY WILL JUST HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT. THEY WILL GET OVER IT.
YOU NEED TO PUT MORE ENERGY INTO YOUR OWN FAMILY (YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND). YOU OWE IT TO HIM TO NOT LET ANYONE DISRESPECT EITHER ONE OF YOU.
AT SOME POINT, THEY WILL HAVE TO FACE THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR OWN ACTIONS IN LIFE. YOU JUST HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE WAY AND LET THAT HAPPEN. yOU CAN'T CHANGE OR FIX THEM, BUT MAYBE IF THEY FACED THEIR OWN CONSEQUENCES, THEY MIGHT JUST CHANGE THEMSELVES.
IF IT MEANS CREATING DISTANCE IN THE RELATIONSHIP, SO BE IT. WOULD THEY REALLY WANT TO EXPLAIN WHY, TO THE REST OF THE FAMILY? I THOUGHT NOT.
DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE MANIPULATED.
2006-09-08 15:24:03 · answer #4 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Did you read what you just wrote and posted?
Do it a few more times.
The answer is obvious.
Good luck.
2006-09-08 15:16:51 · answer #5 · answered by Stargatebabe 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋