He is into smoking pot and he doesnt do it around me. i hate it though. i want a man who fits my standards. ya know? if i am going to spend the rest of my life with someone should i be the one who has to settle for less or should i make him step up to my standards or im leaving??
2006-09-08 07:10:43 · 23 answers · asked by BabeeGirl1919 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
If you say something about leaving and him quitting his pot he might do it again behind your back. Believe me knowing from experience you cannot change a man. Do not settle for less just because you are carrying his child. You deserve better then that. If he really has a problem with addiction to pot he will have to go to NA and seek treatment. My first husband said after we had a child he would stop smoking pot and he didn't it got even worse.
2006-09-08 07:15:33 · answer #1 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're going to step from a known situation to an unknown. You can't think about just yourself now that you have a baby on the way. Their is never a guarantee that the grass will be greener.
I'm not going to criticize you for getting pregnant by this guy before deciding he's not settle down material.
But I will point out to you that you are pregnant right now and things that didn't bother you before will affect you differently. Wait until you have the baby annd your body is back to normal. You may see things differently.
You haven't mentioned that he is abusive or that he is not a good provider. Maybe he just needs to grow up a little and even that is going to take time.
You both need to sit down and discuss what will be best for the childs sake.
2006-09-08 07:19:01 · answer #2 · answered by aQTinMVny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As far as the pot, that is a very addictive habit,and if you care for him, try to aide him to seek help and get off of pot. Be aware that you can only help him. You cannot make him get off pot. He must make that decision. Teen challenge is one program that can really help a person stop drug using (there are others. They are practically everywhere). However, trying to make somebody step to your standards is a very bad thing to do. You don't want to force somebody to do something that they may be unable to do yet or feel uncomfortable doing. If he has standards that concern you, then you should discuss them with him and/or seek relationship counseling. My advice is to try to point out things that are good in him. He may already be at your standards but not in the way you would see them.
2006-09-08 07:22:21 · answer #3 · answered by mazemasterigc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might change when the baby is born but only if he wants to. Men a lot of times don't realize they are about to be a father until the child is born and then it hits them. And then there are the ones that refuse to grow up! See if he is serious about being a father. You will never be able to change him though! No matter what you say or do, he will only be different if he feels he needs to. Good Luck and Congrats on the baby!
2006-09-08 07:15:49 · answer #4 · answered by faith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a clinical director for a substance abuse clinic in the Bronx, NY and I totally agree with you. If he's smoking pot, he obviously has another problem related to this behavior, and if he cannot, or refuses to get help, then who, or what, is he more committed to, you and the expected baby, or himself and his addiction? Don't settle for less--you and your baby deserve to begin life's journey stepping off on the right foot. Neither one of you needs to be around someone who doesn't even want to be around himself.
2006-09-08 07:16:29 · answer #5 · answered by heyrobo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tthis is a serious problem , i can tell you love him. So i know your not going to just leave him like that (he is your baby's father). So you just need to sit down with him and tell him how you fell , tell him that someone who smokes pot is not in your standards for someone you want to spend your life with, and that you know your worth more then that.
Good luck , wish the best for you and your baby
2006-09-08 07:18:46 · answer #6 · answered by FlAwL3ss 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get rid of him, he'll never stop and you don't want your child to be brought up in that kind of environment.
you need to move on, take care of your baby, then either get more education or get a job so you can be self sufficient
Also I suggest you will go on the pill and carry condoms with you so you won't get into this predicament again and it's easier to find a good decent man who can be a provider, if you have only one child.
I hope I didn't sound like your mother,
2006-09-08 07:16:17 · answer #7 · answered by Mightymo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, it is too late to worry about figuring out if you are sleeping with a guy you would like to marry. you should have considered that before. he is not going to step up to anything except a buffet table. get rid of him and be more selective in the future. this jerk will end up visiting your child, so like it or not, he will be there off and on for 18 years. don't let him back on, so to speak. there are plenty of guys out there that will accept your child as part of the package and use good judgement to pick one who is not a user or loser.
2006-09-08 07:45:49 · answer #8 · answered by sinned 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
smoking pot is illegal and I have a two year old son and never would date someone that smokes pot because it is wrong and when your child gets older they are going to see thier dad or step dad smoking pot and assume it is okay and will start doing it to.
If he does not want to stop smoking pot then dump him and find a decent father for the baby
2006-09-08 07:14:20 · answer #9 · answered by Diamonds_Glow 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Did his pot smoking bother you when you let him knock you up?
Is it that your hormones are all out of whack because of your pregnancy?
Do you really think that pot smoking is so wrong that you would rob your child of its father because of it?
Does he contribute to the household or spend all of his money on pot?
2006-09-08 07:15:14 · answer #10 · answered by a_poor_misguided_soul 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋